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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Worried about nursery meal times

97 replies

Tizziey · 15/10/2023 17:09

DD has just turned 2, I have been lucky to take 2 years out with her but the role at my previous company has just become available again and I've been asked back under fantastic conditions so hard to refuse.
This will mean DD goes to nursery 2 full days and 2 half days every week. On the half days I will get her around 12 and on the full days she will be picked up between 5 and 6, probably closer to 6.

Right now we try to eat as a family as much as possible, even if DD is having a different variation (maybe less spicy or something). Most days DD doesn't eat until 6.15/6.30 this works well.
A normal home day food wise looks like
7ish Breakfast
10ish Morning Snack
12.30 Lunch
3/3.30 Afternoon Snack
6,15/6.30 Dinner
After dinner it is always straight up for bath and bed, asleep for 7.30/7.45

We have looked at 2 nurseries so far. They all seem to do lunch at 11.30 and "Tea" at 3.30/4, plus 2 snacks. Considering DD won't be there every day I'm really worried these times will mess with her routine. Why are they so early? Is this standard and something we will have to suck up? Really I don't want DD having tea at nursery as I'd rather she had proper dinner at home with us and I also don't really want her having lunch before I pick her up on half-days.
We will continue to look at other nurseries but I'm worried this will just be the norm?
Were your children's nurseries like this? Are we likely to find one which has more conventional mealtimes (London so plenty to look at)?
AIBU to be worried about the routine being messed up?

OP posts:
WorriedMillie · 15/10/2023 17:31

Echo the others, at my daughter’s nursery, “tea” was more of an afternoon snack. DD was always hungry after pick up, so it didn’t affect her eating at all

Isyesterdaytomorrowtoday · 15/10/2023 17:31

Tea at nursery is tiny, mine always still had a small portion of whatever we were having together

JC89 · 15/10/2023 17:32

This is similar to our nursery - it means they aren't starving if they get picked up at 6 then you still have to get home and make dinner! DS is still hungry for dinner, I just don't worry if he doesn't want to eat as much as he would on a non-nursery day. We normally have dinner ready between 6 and 6:30 so it's still 2 hours after tea...

Oysterbabe · 15/10/2023 17:34

Tea is usually pretty light. Mine still had dinner as normal at 6 when they got home.
You're overthinking it, she'll be fine.

silvertoil · 15/10/2023 17:34

I've never known what times they did meals - our routine stayed the same. I wouldn't overthink it tbh?

halfshutknife · 15/10/2023 17:34

I think you might find it works out fine.

I wouldn't want to pick mine up on a half day and rush home for lunch. It's great to collect them and just be able to go and do something or they might nap on the walk home but they are full so you can relax.

You'll also find they may still be hungry and welcome a smaller portion so you can all sit together.

We just did supper on nursery nights so they had either cereal or toast. It takes some pressure off having to think about meals when you're exhausted from being at work.

silvertoil · 15/10/2023 17:36

And agree with @Oysterbabe - nursery tea doesn't replace dinner

Kitkatfiend31 · 15/10/2023 17:36

My son still had dinner with us at home on nursery days. He didn't eat as much at nursery and we just treated the 3.30pm tea as a decent snack. They will all eat early as have to be finished /cleared away before pick ups start. Don't worry about it children adjust fine to differences between home and nursery etc.

Allywill · 15/10/2023 17:37

presumably your evening meal time will have to change anyway as if you are picking her up close to 6 you are not likely to be eating your dinner at 615. you will probably find once you get home and start cooking it would be nearer to 7 and at that point she maybe too tired to eat.

HarperMae · 15/10/2023 17:38

If you want to protect her routine you need to keep her home, or appreciate that routines change.

PopSocksRock · 15/10/2023 17:40

They will adapt, routines have to change sometimes.they will want to do what the other children are doing

Emeraldrings · 15/10/2023 17:44

I worked at one nursery where they had tea at 5:15 but you had to book tea in advance and it cost extra. My DDs went to a nursery that just did afternoon snack at 3, but no proper tea.
Everywhere else the timings have been similar to what you said.

Coffeerum · 15/10/2023 17:47

silvertoil · 15/10/2023 17:36

And agree with @Oysterbabe - nursery tea doesn't replace dinner

I think this is child dependent. I’ve never given my DD a full dinner after nursery and the vast majority of people I know are the same.

frenchfries111 · 15/10/2023 17:53

At the 2 different nurseries DD was at it was a glorified snack. The cook only worked from breakfast to lunch. So the 3.30pm feed might be something like crackers and cheese and rice pudding. But small portions.
DD would always have something else when she came in.
My childminder on the other hand would do an full meal late afternoon for children booked to have one.

GreenWheat · 15/10/2023 17:55

Totally normal for nurseries.
Your DD is old enough not to need such a strict "routine" - she's not a baby any more and will be able to cope with deviations. You can just give her a smaller portion to eat with you, but personally I loved not having to do dinner on nursery days!

YourNameGoesHere · 15/10/2023 17:56

Coffeerum · 15/10/2023 17:47

I think this is child dependent. I’ve never given my DD a full dinner after nursery and the vast majority of people I know are the same.

Show quote history

This really surprises me. DS has been to two nurseries and tea is basically what most would consider a snack.

I couldn't imagine putting DS to bed and expecting him to not wake up hungry when his tea was cheese and crackers or some crumpets.

waterrat · 15/10/2023 17:56

My one real recommendation for settling your child into childcare is relax

The parents i knew who tried to micromanage the childs day in childcare drove themselves nuts

Just hand her over dont think about it and then do what you want to do in your own time

Youll thank me for this tip believe me !

Hall84 · 15/10/2023 17:59

Tea isn't dinner, at most places it's something like pizza pinwheels/sandwich/soup/fish pate etc DD is 3.5 and has always eaten dinner with us after nursery. She started at 8 months.

Luxell934 · 15/10/2023 18:04

Those times are completely normal for day nurseries. Imagine trying to feed 60+ children all on their own personal feeding schedule.

Lunch is a hot meal, Tea would be a sandwich, bagel, cheese wheel, soup, etc so quite light and if your child is a good eater they will probably eat something at with you at 6pm.

SlightlygrumpyBettyswaitress · 15/10/2023 18:06

Dd3 had those timings. Tbh, she ate really well at nursery and rarely had anything at home bar the odd yoghurt or toast if she was hungry

Cyclingforcake · 15/10/2023 18:06

Our nursery was always very clear that 4pm tea was not meant to be their last meal of the day. Now a bit older mine go to a childminder who serves a proper tea at 4:45 but I still need to feed them again before bed.

YireosDodeAver · 15/10/2023 18:07

Don't overthink. A 2yo will eat when hungry and will not if they aren't but they may not eat much nursery food anyway. You may find that you pick up at 12 and she's perfectly happy to have a second lunch with you, or you may find that she's had so much busy fun all morning that she falls asleep on the way home and has no interest in lunch and you are happy and gratefulto know that she had a bit of nutrition before she fell asleep. I am certain that she will be fine to have a family dinner at 6:30 even if she had a nursery tea at 4:30.

In 5 years none of this will matter much anyway and there will be no effects good or bad from the timetable of her meals when she was 2-4 years old, so long as she is fed enough to grow strong and thrive, the routine does not make a great deal of difference.

YouveGotAFastCar · 15/10/2023 18:08

I don’t know anyone who doesn’t feed their toddler again at 6:30/7ish - nursery tea is tiny. Don’t worry about it, honestly.

Original poster
Tizziey · 15/10/2023 18:09

Allywill · 15/10/2023 17:37

presumably your evening meal time will have to change anyway as if you are picking her up close to 6 you are not likely to be eating your dinner at 615. you will probably find once you get home and start cooking it would be nearer to 7 and at that point she maybe too tired to eat.

Not really as the nights I will be home late (Monday and Friday) DH works from home. So will either get DD at 5 then bring her home and cook with her or cook for us both and I'll pick DD up on the way so dinner will be ready for me arriving home. I'll be half day Tuesday and Thursday so cook then, DH doesn't work on Wednesday so will cook again.

Maybe we will look at a childminder, as cooking and eating together is really important to me and DD already eats quite small portions (Tea at the nursery we liked better is usually a sandwich or pasta salad etc. we have been told) and wouldn't fancy much after tea at nursery.

Our routine is flexible to an extent, on Sundays we tend to go out for a roast around 2 and just have a supper in the evening.
We also tend to eat out a lot (including a Friday or two each month) so having the flexibility to still do that without DD not being hungry or interested in trying new foods is important to me.

OP posts:
TookTheBook · 15/10/2023 18:09

This is typical and my kids always had another tea with us a family at our usual time!