Page 16 | Those cool, messy, usually wealthy mums

Shessodowntoearth · 2023-10-18T09:19:41+00:00

I want to be one 😅 Does anyone know the type? Usually quite a few kids, at least two, kids are lovely, but generally quite messy/put together in a kooky way. Houses are beautiful, but messy/disorganised, beautiful pieces everywhere/decoration but with a lived in/messy vibe. The mums are the same, usually seem quite disorganised but chilled out at the same time, generally away somewhere every school holidays and don’t work. I know quite a few mums like this near me and wonder what this life is like, mainly the having more money. I’d love to be as laid back if people come around, to not care about the mess as the house is so incredible, to not worry if my kids clothes look scruffy in a cool way and to be comfortable in myself. Is this what happens when you come from money?

Zakana · 18/10/2023 21:14

@Tapasita

yep, completely agree. One of the single “middle Brighton mums” used to sod off on weekends away in a large campervan and leave her 10 year old son at home alone to look after the house, chickens, dogs etc etc. My son told me that his friend had been left alone for a long weekend on his own, I had him stay with us until she got back and helped him with the dogs etc. she didn’t even thank me when she got back ffs! She was put out because I insisted her son stay with us until she decided to return home!

Comedycook · 18/10/2023 21:19

Zakana · 18/10/2023 21:14

@Tapasita

yep, completely agree. One of the single “middle Brighton mums” used to sod off on weekends away in a large campervan and leave her 10 year old son at home alone to look after the house, chickens, dogs etc etc. My son told me that his friend had been left alone for a long weekend on his own, I had him stay with us until she got back and helped him with the dogs etc. she didn’t even thank me when she got back ffs! She was put out because I insisted her son stay with us until she decided to return home!

Reminds me of a very rah woman who lives near me. I once found a lone toddler wandering the streets. I went up to help him...he was so little he could barely speak. Anyway I managed to track the mum down in a nice gastro pub and returned him to her...barely said thanks and looked at me like I was nuts for helping him. Looking back I wish I'd just called the police and not bothered trying to find her.

Zakana · 18/10/2023 21:23

@Comedycook yep, I didn’t tell anyone either. I’ve since found out years later that his two older sisters used to be left frequently with their baby brother while their mum wafted off wherever for long weekends, abroad for weeks away and to music festivals, and the girls were only 9 and 11 at the time! Madness how she never got caught!

garlictwist · 18/10/2023 21:34

My friend growing up was like this. Her dad was a high brow academic and her mum a thespian type. They had a big old house that was a shit hole inside and they were always late to everything. All the kids now are grown up and work in the theatre and are exactly the same.

muggart · 18/10/2023 21:53

I am struggling to believe that there are wealthy families out there who don't have cleaners. So their houses might be messy and cluttered but surely they aren't living with layers of grime everywhere?

Carpediemmakeitcount · 18/10/2023 21:55

Stokey · 18/10/2023 19:56

@scoobydoo1971 your sprawling seaside house sounds lovely.

@Guibhyl the really posh people go to Scotland in the summer not abroad.

I live a bit like mentioned in a big for my area, messy house. We have a cleaner once a week and I do work but I can't be arsed to clean when I'm not working. It's not self-conscious, I'd just genuinely rather do anything else than tidy, and I think that people that would judge me for that are probably people I don't really want to be friends with. My mother on the other hand is obsessively tidy and gets really upset by the lack of ironing in my house.

It's when your kids leave home and follow in your footsteps. My partner have entered some homes that are dustbins and these young people come from well off homes. The term is they don't know how to live in a house comes to mind.

cakeorbreak · 18/10/2023 22:02

My mate is like this.

She once brought her two year old to playgroup in his pjs with a pair of sandals cos she didn't have time to dress him. Her hair is never brushed but looks amazing, house constantly a posh mess, comfy and stylish, she looks amazing with no makeup and could wear a bin bag. Plus she's funny and lovely.

I might defriend her actually 🤣

MrsGalloway · 18/10/2023 22:12

SerafinasGoose · 18/10/2023 20:52

I agree with this to the point that my own anti-class warrior is bored rigid with the narrow, prejudiced assumptions so often attached to social 'class', and which are trotted out with tedious regularity on MN.

'Middle class bohemians' is obviously a contradiction in terms. It's an aesthetic, like Dark Academia and Cottagecore are aesthetics: nothing more than that. The actual bohemians were skint. There isn't much that's cultivated about being a precariat. They often lived 'off grid', eked out a sporadic living, and in doing so earned the scorn of the establishment for daring to dabble in intellectual pursuits beyond their 'station'. (Note E M Forster's poor working-class intellectual, Leonard Bast, who is done to death by a particularly aggressive bookshelf. Symbolic or what)?

Right now, looking at this thread, similar attitudes seem to have prevailed. Artists are 'bohemian' by definition. To a lesser extent, so are those who work in the arts, or the cultural and creative industries. To selectively paraphrase some of the posts upthread: such people 'think they are better'. They are contrived. They are carefully cultivating an 'image'. But hey, 'real' rich people 'don't have to care what others think, because they are '"confident"'. I've rarely read such a prejudiced bucket of snobbish shit. Anyone can be confident and say 'screw you' to what others think. It doesn't take 10 generations of 'gentle breeding' to develop your own mind.

I'm a writer (professional) and artist (amateur). I was brought up in a house with piles of dusty books. I became an academic. I get a new car once about every 6 years, and I drive them into the ground. Growing up we attended opera, ballet, art galleries, and theatre. I rode. I spent time out in nature, being taught all the birdsong, flora and fauna my grandfather knew (he knew a lot).

My folks were in trade. We're solidly working class.

Show quote history

Good for you and I don’t find your experience that unusual in my generation, there are lots of us from solid working class backgrounds who have managed a career in the arts, really hope it continues.

I take issue with the “anyone can be confident and say screw you”. I think background does matter for a lot of people. Mine is working/ lower middle class, and for me there’s always been a sense that class matters, that there are people who consider themselves your betters because of who their parents are/how much money they have and consequently how you present yourself and your family to the outside world, including having a clean and tidy house is important. Not the case for everyone I grant you,

I’m hugely proud of my family who have gone from utter poverty to university graduates in two generations. I don’t want to be from any other background but it does impact how you perceive the world - some good and some bad. I’m acutely aware that my strong need to keep things clean and tidy, to worry about my children being in clean clothes and to have a well kept house comes directly from my parents and grandparents because of the circumstances in which they/we lived.

I don’t judge anyone who doesn’t think the same way I do, my friends are from very diverse backgrounds, they see a lot of things differently and that’s interesting to me.

SerafinasGoose · 18/10/2023 22:12

Face it - the number of people who actually like housework is probably strictly a minority. I know precisely no one who claims to derive pleasure from this excessively repetitive, dull, uninspiring tedium. Ironing especially sucks. Chores are just that: they are in no way rewarding, which is why they so often seen as women's domain. I'm nowhere seeing men categorised on the basis of the state of their homes. It's women alone - as ever - being shoved into the category of 'cool' slobbery vs. slum 'house pride'. Quel surprise.

And how many people don't claim to have better things to do? How are layers of dust on your sideboard making some kind of statement that 'my time's more valuable than your time?' Ridiculous. As for online cleaning hacks, if these people have followers I'm not aware of any. I'm astounded to discover some of these have gained such momentum for something so dismal. All I can say is - kudos.

But - and there's a big elephant in this particular room - who wants to live in a midden? The surprising answer would seem to be quite a few people. My place doesn't resemble a soulless show home with all objects carefully and precisely placed, but neither is it a biohazard. I can't be arsed to attach social symbolic significance to it. But I'd stake a wild guess that economic background has nothing to do with lazy parenting or a revelling in the 'cultivated' shit tip (there's a weird oxymoron) in which you live.

'Cool?' No.

Warriormum1 · 18/10/2023 22:14

@TheSnootiestFox Either you are the most eloquent troll I have ever come across, or your lack of basic self awareness is breathtaking. Not quite sure which, but either way, you seem to be enjoying the attention.

TheSnootiestFox · 18/10/2023 22:19

@Warriormum1, I'm sorry, but I genuinely don't understand what you mean. I'm certainly not a troll btw!

Clafoutie · 18/10/2023 22:19

They always have a huge, baskety tote/ bucket bag that they just chuck everything in and rummage around in. But somehow you know the bag is hand-crafted and very, very expensive.

whatkatydid2013 · 18/10/2023 22:36

Celibacyinthesticks · 18/10/2023 19:52

I’m very disappointed that we haven’t had an influx of competitive skirting board pictures since @whatkatydid2013 posted.

This made me laugh. I would love to know if I’m missing something about skirting boards though? Do people’s really get so dirty they require regular cleaning (aside from that bit you uncover if you move a bed/sofa and realise all the dirt in the house seems to have taken up residence there & which you can avoid by just never moving the bed/sofa)

totallyteutonic · 18/10/2023 22:54

Lots of this type where I used to live in London and also in Cambridge.

I always think they are like if Jessa from the tv show Girls got clean and grew up.

Original poster

Shessodowntoearth · 18/10/2023 23:28

@WinterDeWinter Lots and lots of wealthy, old school money around that area

OP posts:

Hibiscrubbed · 18/10/2023 23:42

Bookist · 18/10/2023 18:55

Incorrigibly County Oh dear, now you have let yourself down. The County set would never refer to themselves as 'County' as you should very well know. But you do write very well, if a little fulsomely x

They’d likely never refer to themselves at all, instead redirecting all enquiry to the enquirer.

I just don’t buy into the life that poster is peddling as their own…

I suspect we’ll get a photo of some muddy Dubarrys and spaniel paws in a moment to ‘prove’ it.

StBrides · 19/10/2023 00:22

BloodandGlitter · 18/10/2023 12:37

This thread reeks of humble bragging.

Nothing humble in what I'm reading

TammyJones · 19/10/2023 03:54

SerafinasGoose · 18/10/2023 22:12

Face it - the number of people who actually like housework is probably strictly a minority. I know precisely no one who claims to derive pleasure from this excessively repetitive, dull, uninspiring tedium. Ironing especially sucks. Chores are just that: they are in no way rewarding, which is why they so often seen as women's domain. I'm nowhere seeing men categorised on the basis of the state of their homes. It's women alone - as ever - being shoved into the category of 'cool' slobbery vs. slum 'house pride'. Quel surprise.

And how many people don't claim to have better things to do? How are layers of dust on your sideboard making some kind of statement that 'my time's more valuable than your time?' Ridiculous. As for online cleaning hacks, if these people have followers I'm not aware of any. I'm astounded to discover some of these have gained such momentum for something so dismal. All I can say is - kudos.

But - and there's a big elephant in this particular room - who wants to live in a midden? The surprising answer would seem to be quite a few people. My place doesn't resemble a soulless show home with all objects carefully and precisely placed, but neither is it a biohazard. I can't be arsed to attach social symbolic significance to it. But I'd stake a wild guess that economic background has nothing to do with lazy parenting or a revelling in the 'cultivated' shit tip (there's a weird oxymoron) in which you live.

'Cool?' No.

I read this thread and this is an excellent response.
In my home everything has a place and I clean once a week.
It takes me about 2-3 hours
Do I like it? Not particularly.
I do it because I don't want to live in a dust bin, or share my house with crawlies.
Have I got better things to do? Hell yes, but I like to do them in a clean , fresh environment.
My sister is the opposite
But each to their own.
I'm pretty sure most given the choice most people would rather live in a clean environment but unless someone else is cleaning for them they just can't be bothered.

Coffeepot72 · 19/10/2023 07:27

In my home everything has a place and I clean once a week.
It takes me about 2-3 hours
Do I like it? Not particularly.
I do it because I don't want to live in a dust bin, or share my house with crawlies.
Have I got better things to do? Hell yes, but I like to do them in a clean , fresh environment.

Totally agree @TammyJones

WineAndFireside · 19/10/2023 07:44

HNRTFT but is the mother in About Time a good example of this kind of person, albeit slightly older?

EarringsandLipstick · 19/10/2023 07:58

Comedycook · 18/10/2023 11:18

You can be messy if your home is a stunning three floor Victorian house with beautiful period features and a huge kitchen/dinner extension with a glass ceiling and is stuffed full of expensive, good quality furniture.

If you live in a poky council flat which has seen better days with cheap furniture from Argos, being messy is quite a different look

That's such an astute point.

Elizabeth0712 · 19/10/2023 08:03

Not sure if anyone had mentioned Stella Tennant yet. She doesn’t totally fit the criteria mentioned in the original post but for effortlessly cool mum she was the best. I still google her house sometimes just to nosey at home lovely it all was

EarringsandLipstick · 19/10/2023 08:05

weird how being free spirited always means they've chosen to wear tutu, wellies and Christmas jumper in trip to park in March

I love this line! It's describing some particular family members of mine to a T!

Boomchuck · 19/10/2023 08:05

I find this thread intriguing and also a bit cringey. So many people falling over themselves to prove how shambolic they are so as to not be seen as gauche nouveau riche or, worse, lower middle.

It is not a class signifier to live in squalor with poorly fitting clothes and unkempt children. That is achievable no matter where you are on the income spectrum. I think the main differentiating factor with families like this is that they have a cleaner to keep the mess in check on a regular basis, so ‘happily disorganized’ doesn’t often tip over into ‘squalid filth’. If you have someone you pay to keep things liveable, then of course you don’t need to stress about it. You can confidently have people over even if it’s untidy and cluttered because you know that the cleaner was just here yesterday and took care of the main stuff. With a cleaner coming a few times a week to keep the house check, and with an aupair to make sure the kids still do their music practice and get to school on time, it’s not something that needs fussing over (on the part of the parents) in the same way that families without any help need to ‘fuss’. I think it’s a pure disposable income thing. The dads have their work clothes sent out to the cleaners so that they still look presentable at the office and the mums have time and money to buy organic produce at the farmer’s market and wash their wool and cashmere jumpers by hand.

TheaBrandt · 19/10/2023 08:17

Dds best friends family are properly insanely rich. They have staff to do everything- cooking/ cleaning /laundry. We are agog and watch from afar in envy! Dd now goes there most weekends can’t say I blame her - I would if I could.