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Original poster

Should I cancel the party or go ahead without DS?

108 replies

Autumnleaves06 · 18/10/2023 09:15

My DS has just started with chickenpox, his 5th birthday party is on Saturday, all booked and paid for as of yesterday when they called me to confirm numbers. I can’t believe the timing of this!
I said to my DH this morning that we’ll need to cancel and let parents know.
He suggested we still have the party (it’s soft play) but without DS. Surely this is totally unfair on him? He’s been looking forward to this party for weeks. I’m so gutted for him.

DH’s logic is that we’ve already paid the balance and other than doing the cake and candles, we should still go ahead and his friends can enjoy soft play & the food without him, this makes me really sad though and what if his friends mention it when he’s back at school? That they went to his party without him.

What would you do?

OP posts:
Sunandsea26 · 18/10/2023 11:53

No way, you can’t have a party without the bday boy, that’s so sad!
call the venue as others have said, they may be able to push it back.

Worcestershirem0mmy · 18/10/2023 11:58

No way can you have the party without him. I would feel guilty the entire time! Surely the venue may push it back?

Samsung37 · 18/10/2023 12:01

You need to cancel. That would be incredibly cruel

Sunandsea26 · 18/10/2023 12:02

Autumnleaves06 · 18/10/2023 09:20

I’ve just called them. They have no availability until the new year! His birthday was last week. No idea what to do now.

I’d move it to the new year!

Universalsnail · 18/10/2023 12:02

Cancel the party. You can't have a kids birthday party with out the kids whose birthday it is.

Sunandsea26 · 18/10/2023 12:03

Malarandras · 18/10/2023 09:29

Postpone until the New Year. It’s not a birthday party if the birthday boy isn’t there! Besides January tends to be a quiet month so a party then will be fun.

This is why I love having a January baby! It’s full of bday parties and makes it so fun 🥰

mindutopia · 18/10/2023 12:05

I would just re-schedule the 'party' for the new year, but still have a celebration of his birthday. We moved house the same week as dd's birthday a few years ago. It was chaos and we were moving to a new area. She has a small get together at home with friends, but then we did an actual party for her about 6 weeks later when life had settled and we were in a new place and she'd made new friends at her new school.

AffIt · 18/10/2023 12:05

I like the suggestion PPs have made to take the next available date and call it '5 and a bit' or similar, alongside something wee when he's feeling a bit better.

When I was growing up, my father was in the Navy and we frequently had multiple birthdays / Christmases to fit in with his leave - my experience being that you will never meet a child who will willingly pass up the opportunity to celebrate twice!

CatsTheWayToDoIt · 18/10/2023 12:05

I see you moved it - correct choice! Remember also he will have either caught chicken pox at school or spread it there, so if you held party they’d all spread it around - and make the soft play infectious too.

Sunandsea26 · 18/10/2023 12:05

OdeToBarney · 18/10/2023 10:18

Neither did my husband. So we got him and DD vaccinated!

Show quote history

My kids had it in May. My husband caught it too!! As he had it really mildly as a child. That was fun 😂

Notjustabrunette · 18/10/2023 12:06

I have to cancel my sons 5th birthday due to us all having covid. They couldn’t issue a refund but I could change the date. We waited until the following year. We did go bowling as a family though once we were all better. Holding a party without the birthday boy is a little odd and unfair.

MrsORach · 18/10/2023 12:07

Hiya!! Awww I’m so sorry your little one has chicken pox. I’m replying because we had this exact situation with my eldest last month. She came down with the sick bug! What are the chances. So we discussed it but decided she’d be so upset to know her own party was happening without her. So we cancelled- let everyone know and then set on to asking each vendor if they could help us out. I explained the situation and they really understood and said they would all do everything they could to move to another date. We sorted the venue first for the next week after school- then the bouncy castle company, balloon and cake company. The fresh food order we unfortunately lost but we said we would just keep it simple and order pizza for the kids that could come on the rearranged date. We thought that as long as we could try to make sure our daughter still got to celebrate with at least some of her friends, that was the main thing for us. Most could come to the new date, so it worked out well in the end! Hope your little one feels much better soon and hope you all have nice celebrations whatever you decide xxx

saoirse31 · 18/10/2023 12:09

Your dh seems bizarrely unsympathetic to his childs feelings

AnneValentine · 18/10/2023 12:09

Autumnleaves06 · 18/10/2023 09:20

I’ve just called them. They have no availability until the new year! His birthday was last week. No idea what to do now.

I would still cancel and get back what I could. Cake for example hasn’t been baked so they should refund some stuff if you tell them now.

party wise check cancellation policy.

a party without kid though. No.

OdeToBarney · 18/10/2023 12:09

@Sunandsea26 poor bloke! My uncle had it as an adult and was so unwell, I hope you're dh is OK now?!

Rosykitten · 18/10/2023 12:12

A new year party would be cool! It's nice to have something to look forward to, all the kids will still enjoy it just as much even though it's a postponed party - 5yr olds don't really have too much of a concept of parties close to the real birthday. Most will have completely forgotten his birthday was back in October, and when he's better in a week or two you could maybe do a special playdate with a two friends, party food rather than ordinary food and a small cake to mark the occasion as well, so he can look forward to that whilst he's getting better.

Mikimoto · 18/10/2023 12:22

Jan/Feb would be great, following Xmas comedown!
Turn it into a fun event such as his 4-and-a-quarter-day party!

Montegufoni2017 · 18/10/2023 12:26

I actually can’t believe your husband would suggest that! 😮 Almost laughable. Like, absolutely not! 🙈

fionamadcat · 18/10/2023 12:27

See if the soft play will reschedule for you?

We had this when my son was 4, he cracked his head open the night before and needed stitches. We were told to keep him quiet for the next week, when we said his party was the next day they said absolutely no way.

I called the soft play who were amazing and rescheduled the party for a few weeks later, it did mean a couple of the kids couldn’t make it but ds did (which to me was the important thing.

Goldbar · 18/10/2023 12:31

Don't worry about moving it to Jan.

During Covid, kids had 5 1/2, 6 3/4, 3 and 2 month parties or whatever depending on when we weren't in full lockdown. No one batted an eyelid and the kids still had fun. I still have some of the invites on my phone. 'Amelia is turning a quarter past 4. Come celebrate with us in Effing Freezing Sodding Park in the rain. Picnic mats to be separated by 2 metres and no mixing between mats. We will be bringing individually clingfilmed cupcakes that were baked in full hazmat suits and handing them out using sterilised food tongs. See you soon for outside fun!'

If your son has chicken pox, half the class will probably be down with it and quarantined by Saturday anyway. He's just the frontrunner.

TinChristmas · 18/10/2023 12:32

Another vote for rebooking for January as something to look forward to after Christmas and get him to make a sign saying 5 1/4 or something.
Your DH is an idiot saying have his party without him. That would be something he has to ou to have therapy for later in life, as it will become the family joke and he’ll resent you for it as it will always be brought up at every Birthday and family gathering. Please don’t do it.

Supersimkin2 · 18/10/2023 12:33

I was DS! DM had the party without me.

Wife2b · 18/10/2023 12:36

Go ahead, it’s likely the children will bring him a gift and hopefully that will cheer him up from missing it?

GreenFields07 · 18/10/2023 12:36

Of course you dont have the party without the birthday boy. Id definitely try to rearrange for the new year if thats the only time available.
If the venue aren't allowing you to change at all and you'll lose the money anyway, just let the other parents know that the party isnt going ahead but they're welcome to use the soft play anyway as its paid for.
Then book somewhere else for another party or just do something as a family when hes better.

Prettydress · 18/10/2023 12:46

If you are unable to get a refund at such short notice, as the venue is so in demand, can you post on a local parenting group offering a last minute party to someone else at a bit of a discounted price? I'm sure there would be a taker!