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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Clever ideas for petty revenge...

91 replies

2021x · 18/10/2023 03:53

Petty revenge... with a purpose.

I live in a flat and one of my immediate neighbours of a married (gay) couple, is an hostile but cowardly goblin. A couple of years ago at the height of the pandemic lockdowns, there was some increasingly hostile emails being sent about people using the washing line or something, and I asked him to tone it down. That night, he had had a few bottles of wine, lost his shit and attempted to kick in my door and banged on my windows screaming all types of abuse. It was so bad, I thought he was having a pyschotic break and was frozen in fear and 3 different people called the police. Afterwards, his husband who is very sweet and kind, wanted me to come into their flat so he could apologise to me but, that was a hard no, and there was some more intimidating behaviour after that. After a few weeks I was still terrified, so I followed up with the Police. They visited him, he told them that all he did was kick my door a few times and screamed at me, and that wasn't illegal and no harm done. The police informed him that it very much was illegal and told him to stay away from me. Since then, I have been scared about getting entering and leaving my own home and everytime I hear them putting the bottles out in the recyling in case he kicks off again and I also avoid walking past their flat at all costs (including hurricaines)

Getting on to my problem. I live at the end of the building and to access the west set of stairs, people have to walk past my bathroom window, front kitchen window, and then as the stairs go down the side of the builiding passes the side ktichen window. Every morning this mad bastard goes out of his way to take this route rather than other shorter more sheltered east stairs, like his husband now does since the warning from the police.

However, I have now grown a spine and I want to take action to stop him intimidating me. I know I can't obstruct him or the common areas and I am not going to speak to him, but I really want to put up something in my window that makes him so uncomfortable he has to stop. Obviously he is not a reasonable person i.e. perpetural victim, militant vegan, has violent outbursts that he (blames on a head injury rather than alcohol), and is deeply mysogynistic.

I was thinking about getting some sort of pornographic style picutres of women, something that will disgust him so much he won't want to walk past but do any of you wise mumsnetters have any other more classy or clever suggestions, recommendations etc.

OP posts:
LimeCheesecake · 18/10/2023 09:08

I agree with reflective film or a blind so he can’t see in.

alternatively, massive CBeebies presenter style smile, wave and act like your best mate just walked past.

but no petty revenge.

if he rents us contact his landlord. If you rent, I’d move.

Snailblue · 18/10/2023 09:16

Obviously. But I can’t see how a beautiful painting of a vagina is pornographic. It doesn’t strike me as ‘porn’

No, but the misogynistic him will interpret it as OP calling him a cunt. Job done. Go with the O'Keefe idea!

Gardeningtime · 18/10/2023 09:20

Ohyeahwaitaminute · 18/10/2023 08:07

Disengage with him. He’s seriously unhinged.

Put plants/ blinds to obscure his view and go Grey Rock. Don’t feed him anything to get angry about.

Cameras also good idea.

You think he’s the one who sounds unhinged when the op wants to put porn visible in communal areas, where children could seee?

Neriah · 18/10/2023 09:21

Stopaskingmequestionsandputthegerbildown · 18/10/2023 06:38

You want to potentially incite someone who has already shown violent to escalate? Hard no from me.

My thoughts exactly. He may have started out on this journey, but you are beginning to sound as deranged as he is.

And it is offensive to suggest that just because a man is gay he is offended by, scared of, or objects to, women.

Theunamedcat · 18/10/2023 09:26

Just put window film up in your windows so he can't see in

And fry bacon when he passes

Conkersinautumn · 18/10/2023 09:36

Camera, he's not rational. So you can't do anything unusual for you, itd be too great a personal risk. Get a camera, keep living your life. He's going to do something as he's obviously not letting go. Get it recorded. The chances are he will explode and soon.

Mydogmybestfriend · 18/10/2023 09:40

I feel your pain op I had a nasty male neighbour before I moved to my house and police were very unhelpful. The best thing I can advise is to ignore, when you see him ignore, if he attempts to speak to you, just say don't talk to me or piss off. He's a bully, they back down when they think you aren't scared of them

Mydogmybestfriend · 18/10/2023 09:41

Yes and some sort of CCTV but I would use hidden most people try tame their behaviour when they know a camera is watching. You need to catch him in the act

SinnerBoy · 18/10/2023 09:44

I understand the desire for revenge, but this guy sounds completely unhinged. I agree with the advice to get a camera, also, keep a record of all incidents, not matter how trivial. This can be used later, if you try to have him prosecuted.

I'd steer clear of revenge, because if he thinks it's you, he's very likely to be violent to you.

Jewelspun · 18/10/2023 10:18

Just wave a red flag out of the window every time he walks past!

Honestly why are you deliberately intent on antagonising him and winding him up further?

Just make sure you have window film, shutters, blinds, curtains or whatever your choice of decor is so that your privacy is maintained.

If he does have a head injury, then his erratic and aggressive behaviour is set and isn't going to change.

Maddy70 · 18/10/2023 10:24

I would bbq massove steaks at teh time he is coming home from work so that's all he can see and smell

TrouserTownie · 18/10/2023 10:29

But what has he actually done since the warning from the police?
How is he still intimidating you?
What specific incidents have there been?
You haven't said what you want "petty revenge" for? The fact he walks past your windows rather than taking the other route?

Maddy70 · 18/10/2023 10:29

I wouldn't actually do anything. I would totally ignore him. He is attention seeking. Don't give him any

Rockschooldropout · 18/10/2023 10:32

Ignore - he’s pulling your chain and loving it , so don’t react .. put sone privacy film on the glass so you can’t see him and vice versa

Jewelspun · 18/10/2023 10:35

How often are you in and how often does he leave his flat at the same time you are in?

It can't be that many times.

SistersNotCisters · 18/10/2023 11:16

Window open a bit, oil burner on the window sill and bacon fat in it or better yet, this bacon scented candle for every time this militant vegan nasty man walks by.

www.etsy.com/uk/listing/972134645/

MaryMcCarthy · 18/10/2023 11:20

Sorry can I just confirm, you're considering putting PORN in your WINDOW to annoy a neighbour?

Sometimes you just need to step back and think for a minute.

You're considering putting PORN in your WINDOW to annoy a neighbour?

If something bad happens and you have to call the police, will you hastily remove the porn before they arrive? Do you ever have kids visiting or passing by? Because what you're suggesting is borderline illegal.

SistersNotCisters · 18/10/2023 11:24

It's high time your window got a new custom window film. You can buy them cheap enough and you just stick it to the glass. https://www.jafgraphics.co.uk/window-film-add-your-own-image?gadsource=1&gclid=Cj0KCQjwhL6pBhDjARIsAGx8D59mTaY6EE5VxwDT8s1Dye-0mEQSUTTgrvYkcV-jw0jLKDcGMRR5PUaApPKEALwwwcB

Clever ideas for petty revenge...
BrightGreenMoonBuggy · 18/10/2023 11:47

Put one-way privacy film on your window. He won’t have the satisfaction of knowing if you can see him or not, and he won’t be able to see you, only his own pathetic little face.

MaryMcCarthy · 18/10/2023 11:48

BrightGreenMoonBuggy · 18/10/2023 11:47

Put one-way privacy film on your window. He won’t have the satisfaction of knowing if you can see him or not, and he won’t be able to see you, only his own pathetic little face.

He'll have the satisfaction of knowing you purposely bought one-way privacy film.

Jelllytot · 18/10/2023 11:52

How about an accidental cracked egg or spilt yoghurt on the floor? Albeit means mess for you to clean up after though

MainlyOnThePlain · 18/10/2023 11:57

If your whole kitchen is visible from a main thoroughfare I'd consider putting privacy film or blinds up anyway, regardless of this neighbour.

But seriously, don't escalate this.

CurlewKate · 18/10/2023 11:58

The OP thinks pornographic pictures of women will be particularly upsetting to this ghastly man because he's gay. And we all know gay men have fits of the vapours if they see female genitalia. <sigh>

TheSkyRaisin · 18/10/2023 14:23

Don't escalate! The window film is a good idea. You could get one that is mirrored on the outside, so all he will see is himself if he tries to sken at you.

By all means use this thread as an outlet for fantasy revenge (glitter bomb in the post?!) but in real life keep yourself safe. Even if you did something he could never trace back to you, he's clearly unhinged enough to lash out anyway. People like him will take his grievances out on any convenient target.

And yes, pornography in your window is disgusting and could lead to you getting in trouble yourself.

Malarandras · 18/10/2023 14:30

Antagonising someone who has already shown violent and unpredictable behaviour is never a good idea. Anything you do will just make him feel like he is winning anyway as you are showing him he has power over you. Best to ignore him, log any further incidents and report as appropriate. Don’t put yourself at any risk - it is not worth it.

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