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AIBU?

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Original poster

Bridesmaid dress

82 replies

Whatwouldyoudo2021 · 15/10/2023 19:24

Hi all,

I need some advice on how to handle a situation,
I am bridesmaid for a friend at the end of November and I’ve tried my dress on again today and it looks awful.
I’ve got a 12 month old baby and my body isn’t the same as what it used to be, the dress is black, full
length and high neck lined. I look truly awful in it, the bridesmaid are all wearing the same dress so it’s not like I can wear something else.
it almost looks like a Halloween fancy dress outfit,

would I be unreasonable to say to friend I can’t wear the dress, I’ll get another dress or I will relinquish my bridesmaid duties?

please help as I’m suffering so much anxiety about the whole situation.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
TeamSleep · 15/10/2023 21:00

I’ve been a bridesmaid four times and every time I’ve hated the dress had to wear and I’ve looked hideous. But you do it because it’s for your friend. It’s miserable though. Much prefer being a guest, no pressure and you can choose your own dress.

One wedding dress had netting under the skirt and it so itchy I got naked as soon as I got in the car to go home as I couldn’t stand to be in it a moment longer! The worst though was a dress that made my huge boobs look ginormous. I was holding back tears throughout the photos thinking how much I was ruining them!

UsingChangeofName · 15/10/2023 21:03

This can't be real, surely ?

The dress fits beautifully.
You normally wear black so it's not the colouring.
It's just the style you aren't keen on and you are actually thinking of saying to your friend a month before her wedding that you don't want to wear it ? Hmm

YABVVVVVU

Livelovebehappy · 15/10/2023 21:08

Whatwouldyoudo2021 · 15/10/2023 19:28

Thank you, it fits like a glove, but I think it’s more the colour, cut and style of dress.
it’s the colour and material aswell as the neckline,
My sister said I looked like morticia from the Addams family

Tbh, most people wearing a long, high necked black dress are not going to look great. I’ve been a bridesmaid 6 times in my life, and not liked or suited any of the dresses I’ve worn. But it’s not about you, and being chosen to be a bridesmaid is a special honour, so I would just try and suck it up and smile. If you are having your make up done on the day, have a trial beforehand, and see if they can alter your skin tone with foundation, as I know with black, it can make the best of us look washed out.

Pinkshoppingbag · 15/10/2023 21:16

Presumably you've known this was the dress for a while? YABU. Suck it up.

Canisaysomething · 15/10/2023 21:25

It’s waaaay too late to start voicing opinions about the dress. Your sister was cruel and rude and no doubt you will feel a bit meh in most outfits post baby.

therealcookiemonster · 15/10/2023 21:34

like a pp said good shape wear will help. also, you can accessorise it and wear a shawl/jacket that neutralises (just take this off for the ceremony and pics).

and the make up and hairstyle will make all the difference.

I mean ultimately, if its a close friend then surely its important to make her happy on her wedding day? I would wear a bin bag if asked by my one of my close friends on their wedding day....

rickandmorts · 15/10/2023 21:44

I was a bridesmaid 4 months post baby for my best friend. The dress was perhaps the worst colour for my complexion and I was about 3 dress sizes bigger than all the other bridesmaids. I put some fake tan and shapewear on, did my hair and makeup nice and actually the pictures are fine and I'm so glad I didn't say anything and just got on with it. I think, very gently, you will have to do the same here. She obviously picked the dress because she likes it.

Northby · 15/10/2023 21:46

I also have a big bust and big shoulders. I’ve worn some bridesmaid dresses that look TERRIBLE on me. And guess what… I don’t care! I could be dressed in a hessian sack for all I care, as it’s NOT my day and it doesn’t reflect on me.

It’s your friend’s day, not yours. Wear the dress and a big smile. It’s her vision and her style. Maybe she loves a bit of Morticia and wants dark and dramatic. Maybe she’ll look back on it and wonder what she was thinking. Either way - not your problem!

Beauty comes from confidence and that comes from within!

And I’ve been to a lot of weddings and honestly can’t remember what any of the bridesmaids were wearing. I can remember a number of the bride’s dress though!

rookiemere · 15/10/2023 21:47

The dress is bought and it fits - although I am keen to know who paid for it.

You would be massively unreasonable with a month to go to do anything except do your best to use make up to lift your complexion and plaster on a smile.

I mean honestly what do you expect her to do at this stage ? Buy everyone new dresses because you're not happy with yours ?

Laurdo · 15/10/2023 21:50

You'll probably feel better about it once your hair and makeup are done. I always think formal dresses look a bit silly when you're trying them on with no makeup and a ponytail.

FlamingBlue · 15/10/2023 21:51

I was a bridesmaid several times when younger. Some of the dresses were absolute monstrosities but I wore them because my family and friends who were getting married were more important than a dress I would wear once and never again.

Userxyd · 15/10/2023 21:51

Totally empathise but yes you have to suck it up- and suck it in lol. So shapewear, spray tan, way heavier make up than usual, big jewellery, hair, maybe a stole to throw over when the photos are done and you might actually like it.
You just have to imagine you're a different person for the night, a seductive sophisticated all black wearing hot mama!! Just go for it and you might even enjoy it!

Screamingabdabz · 15/10/2023 21:54

What a bitchy pile on here 🙄 of course it’s not ok to feel anxious at the thought of feeling humiliated in a dress that doesn’t suit you just because it’s “her” special day. The op is a new mother and her mental health and relaxation on the day is just as important.

If I was the bride I would horrified that my bridesmaid felt that way. But then I wouldn’t have chosen a black full coverage high neck bin-bag monstrosity for my friends to wear.

I don’t know what the answer is op but life is too short to feel anxious about shit like this that ultimately doesn’t matter in the big scheme of things. I’d sack it off personally.

Cinai · 15/10/2023 21:55

I get it, I have body issues and it would cause me considerable anxiety to wear a dress that I think looks terrible on me. Can you add accessories like a jacket?

TeeedleDum · 15/10/2023 21:55

To be honest I think you just need to suck it up. As long as it fits I think it would be quite upsetting for the bride to say you don't like it. Also no one's going to be judging you on the dress, like everyone will know you didn't pick it, so I don't really get why it matters if you don't love it

steppemum · 15/10/2023 21:58

I would take a photo of yourslef in the dress and send it to the bride.

With a neutral type of caption -
Just tried it on, what do you think?

That way she will either go -
fab- just the look I was thinking of, and then you know she is happy and just wear the dress
or
OMG is look awful on you! OK that wans['t the look I wanted, lets remove sleeves etc etc.

Gardeningtime · 15/10/2023 21:58

I’m so confused. This starts with wear something else or not be a bridesmaid, when she’s only got two. To I’m more than happy to wear it. So if it’s the latter why start a thread?

UsingChangeofName · 15/10/2023 21:58

Don't be ridiculous @Screamingabdabz
It's not "a pile on" and people haven't been bitchy.

The OP has asked if she can spoil her friend's wedding with just a month to go, because the dress wouldn't be her choice.
Most people have pointed out that of course she can't.

Posts like those from @rickandmorts and @Northby have been excellent, and hopefully helpful in helping the OP put things in perspective.

kopitiamgal · 15/10/2023 22:00

UsingChangeofName · 15/10/2023 21:58

Don't be ridiculous @Screamingabdabz
It's not "a pile on" and people haven't been bitchy.

The OP has asked if she can spoil her friend's wedding with just a month to go, because the dress wouldn't be her choice.
Most people have pointed out that of course she can't.

Posts like those from @rickandmorts and @Northby have been excellent, and hopefully helpful in helping the OP put things in perspective.

I always had the impression that BM's dresses were supposed to be ugly so as not to outshine the bride. Some interesting takes with a quick Google..
https://www.racked.com/2016/6/8/11852166/ugly-bridesmaids-dress-why
https://queenly.com/blog/why-bridesmaid-dresses-ugly

But when I was shopping for BM dresses earlier this year I kid you not 99% of the dresses were the same . You actively have to make an effort to find something ugly.

Somehow the bride choosing a black dress makes me think she has some gothic theme or style in mind.... and looking like Morticia Adams/Halloween theme is actually the intended effect, rather than to embarrass the OP.

bonzaitree · 15/10/2023 22:01

in the nicest way possible no one will be looking at you!

Mumof1andacat · 15/10/2023 22:05

Shape wear and get a proper bra measure. Correct bra measurement and style of bra makes so much difference.

ChocolateCinderToffee · 15/10/2023 22:07

I think your sister should have kept quiet!

TheSquareMile · 15/10/2023 22:15

I don't think that you should worry about not being totally thrilled with the dress; focus on having a really great day instead.

You say that you have a large bust and I wonder whether it would be nice to go to a store which has really lovely bras and be fitted for a pretty one which you can wear for other occasions in the future.

While you are there, you could check out the make up counters and get help with some new make-up which will work well with the colour of the dress.

Some nice shoes, your new bra and pretty make-up, plus your favourite perfume - you're good to go and I think you will look lovely in the dress!

statetrooperstacey · 15/10/2023 22:18

Did you just pull it on over your period pants and grey bra with your crocs on and weetabix on one eyebrow ?Cos if you did it will look awful. Try it on again with a face full of make up, Spanx, a good bra and you hair up nicely il bet you feel a lot better. If not can you speak to other bridesmaid ? Swap selfies or something and just hope she looks worse in hers🤣

LeefsPrings · 15/10/2023 22:25

Whatwouldyoudo2021 · 15/10/2023 19:28

Thank you, it fits like a glove, but I think it’s more the colour, cut and style of dress.
it’s the colour and material aswell as the neckline,
My sister said I looked like morticia from the Addams family

The other bridesmaid is presumably in the same outfit, so you'll both look like Addams family cast members!

To be honest, after the guests have seen what you're wearing and gone "Ooh black bridesmaids' dresses, how different", they'll not give you another thought, as all eyes will be on the bride.

What is the bride wearing...?

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