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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Bridesmaid dress

82 replies

Whatwouldyoudo2021 · 15/10/2023 19:24

Hi all,

I need some advice on how to handle a situation,
I am bridesmaid for a friend at the end of November and I’ve tried my dress on again today and it looks awful.
I’ve got a 12 month old baby and my body isn’t the same as what it used to be, the dress is black, full
length and high neck lined. I look truly awful in it, the bridesmaid are all wearing the same dress so it’s not like I can wear something else.
it almost looks like a Halloween fancy dress outfit,

would I be unreasonable to say to friend I can’t wear the dress, I’ll get another dress or I will relinquish my bridesmaid duties?

please help as I’m suffering so much anxiety about the whole situation.

OP posts:

Thread gallery

Toddlerteaplease · 15/10/2023 22:27

Whatwouldyoudo2021 · 15/10/2023 19:31

I think it’s more the fact it’s black, nigh necked with sleeves and full length,
it’s just a lot for my colouring and I normally always wear black, it just looks overwhelming when worn.
the dress its self like I say fits like a glove,
nothing wrong with the fit

It's what she wants. And it's her day. If she's paid for it, just wear it. It's not about you.

SacAMain · 16/10/2023 10:47

Screamingabdabz · 15/10/2023 21:54

What a bitchy pile on here 🙄 of course it’s not ok to feel anxious at the thought of feeling humiliated in a dress that doesn’t suit you just because it’s “her” special day. The op is a new mother and her mental health and relaxation on the day is just as important.

If I was the bride I would horrified that my bridesmaid felt that way. But then I wouldn’t have chosen a black full coverage high neck bin-bag monstrosity for my friends to wear.

I don’t know what the answer is op but life is too short to feel anxious about shit like this that ultimately doesn’t matter in the big scheme of things. I’d sack it off personally.

No one is "humiliated" in a length black dress, especially when they always wear black anyway.🙄

It might not be the most flattering, and show as much cleavage as one would choose. It can't be that "floaty" if it fits like a glove!

Who cares. it's' about the bride. Make sure you have lovely hair, good make-up. You will be a bridesmaid in a black dress, people might like or not like the style clearly chosen by the bride, but it's never a reflection on the bridesmaid.

AmiablePedant · 16/10/2023 15:36

Am I being unreasonable to say (wildly snotty and subjective, I know) that black for bridesmaids is a bit naff? It's a wedding, not a cocktail party. (Runs and hides as 50 Mumsnetters who've clothed their bridesmaids in black get out the carving knives . . . .) And if it is not even elegant black, then the OP has my sympathy, even if there's nowt to be done about it at this point.

purplecorkheart · 16/10/2023 15:50

It is too late to say something imo to say that you do not like the dress. I am large chested and know that neckline would look awful on me so you do have my sympathies. I highly recommend getting a bra fitting and look into minimiser bras.

Are you getting your hair and make up done professionally on the day? If not I would certainly consider bring a photo to a makeup counter and get their suggestions for make up and likewise a consult with a hair stylist to suggest a style that looks well. Maybe consider getting some fake tan.

SacAMain · 16/10/2023 16:05

AmiablePedant · 16/10/2023 15:36

yes, you are.

You wouldn't be unreasonable to dislike it, or dislike orange, white, green for bridesmaids...

but it's not any more "naff" than any other colour.

Looking at the persistence of the "little black dress", I'd imagine it must be one of the rare colours that suits everyone as most women do wear black. Even the OP normally wears black anyway.

ClemmyTine · 16/10/2023 16:08

It's only one day.
It's your friend's choice.
People won't think you look awful, they'll think the dress is awful, there's a difference.

I went to a wedding where there were seven bridesmaids in a deep green. Terrible. No one said the BMs looked horrible, just the dresses.

MargotBamborough · 16/10/2023 16:15

It's too late to say anything, I'm afraid.

But for what it's worth I think it is mean to choose bridesmaids dresses without letting your bridesmaids have any input.

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