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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Gave Friend Baby Bundle Clothes - Just seen them for Sale on Facebook?

64 replies

TeaTeaCoffee · 15/10/2023 07:31

Small Rural seaside village, we have a community Facebook group for giving things away for free to Neighbours - when my DD started to grow out of her Baby clothes I would often put them on there in bundles for free. The same Mum would always comment first so I eventually would message her directly once I had a bundle to give away and give them to her automatically. Our DDs have now started Reception (School) together so I see her at Drop off / pick up every day, I wouldn't say we were Friends as such but we always exchange pleasantries.
Scrolling through Facebook this Morning and I see this lady has put a huge bundle of the Clothes I've given her for sale on Marketplace - I wouldn't ever say anything but feel a bit strange about it! AIBU?

OP posts:
user1494050295 · 15/10/2023 07:33

Don’t give her anything else. If asked why say you were passing the items on to be used and not resold.

Sparklesocks · 15/10/2023 07:33

I appreciate why you feel funny but they are now hers to do with what she likes, and that can be giving away/selling etc. Maybe she’s a bit skint and needs a bit of cash is why she didn’t give them away like you did.

TookTheBook · 15/10/2023 07:35

Your post title makes it sound like this was one day after giving it to her, but actually years later of course they are her clothes to do what she likes with. Would you rather they sat in an attic?

Original poster
TeaTeaCoffee · 15/10/2023 07:37

@TookTheBook The last Bundle I gave her were aged 3-4. I have been given her bundles for years now! And of course I wouldn't expect her to leave them in the attic, guess I wished she would pass them on for free too?

OP posts:
WildFlowerBees · 15/10/2023 07:38

They might be hers now but it feels a bit greedy to be selling something you were given. I know everyone's situation is different but my feeling is that if you've been given something when you no longer need it you pass it on in the same way you received it.

I'd not be giving her anything else op.

Kinneddar · 15/10/2023 07:39

YABU. I thought you were going to say you gave them to her last week. So you gave them to her years ago, she's used them as intended & is now probably just having a clear out. It probably wouldn't even occur to her to offer them back to you, if she even remembers thats where she got them

GRex · 15/10/2023 07:39

If she needs the money and wants to make the effort then that's fine. You'll have helped her twice; the clothes and the money. If you don't want someone to own something, then in future don't give it to them.

GalileoHumpkins · 15/10/2023 07:39

So she's selling outgrown baby clothes? She probably has no where to store them. I think it's silly to be bothered years after you gave them to her.

YouveGotAFastCar · 15/10/2023 07:40

Maybe she's not in the position to pass them on for free right now; and she's hoping that whatever she gets from Marketplace (which is unlikely to be riches, let's be honest!) will buy her DD new pants or something.

Or maybe she's just not that type of person.

Unfortunately, it's one of the downsides of giving things. They aren't yours anymore. I think you've done quite well that she's only selling them now if you've been giving her big bundles for a while; to be honest - that suggests she probably has given some away, as there will definitely have been things that weren't to her tastes, in all likelihood.

HarperMae · 15/10/2023 07:40

Shes done nothing wrong. You didn't need the money otherwise you'd have sold them, she may need the money. I dont see an issue. She has used them and now doesn't need them.

PenguinRainbows · 15/10/2023 07:41

YABU. You gave them away to her so she can do what she likes with them.

You could have sold them too, you just chose to give them away instead.

DNAwrangler · 15/10/2023 07:42

So she used them and is now getting rid of them herself? Rather than accepting them from you and putting them on Facebook later that day?

in that case she can somewhat she likes. You can’t dictate what someone does with their own stuff.

In the same way it’s up to you whether you
give her future clothes or not.

Theunamedcat · 15/10/2023 07:42

I always try to sell before I give away for free

Whinge · 15/10/2023 07:43

TeaTeaCoffee · 15/10/2023 07:37

@TookTheBook The last Bundle I gave her were aged 3-4. I have been given her bundles for years now! And of course I wouldn't expect her to leave them in the attic, guess I wished she would pass them on for free too?

But she's not selling the clothe you've just given her, she's selling the baby clothes she's had for years. While it was lovely of you to pass things on for free, it also benefitted you as it cleared out items you no longer wanted.

Wrongsideofpennines · 15/10/2023 07:45

In our local giving group there is a rule that things are not to be sold on. So there is lots of regifting going on. If she is still claiming things from the group you could report her to admins if you have a no selling on rule.

Otherwise you gave them to her, they're hers to do what she wants with.

Original poster
TeaTeaCoffee · 15/10/2023 07:47

Ok so overall opinion is I am being unreasonable by feeling a bit funny about it. It's not about money, I honestly don't want a penny otherwise I wouldn't have given so much away for free! I was just surprised that's all, I know they're not struggling financially from chats at the School gate about Mortgages/ Holidays etc.. but I may just give my next bundle elsewhere Blush

OP posts:
Gifgirl · 15/10/2023 07:50

You're not in Ilfracombe, are you? I know one like that...

Totalwasteofpaper · 15/10/2023 07:50

I can see where you are coming from in theory but I have a friend with a DD exactly one year young than mine.

I asked if she wanted her clothes once she'd grown out of them and give them to her regularly. I sell on the really good stuff (Boden etc.) and keep unisex stuff. I don't have the time to be messing around selling it all so the way I see it she's helping me as I value space.

If she resells them I don't begrudge it as I'd rather she made a few £££ than they go to a charity shop and I know they are worse off than us. It's slightly diff as she's a friend but even if it's a stranger I am not sure I'd care either way as I just want ot put of the house.

I think its fine to give the clothes to someone else next time though.

PenguinRainbows · 15/10/2023 07:50

but I may just give my next bundle elsewhere

They'll probably just sell it on too. Most people do.

Tourmalines · 15/10/2023 07:52

How about you start selling them yourself now ?

happylittlesloth · 15/10/2023 07:52

Sorry but as long as her child has grown out of them it's fine. She probably can't keep track of where everything has come from so is just selling whatever is in decent condition.

Unithorn · 15/10/2023 07:53

I used to give a lot away for free- not just clothes but a next to me cot, toddler bed, highchair, travel system etc and most would be up for sale a few days later rather than being used- even if used it'd be nice if people passed them on but they can do as they please. I just sell or donate to one of the charity shops/women's refuge now.

rocknrollaa · 15/10/2023 07:54

Has she had some use out of them OP?

i.e. has her daughter worn them and grown out of them?

Or has she just taken them off you for free and put them straight for sale?

The former is fine - if her daughter has worn them and now outgrown then she can do what she wants with them, it's fine if she sells them rather than giving them away. She doesn't have to do the same as you.

The latter would be really rude and taking advantage of your nice gesture of giving them away for free in good faith.

Original poster
TeaTeaCoffee · 15/10/2023 07:54

@Totalwasteofpaper Maybe that's where I've gone wrong! I've never sold anything on, even the good bits! After her continuously commenting on my freebie posts it just became a little routine between us - I would even drop them to her house because she doesn't drive! There's a few children's charities and church groups around here that are always reaching out for Children's clothes, guess I hoped they would go into to somewhere like that. But everybody is absolutely right, once I've given something away anyone is free to do what they like with the clothes!

OP posts:
TeaAndStrumpets · 15/10/2023 07:56

Of course they were hers to sell by this point, but I would guess that you had assumed she would, in her turn, pass them on for free. You were giving her first dibs on everything and presumably the clothes were quite nice if they were good enough to resell. She had a good thing going there! Also, I wouldn't assume (as some PP) that she was skint. Plenty of people are just good at turning a profit.

I wouldn't worry too much - after all, you wanted them gone. But if you feel you have been slightly taken advantage of I would donate to Oxfam or Salvation Army in future. You can send parcels post free to Oxfam via Yodel, if you want a quick de clutter.