To wonder why some posts are dived on

[chessica]

Fairly straightforward post and I have been dived on. Same happened to me a couple of weeks ago (different usernames to this … I change often). I’ve seen it happen countless times to other people usually those who are clearly anxious over something and then they get mocked about it or other derisive comments.

Why do people do it? Do you think it’s just a boredom thing? Or people think they can, since they’re anon? It seems worse on here and on chat and a lot more constructive and supportive on some of the other boards. I’m not going to trot out the ‘be kind’ as obviously it doesn’t apply to all situations, but why go out your way to be mean?

Well people won’t be able to answer without an eg of the thread

Pack mentality/herd behaviour plus the anonymity of the forum.

So one person starts to pick/mock etc... others join in as thats clearly what we're doing in this thread, then the next lot along probably don't want to risk the tables turned on them by disagreeing so they join in.

We're a pretty horrible species really, but also fairly predictable in our behaviour!

You see it much more in AIBU because its already a bit of a set up for people to say 'yes, you ARE being unreasonable', whereas in Chat or Telly Addicts etc, that's not the case.

Then there is the MN 'AIBU reputation' which is viperish in the extreme with a bit of an air of 'anything goes'... and relies heavily on members reporting posts for moderation to happen. That means if lots of people are enjoying giving someone a text-based kicking, posts won't be reported so quickly as they would elsewhere.

I experienced this recently on chat, I was a bit taken aback and upset by it especially on that board. To be fair after a series of smart arse mocking posts there were plenty genuine kind ones. It's put me off starting a thread again

I’ve had this a couple of times- but,I am never vindictive and spiteful. I would say about 80% positive and the negative is directed at situations not people. It seems the tide of threads can turn quite quickly. I’ve noticed the OP’s who deal gracefully with the abuse, thank their supporters and focus on the problem, not name calling tend to do OK. Trading blows with the herd is a huge mistake. The OP’s who do this often end up looking a little deranged. A few put downs, while keeping the thread moving seems to be the best way to deal with it. Very often the thread can turn twice, so other posters will then have a go at name callers and stick up for the OP. It’s a tangled web 😊

Yep. I posted recently as a thread had descended almost immediately into insults , mockery and downright nastiness.

It's brutal. And unnecessary. And it pisses me off

This just happened on my AIBU thread

It was quite funny really looking back though not at time

Some posters just can't stop themselves from ignoring the actual question and telling you you are AIBU for a million other things instead

Then getting annoying when you don't accept you are BU (for something you never asked about)

*annoyed not annoying

Though those posters were quite annoying

It’s just not nice but it can honestly be so vicious! It really affects me and makes me think twice about whether I post. Some posters comment retorts I could never even think up. I can only think it’s as PP says that it’s the shield of anonymity

I think 'mood of the nation' comes into it. Seen more snippy responses this last week but the general mood of everyone seems snippy at the moment. I guess heavily influenced by Gaza/Israel and the never ending bad news, cold weather, darker nights drawing in, lots of illness going round now autumn and back to school has set in..............

Some posters are unpleasant. On the other hand there are posters who don't cope well with challenge or disagreement and insist people are being nasty to them. Sometimes they are : sometimes they aren't.

I had this once where I had a perfectly normal question about a reaction from a friend and wondered if I was overreacting and a load of people piled on telling me I was annoying, a child, crap friend etc. I mean they may have had a point but it was just a huge hurtful pile on and I had to have the thread pulled.

Some people post comments that they think are oh so funny, but they're actually just lame as fuck.

Are you on glue?
What did he/she say when you...?
Na

Or the fake confusion and emoji with the wobbly mouth.

Wannabe mean girls who wouldn’t dare in real life, plus actual bullies because it’s sport to them.

If someone starts their sentence with ‘surely..’ or ‘you do realise, OP’ or ends their first sentence with ‘OP?’ you can usually identify them and not read the rest.

I had that experienced a few weeks ago. Started an innocuous thread about nothing and had 13 pages of replies absolutely going mad. Some of the names I was called! I was baffled, hid the thread for a bit but then did revisit it later and saw the funny side. I’ve seen it so many times but it does shock a bit when it’s SO vicious and just seems out of proportion. I honestly would have got less of a pile on if I’d said I sympathised with Jimmy Savill.
I am actually a bit of a twat myself but I wouldn’t be vile to someone online. Maybe tart but not horrible. I don’t get it. And don’t get me started on the lack of reading comprehension which leads to so much of it.

I had some blatant ageism and downright nastiness on a work related thread. Some people are just utter twats.

Watch Olivia attaward Vs trolls Its on BBC I think. Sums up basically why people get brave over the internet and are miserable in person. After watching that I could not be mad at anyone on the internet what a sad existent you have to try bully someone

This.

If you put in too much detail you get 'you're hard work OP'...

If you don't put in enough, then you get accused of drip feeding (which is really a way of saying 'you're inventing extra details to make you look less unreasonable').

It is very much the nature of internet forums, and whilst on some you can end up building close knit communities (I am 'real life' friends with people I met on smaller forums over 20 years ago!)... In the case of Mumsnet, where moderation is relatively low AND you have the ability to name change (generally not a thing!), and the user base is absolutely enormous, that's less likely to happen.

Humans are humans and they are more likely to be total cunts to people they don't know and don't really feel are 'real' people.

This is why I would never start a thread about anything serious or sensitive. I'm probably already feeling a bit raw about it, how is a nasty feeding frenzy from a load of randoms on MN going to help? My personal rule is to never join in on such threads. If I see a thread has taken off that way I will not add to it even if the OP does sound like a nightmare. If they don't sound like a nightmare then I might make a comment in support of them. I'm quite sometimes at those who charge on to Join In The Kicking. As if they're in competition to be the sneeriest or come up with the worst insult. Like Spiteful Sheep.

I think it’s people just looking for someone to be shit to.
And attempts to turn the thread
They probably have no idea about the issue posted, possibly not Mums or women or British -could be any random wind up merchants
Just keep that in mind

I'll give you one answer - Tattlelife..... some threads come up on there, its a site for mocking celebs/instagrammers/vloggers etc etc.

There is a mumsnet thread.

I've been on MN for 15 years. It's always been like this.

Some people are judgmental and angry, and anonymous posting to mock, scorn or cancel others makes them feel powerful. They get a little dopamine rush every time they hit "post". These same people are often very intolerant of opinions other than their own. So they feel justified because they (or their beliefs) are superior. It's a massive problem with online debate. But it's not going to change.