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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

"you'll miss it"

115 replies

Boolshit · 19/10/2023 17:30

I hear/read all the time (when talking about toddlers), "enjoy the chaos, you'll miss it".

No, I won't! My house is a permanent shithole and I don't get a minutes peace. It's a full-time job just trying to keep the place tidy, forget about clean. Everything is marked, sticky and smeared. The washing basket is always overflowing, the dishwasher is never empty yet plates, etc. Are still piled up on the worktop. The walls are covered in scuffs, the door handles are loose/broken from being swung on... It's endless!

I understand missing their cute little faces, the affection, their voices, etc. But the chaos? Never!!! The screaming, demanding attention, tantrums, whining, sleepless nights... I won't miss any of that.

AIBU to think that this line is used by those wearing rose tinted glasses?

OP posts:
RoseMartha · 19/10/2023 18:34

Having teenagers with SN I do miss the toddler years.

mamaduckbone · 19/10/2023 18:34

The one thing I miss is the cuddles, especially when I got home from work, and reading a story in bed at night. I now have teenagers who barely notice whether I'm there or not.
Definitely not the chaos!

Cowlover89 · 19/10/2023 18:35

I love it!

Bemyclementine · 19/10/2023 18:36

I miss it. It felt easier to me than now they are 6 and 8. I think I'm more tired now

MatildaTheCat · 19/10/2023 18:37

Well they were adorable when they were asleep.

OriginalUsername2 · 19/10/2023 18:38

”It's a full-time job just trying to keep the place tidy, forget about clean. Everything is marked, sticky and smeared. The washing basket is always overflowing, the dishwasher is never empty yet plates, etc. Are still piled up on the worktop. The walls are covered in scuffs, the door handles are loose/broken from being swung on... It's endless!”

The problem is you want a show home. Family homes are in full use, being lived in. Does any other member of your household get stressed about mess? If not, I would lower my standards immensely and delegate jobs to anyone who deigned to complain.

Mummy08m · 19/10/2023 18:38

I can imagine missing the cuddles but I'll still have my dh to cuddle... who I don't get to cuddle much at the moment, because if dd so much as sees me give him a brief hug after work, she screams "NO! Stop! Hug ME mummy!" Ffs.

I sometimes long for an aloof teen who spends time in her room and only comes out for meals

Comedycook · 19/10/2023 18:40

I don't miss the toddler years. Toddlers and teens are the absolute worst.

I miss when they were non mobile babies and the primary years though.

Universalsnail · 19/10/2023 18:41

I used to hate it when people said this to me and I would get really annoyed

But also all my kids are out of toddler hood now and truthfully I really miss having toddlers 😕 so I guess it turns out they were correct I would miss it 😂

Gerrataere · 19/10/2023 18:42

TomatoSandwiches · 19/10/2023 18:30

My 7yr old is cognitively 18months, I've had a permenant toddler for quite a while and for the foresable.

It is extremely unpleasant and I can't have anything nice unless it's locked away and I have to remain hypervigilant all the time so my house doesn't resemble a fucking war zone.

Me too, right there with you. My house looks like it’s been raided at times, always something that needs fixing, repairs or replacement. Been like this since he was an actual toddler, some people have no clue.

I genuinely do look back fondly on the early days with my eldest. My house wasn’t chaos, he was a very chilled baby/toddler. Turns out he has inattentive adhd and autism and now he’s older it’s not so wonderful. He might not be destroying the house but my god he’s setting some world records in how slowly one person can put on a pair of socks in the morning…

Comedycook · 19/10/2023 18:43

Oh and the laundry pile is always overflowing with teens. My teenage ds gets clean clothes out of the drawers and dumps them on the floor without wearing them...God knows why!? I have asked many times. They also run their hands against the wall when they go up and down the stairs. So your walls will still have marks. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news

CurlyhairedAssassin · 19/10/2023 18:45

Squiblet · 19/10/2023 17:45

Yup, I don't miss the toddler years at all. Those were some difficult times. And no, they did not "fly by".

I do miss the times when the DC were 7/8/9/10 years old, though.

Yeah, those are the best ages!

AngryGreasedSantaCatcus · 19/10/2023 18:47

The toddler years weren't great, to put it politely. What massively helped was the fact that the baby stage was so utterly awful, it actually felt like an improvement.

I definitely miss it. Not just the cuteness, but the silliness and doing stuff together, and now I laugh at things like her painting the telly and claiming it was an accident.Grin
I didn't think I would.

It's completely different when you're in the thick of it though and it feels like there's no end in sight. Circumstances can also make a massive difference, how many kids,the type of kids, what support you have in place etc.

Comedycook · 19/10/2023 18:47

Toddler years don't fly by. My dd was 2 for about four years.

dandelionandburdock36 · 19/10/2023 18:49

crazycrimbolady · 19/10/2023 18:11

Are you okay? You sound really uptight.

Embrace it. Set boundaries so the children aren't swinging from door handles.

One day when you're babies are older and flown the nest you will look back on these days and miss the chaos.

Take care

Are you okay? You sound really judgmental.

Colourfulponderings · 19/10/2023 18:49

I’m at toddler stage of my second and I’m enjoying it so much. Now I’ve seen one grow up and be independent and more like a person, the contrast to this mad little bundle of craziness makes me appreciate it.

But of course, no, I’m not enjoying the mess they make.

kingkongs · 19/10/2023 18:50

Tbf mine weren't that wild anyway but I still close my eyes sometimes and try and take myself back to when they sat on my lap with their little arms around my neck for a cuddle 🥰

PeppermintMandy · 19/10/2023 18:51

I have a 2 year old and God I am enjoying it so, so much more than having a baby.

Two key things though. We have a cleaner coming once a week. Yes I still have to wipe yogurt of the walls everyday but having a cleaner doing a proper clean of the bathroom, kitchen etc is a huge relief. Secondly, we’ve not long moved into our current home and it’s very dated. We’ve decided not to decorate until DC is older. That way we can say “fuck it” to marks on the walls and the like.

crazycrimbolady · 19/10/2023 18:53

@Denimdreams no snark here 😬

crazycrimbolady · 19/10/2023 18:53

@Humidititties I sound like an arse? For what?

travellingwithatoddler · 19/10/2023 18:54

Honestly can't ever imagine missing this time. Sat here crying again tonight after an awful time with my 3 year old. Every day feels like a bad day lately 😢 you're not alone

crazycrimbolady · 19/10/2023 18:54

@dandelionandburdock36 I'm great thanks. No judgment here. Easy now 🤪

midnightblue12 · 19/10/2023 18:56

crazycrimbolady · 19/10/2023 18:11

Are you okay? You sound really uptight.

Embrace it. Set boundaries so the children aren't swinging from door handles.

One day when you're babies are older and flown the nest you will look back on these days and miss the chaos.

Take care

🙄🥱

Flamingos89 · 19/10/2023 18:58

It’s messy for sure - our house is slowly being destroyed - there is the odd tantrum day here and there aswell where I feel literally broken!!! But I LOVE the cuddles, the love and watching them become little people. That’s what they mean when they say we will miss it. When they are all grown they won’t want our constant attention. They will have their own little lives and we will just be apart of that instead of their whole worlds. I’ll miss being their world ❤️ x

dandelionandburdock36 · 19/10/2023 18:58

crazycrimbolady · 19/10/2023 18:54

@dandelionandburdock36 I'm great thanks. No judgment here. Easy now 🤪

You called a struggling OP uptight, you’re judgmental, that’s what making a judgment is or did you not know that?

I’m glad you’re okay, it’s a shame you couldn’t have been nicer to the person who started the thread, but then again, you don’t know what judgment is so I shouldn’t really be surprised.