To not enjoy my children together?

[Frostyfields]

I feel really guilty but I have a 3 year old and a 5 month old and the 3 year old goes to nursery for part of the week. The two days I have then both at home are horrendous and I feel so bad about it. I feel such a mixture of guilt and relief when I drop the 3 year old off at nursery. Yet other mums have their children all the time, no break at al, and seem fine: it makes me wonder if I’m particularly bad at this?

Everyone's different. If my toddler didn't go to childcare all week I'd go insane and I don't even have another baby yet! 😅It's ok to need time to recharge. Toddlers are intense.

Mine are 9 and 7 and I still feel like that 🤣
It's much easier dealing with them on a 1 to 1 basis.

This is why i had a 5 year age gap between my children 😅 honestly i don't know how parents cope with a toddler and a baby.

Oh no @WanderingWitches , I hoped it would get easier 😂😂

If I’d been younger I think I’d have gone for a bigger gap @Youcancallmeirrelevant!

I’ve got a 9 and 3 year old. I really don’t like having them together in the holidays. They actually bicker even with such a big age gap

Mine are now 3 and 11 months. I noticed a real turning point when baby was 6/7 months and although it doesn't become easy, it does get easIER !

Also for the first 10 months I had both at home by myself no childcare or nursery for the toddler and although I might've looked fine, I wasn't, it was horrendous for those first 6 months!

Only think that I find helps is get out the house. Am and pm. Get baby used to napping in the sling or buggy and car and just get busy! Makes the day go quicker as many many days I just felt like I was waiting for their bedtime!

I loved my three together when they were small. Yes it could be stressful, especially if they all cried at the same time, then I felt totally helpless with only two arms.
mine never went to nursery so maybe we’re forced to have a closer bond???

Two under two here. I would be lost without childcare for the toddler. It’s getting easier now as baby gets older and flies around the place after the toddler.
I feel horrendous guilt dropping off the toddler. He was only in childcare for a couple months and I didn’t want to disrupt him further by taking him out again when the baby came. I think that the baby needs the one on one time that he gets by his sibling being in crèche.

My friends have two boys of 7 and 3.5 and I often help them out by being an extra pair of hands around the house at weekends and in the holidays. When the boys are together there are brief periods where they play together nicely and it's good and they occupy each other. But more often than not the 7 year old will get bored and start winding his little brother up by having toys be eaten by dinosaurs or saying "you're in jail now" or however he sets the rules of the game in his favour. Cue wailing and flailing of arms from the upset toddler. Or they just end up doing unwise things that endanger each other, jumping off furniture or wrestling. It always has to escalate into hyped up 3 year olds and the 7 year old not listening to stop, and usually tears. It's absolutely worse in the hour before bed when they're meant to be calming down.

Having one of them on their own is a holiday compared to both together.

It's nothing to do with bond. Some parents find parenting easier than others. Some kids are easier to parent than others.

I only have one DC and even I used to feel relief at drop off when she was in nursery.

Parenting is hard and we're not all Mary Poppins types.

I've got a 14, 10 and 5 year old.
I purposely tried for bigger age gaps so I'd only have one child at home at a time, outside of school holidays, as I don't think I'd have coped with more than one needing high levels of attention at once.

Individually they're all great, get them in the same room as each other for more than a few minutes and all hell breaks loose.

You're doing nothing wrong, parenthood is getting through it the best way you can, so don't feel bad.

No way are you BU. Both children are at very different stages and have different needs, but are both still very young and need a lot. Of course it’s hard.
Going back to work will be pure bliss - guaranteed.

I have grandsons, one at senior school, one at junior. Separately they are delightful, together they are a nightmare!

I think once I'd accepted those days with two would be a bit tougher it was easier mentally! On nursery days, I'd take baby DD to a class and then we'd do chores or food shopping, we'd go for a nice walk. Days with both of them we'd be out of the door early either to the park or to stay & play which seemed to help, afternoons would be feeding the ducks or visiting a grandparent or going to a coffee shop - if we didn't get out first thing I could guarantee the rest of the day would be a shit show. The sling was a godsend too as I could tuck DD2 out of the way.

It got much easier when DD2 started to play a bit more and was happy enough banging a few duplo blocks together. Now 6 &3 I found DD1 reading a book to her sister this morning while I got ready for work - they're normally fighting so that was nice.

I have similar age children and I don’t think we would all survive a week if my eldest didn’t go to nursery every morning! I honestly don’t know how people with multiple kids at home do it. You’re definitely not BU and I think if people were honest most mums with kids these ages feel the same. We’re in the trenches! I just keep telling myself it won’t be long until they can play with each other and give me a break (please nobody burst my bubble/ this notion is the only thing getting me through 😂). God help us all for the 2 weeks off nursery over Christmas.

You sound like a completely normal mum to me x don’t you worry x

3 yr old and 6 yr old here. I prefer them separately as well. I feel guilty but hoping it improves as they get older.

Just signing in as a parent of twins .

It’s totally normal, but I have to add that I have tried to prioritise cooperative play with my three. I can’t and won’t spend my life refereeing.

I have just started a similar sibling thread! Mine are boys, 8 and 5, and separately, especially with just one parent, they’re amazing 99% of the time (and they’re not easy kids). But lord, together…fireworks!

Mine are 9 and 5 and so so so much easier separately, they always have been. I love it when they play together and hearing them giggling is my favourite thing, but 90% of the time it ends up with someone crying or them getting themselves overexcited, someone usually gets hurt, etc. They also conspire against me

One on one is lovely! Their behaviour is practically perfect when I've just got the one to deal with. I love spending time with them individually, and so does DH. At the weekend we try to do some things together, and some things one adult and one kid, then we swap for a bit. It's nice!

More than one under 5 is tough. Even when it was only one I didn't always enjoy DD1's company in the singular!

DD1 and DD2 now can sometimes be a little exuberant and noisy (they are 18 and 14) but are generally good company.

They’re so small and it’s very difficult at that age. Mine have a three year gap and I found when my youngest was 18 months it suddenly became easier to have them together.

They’re 10 & 7 now and I find them 100% easier together as they occupy each other whereas the 7 year old on his own gets bored and the 10 year old would sit in front of a screen the entire time if allowed; days off together mean they play in the garden etc and I’m largely ignored!! I also love the dynamic of two kids with one or two adults: they have a proper little camaraderie and gang up on us, which I love! It will get easier!

My children are really good friends and have each other's backs in a way that melts my heart. But regularly on the journey to grandma's, I am tempted to pull onto the hard shoulder and chuck them out. They are 22 and 26......🤣