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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bridesmaid dress

82 replies

Whatwouldyoudo2021 · 15/10/2023 19:24

Hi all,

I need some advice on how to handle a situation,
I am bridesmaid for a friend at the end of November and I’ve tried my dress on again today and it looks awful.
I’ve got a 12 month old baby and my body isn’t the same as what it used to be, the dress is black, full
length and high neck lined. I look truly awful in it, the bridesmaid are all wearing the same dress so it’s not like I can wear something else.
it almost looks like a Halloween fancy dress outfit,

would I be unreasonable to say to friend I can’t wear the dress, I’ll get another dress or I will relinquish my bridesmaid duties?

please help as I’m suffering so much anxiety about the whole situation.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
SacAMain · 15/10/2023 19:39

Morticia above, or this one.. how can a black dress be that bad. It's a black dress, and you wear black anyway.

Bridesmaid dress
Original poster
Whatwouldyoudo2021 · 15/10/2023 19:40

Think big, floaty, sparkly, all black right up to the neck and floor length,

OP posts:
cansu · 15/10/2023 19:41

It isn't about you though is it? The dress isn't to your taste. It is thoug presumably your friend's choice and her wedding. It would be very unreasonable to back out now just because you don't think you look nice.

excelledyourself · 15/10/2023 19:45

It fits you well and is a colour you already wear frequently.

I'm sure the bride wouldn't have you wear it if you looked awful. Why would she want that for her photos? And even if it does look a bit off, people will know it was her choice at the end of the day.

I would just go with it.

Mumaway · 15/10/2023 19:48

My sister was my bridesmaid. She chose her own dress and looked beautiful. She asked me to be her MOH with 2 other bridesmaids. The only request I made was 'not purple'. Cue a hideous purple chiffon monstrosity that made my ample bosom look ginormous. I think it was deliberate. She looked fabulous though, and it was her big day.
No-one is looking at you, or if they are it will be appreciative . They know you didn't choose the dress. Get someone else to be responsible for your little one and go hard on the bubbly, you won't care after the first couple.

SweetBabyJebus · 15/10/2023 19:48

Sounds kinda nice actually! Can you post a pic?

PrincessNoteSpelling · 15/10/2023 19:49

More this?

Bridesmaid dress
kopitiamgal · 15/10/2023 19:52

Who paid for the dress?
You know BM's dresses were traditionally supposed to be ugly. Although, usually worn by little children.
YANBU if you paid but if she paid it's her wedding, everyone will be looking at her not you so keep quiet and wear it with grace.

Coffeerum · 15/10/2023 19:53

I am more than happy to wear the dress, she’s my friend and I really don’t mind wearing it, I just look ridiculous.

Well which is it, are you more than happy to wear the dress or are you planning on telling
your friend you’re getting another dress or else stepping down as a bridesmaid?

“would I be unreasonable to say to friend I can’t wear the dress, I’ll get another dress or I will relinquish my bridesmaid duties?”

Anonymouslyposting · 15/10/2023 19:58

It’s your friends wedding, you’re a bridesmaid, you wear the dress she picks in almost all circumstances. The only things I can imagine refusing are if it had offensive writing on it or was transparent or something. If you really won’t wear it then you have to back out of being a bridesmaid but that’s just a bit silly - it’s only one day, suck it up.

Euridicefortuna · 15/10/2023 19:59

Morticia looks amazing .........

Smartiepants79 · 15/10/2023 20:00

Why would she buys dresses for other people to wear without trying them on or asking if they like them!! 🤯 I just find that so weird.
Sadly I suspect she’s not going to be very open to your opinion or comfort. You may just have to suck it up.
Another case of the aesthetics being more important than the people!

itsallnewnow · 15/10/2023 20:10

Whatwouldyoudo2021 · 15/10/2023 19:31

I think it’s more the fact it’s black, nigh necked with sleeves and full length,
it’s just a lot for my colouring and I normally always wear black, it just looks overwhelming when worn.
the dress its self like I say fits like a glove,
nothing wrong with the fit

Oh then no don't tell her!! It would be so rude. Basically saying "your style and taste is shit" right before her wedding. It's morning to do with you having a baby I misunderstood 🙈🙈

DappledThings · 15/10/2023 20:19

black, high necked with sleeves and full length
That does sound rather Morticia-like but will look so on all the bridesmaids so you won't stand out.

ToDamp0rNotToDamp · 15/10/2023 20:25

This is really tough, OP. Body confidence can change massively post baby and it’s awful feeling uncomfortable in an outfit.

I’d take a few pictures of you with the dress on from various angles / arrange to try the dress on in front of the bride and say to her… “I might be being silly here, but I don’t think this dress suits me at ALL… what do you think? Do you think it looks OK? I don’t want to look awful on your big day!”

Either the bride agrees the dress doesn’t work and you can decide what to do together, OR she says along the lines of “don’t be silly, you look great”. If it’s the latter, honestly, I’d just suck it up. I know it sucks and will make you feel a bit crappy, but for the special day of someone who I assume is a close friend, I’d let it slide and just ignore any subsequent wedding photos that get posted 😬

SquirrelFan · 15/10/2023 20:25

Really, don't tell her. It's her day, it's not about you.
Make sure your hair and make up are all that you would want, and try to have a good time wishing your friend the best in this new stage of her life.

Hyppogriff · 15/10/2023 20:26

Yep you sound unreasonable ! Just wear it and stop whinging !

Cosycover · 15/10/2023 20:29

Just show us the dress. It's hard to offer advice when we don't know what it looks like.

Furrydogmum · 15/10/2023 20:33

My breast fed baby was two months old at a close family members wedding. I was a bridesmaid, so they went for a two-piece to help with the breast feeding. It was hideous on everyone, but I looked a particularly (peculiarly) shapeless knackered twat! No one at the wedding really took any notice though.

Cakecakecheese · 15/10/2023 20:48

Once your make up is done you'll look less washed out surely?

LemonLight · 15/10/2023 20:49

Sounds like you just don't like the dress rather than there's an actual issue with it. In which case I think you should get some shapewear and suck it up. It's a little late in the day to be causing wedding drama for her just because you dont like the brides style.

Sconehenge · 15/10/2023 20:53

YABU, you really can’t back out of being a bridesmaid because you don’t like the dress, that’s horrible. Once you have hair and makeup and lovely earrings on, I’m sure the whole thing will come together. Make sure you’ve got great shape wear on underneath and you’re good to go!

TravellingT · 15/10/2023 20:53

I'm assuming you won't share it as it's outing, so share 2-3 similar dresses so we get 'the vibe' then we can advise with hair, makeup and accessories to make it suit you better!

You could try it with a full face of makeup on, then experiment with hair. If it's a high neck dress having your hair up and out of your face could balance it out.
Usually with bold dresses people say do lighter makeup to counteract it, but try with bold makeup!

romdowa · 15/10/2023 20:54

This is why I told my bridesmaid to get her own dress , as long as it wasn't something outrageous. She picked a lovely dress , she loved it , I loved it , she got it on sale and its something she can wear again.

Letsgetouttahere2023 · 15/10/2023 20:56

YABU it fits well. It's your friends wedding. It's one day. In the nicest possible way, it really not about you.. wear the dress :-)