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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I can't do anything

114 replies

zengarden1 · 17/10/2023 18:57

Partly for fun but also kinda serious also. I tend not to be able to do lots of stuff which give examples of below and so I often feel useless but shrug it off. Pls ask questions of what I can do and I'll answer

I CANT

Open a tin with a can opener
Sew knit crochet etc
Cook very well (basic)
Clean very well (basic)
Blow balloons

And now I'm sat here with a list I can't think of lots but ask away and I'll answer

OP posts:
CalistoNoSolo · 17/10/2023 19:27

itsmyp4rty · 17/10/2023 19:21

Then why don't you just move along.

Jesus Christ why doesn't everyone that's making a huge fuss over a light hearted thread move along to the 'pile on' thread and read about yourselves on there.

You're very far from being lighthearted. Maybe being lighthearted is something else you can't do.

BravoMyDear · 17/10/2023 19:28

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

No, she really hasn’t been. She’s asked some reasonable questions and you have been rude.

AutumIsOrange · 17/10/2023 19:29

It IS worth noting that the OP posted in AIBU and not Chat. People gonna ask questions in here.

VeridicalVagabond · 17/10/2023 19:29

nozbottheblue · 17/10/2023 19:21

Can I ask a question? What would you do if "hubby" wasn't there to do these things for you? Are there things you do for him in return?
Nobody is born knowing how to do any of these things, they all have to be learned.
I don't find this thread fun at all, but rather annoying.

Because if a woman came on here and said "my husband can't cook, clean, use a tin opener or change a lightbulb and expects me to do all those things for him" everyone would be telling her to leave him immediately because he is weaponising incompetence.

Lacking basic life skills and expecting your partner to pick up your slack is not a good thing, it's not funny or cute, and people criticising it are not "piling on". There's a difference between a pile on and people expressing differing opinions - the criticisms are valid.

Pinkypie86 · 17/10/2023 19:29

I can't bake, I don't have the patience for it. Which is strange because I'm a very patient person, usually.
I can't decide on an outfit and stick to it!
I can't be arsed to do the gardening...

VeridicalVagabond · 17/10/2023 19:30

Sorry @nozbottheblue , replied to the wrong post! I can add "can't respond correctly on Mumsnet" to my list evidently

NotMyKallax · 17/10/2023 19:30

I can’t understand why people post threads like these!

CowFreeForClimate · 17/10/2023 19:35

Make a list of what you CAN do.

FuglyBitch · 17/10/2023 19:35

Have you heard about the growth vs closed mindset? It’s obvious which one you have, but it’s easy to switch

NeverDropYourMooncup · 17/10/2023 19:39

Tins - get an electric opener. No coordination or grip strength required to push a non ring pull can into it and press the handle down.

Light bulbs - switch to screw fittings. No pushing up and twisting like you do with bayonet bulbs.

Sewing and knitting - bar possibly putting a button on (and for that you can get a little tag machine like is used to attach labels to clothes in the shops), it's easy enough to get by with a combination of using iron on wundaweb tape and taking things to an alteration tailor or a dry cleaner that offers repairs.

Blow up balloons - good. They're environmentally awful and the sound of them popping is enough to cause physical pain.

DIY. If you can't/don't have the coordination/strength or the spatial awareness, it's probably for the best that you don't. Keep your local handyman and decorators in business when your DH doesn't want or isn't able to do something.

Cook very well - you could probably get better with experience, but if you can do basic things like heat up something from a tin and put it on toast, cook pasta and add a sauce from a jar, open a bag of salad and put it on a plate, microwave potatoes or anything that has instructions, that kind of thing, you aren't going to starve anytime soon.

Cleaning - you could probably improve if you started with small habits that reduce the build up, such as always putting packaging into the bin as you're cooking. But if not, you could employ a cleaner. If you get PIP, it's a perfectly reasonable use of some of the money.

It might be better for your state of mind to look at things you actually need done and how you can either do them or get around them, whether it's by planning the need away (such as when you buy tins with ring pulls) or by outsourcing (like a handyman or cleaner), though. And to consider things that you can do/are good at, because there is likely to be something.

randomfemthinker · 17/10/2023 19:57

Despite we as a society being progressive when it comes to some groups of people to the point of use of language, we still seem to really despise people with invisible/mis understood disabilities. OP, when I read this post, I did think you could be autistic or have dyspraxia. It all makes life harder to navigate, doesn't it? Unless you have had solid experience of certain things, why "would" you know how to do them necessarily? Often things for some of us just take longer to learn. I too struggled with tin openers before I became more used to cooking and figuring them out over time. The knotting of balloons I often find a challenge and feel anxious over them suddenly popping. Sometimes they tie first time, other times they don't. I am fine with cooking and changing a bulb. I think this is a really interesting thread idea and I took it as light hearted as it was meant to be.

bonzaitree · 17/10/2023 20:23

OP have you been tested for dyspraxia?

It often shows up alongside autism and would explain why you can’t do fine motor skills such as tin opening and knitting etc.

There are occupational therapy type exercises that you can do to improve coordination.

I know about this because my sister has autism/ dyspraxia and she went to this place where physios gave her exercises like balancing on a wobble board, catching a ball etc. The improvement was absolutely remarkable.

JhsLs · 17/10/2023 20:23

I cannot peel a boiled egg 😫

bonzaitree · 17/10/2023 20:25

FuglyBitch · 17/10/2023 19:35

Have you heard about the growth vs closed mindset? It’s obvious which one you have, but it’s easy to switch

OP has autism so please be mindful that neurodiverse brains work differently.

Not that your comment would be helpful to anyone in fact.

CinnamonJellyBeans · 17/10/2023 20:35

Wow! This thread has really annoyed people!

I can use a can-opener, but not properly. I could sort that one, but it annoys the hell out of DH. I finally learned to tie my shoe laces properly in my 20s, cannot turn on the correct hob ring and also cannot see objects when they are literally in front of me if they are not the same or similar to the one I have in my mind, or if they're in the wrong place, even something as big as a cat or dog.

Northernsouloldies · 17/10/2023 20:37

JhsLs · 17/10/2023 20:23

I cannot peel a boiled egg 😫

Roll across a hard surface the shell peels off quite easily.

randomfemthinker · 17/10/2023 20:39

I'd take the life skills of kindness and empathy over many considered basic skills anytime. Both of which are actually lacking on here overall I notice in threads when people post about struggles to function in any sense on the subject of "adulting". Both my partner and I are neurodiverse and support each other over what we can or can't do.

Northernsouloldies · 17/10/2023 20:40

Just to clarify, hold the egg n use the palm of your hand to roll across hard surface. Not just roll cos that won't do anything 😂.

JhsLs · 17/10/2023 20:40

Northernsouloldies · 17/10/2023 20:37

Roll across a hard surface the shell peels off quite easily.

No really, I have the ability to eff it up no matter what the circumstances. I have genuinely tried all the tricks and I still lose half the egg in the process.

Coffeesnob11 · 17/10/2023 20:42

I cannot remember the rules of chess nor forsee losing on the next turn, I just don't get it.
I can't read a map without turning it around and even then I get lost without sat nav.
I can't remember numbers but I do remember patterns. So pin numbers etc are patterns. I have had the same work mobile number for 9 years and I can't remember it.
I can't remember my left from my right. At school I was a lefties then they made me swap and tried to teach me my right is the hand you hold the pen with but my brain doesnt remember that.
I am nuerodiverse so I have no idea if that affects things but there are loads of things I can do. I have learned how to build built in wardrobes and shelves, wallpapering, changing plug sockets, fencing, making a headboard, basic cake decorating and to cook to a reasonable level.

Northernsouloldies · 17/10/2023 20:43

Least you tried. 😁 In my first job I had to peel loads for egg mayo salads, hundreds of the bloody things.

StBrides · 17/10/2023 20:45

zengarden1 · 17/10/2023 18:57

Partly for fun but also kinda serious also. I tend not to be able to do lots of stuff which give examples of below and so I often feel useless but shrug it off. Pls ask questions of what I can do and I'll answer

I CANT

Open a tin with a can opener
Sew knit crochet etc
Cook very well (basic)
Clean very well (basic)
Blow balloons

And now I'm sat here with a list I can't think of lots but ask away and I'll answer

I don't think you're alone in struggling with blow up balloons (there's a knack) or finding can openers difficult. And cooking & cleaning comes with practice - there are some great YouTube videos for teaching you how kitchen skills & you can watch them as much as you need.

Cooking isn't my strong point either!

Can you explain what it is you struggle with when it comes to changing light bulbs? Is it just that you've never really had to?

I can't roll my tongue and I'm not great at washing up - so pleased I have dishwasher!

randomfemthinker · 17/10/2023 20:46

I struggle with facial recognition. It takes me a while to remember a face but as well, it's what it is.

PerspiringElizabeth · 17/10/2023 20:49

Doubt you’ll be back OP but you got the wrong person - @Isittimeformynapyet asked like one question, @Ilikealltings asked a few which I think are the ones you didn’t like. But they were fine.

I can’t understand lose weight, can’t be bothered with masses of housework, and can’t have a dog as can’t pick up poo 🤢

DerekFaker · 17/10/2023 20:51

I can't blow up balloons either!

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