Gave Friend Baby Bundle Clothes - Just seen them for Sale on Facebook?

[TeaTeaCoffee]

Small Rural seaside village, we have a community Facebook group for giving things away for free to Neighbours - when my DD started to grow out of her Baby clothes I would often put them on there in bundles for free. The same Mum would always comment first so I eventually would message her directly once I had a bundle to give away and give them to her automatically. Our DDs have now started Reception (School) together so I see her at Drop off / pick up every day, I wouldn't say we were Friends as such but we always exchange pleasantries.
Scrolling through Facebook this Morning and I see this lady has put a huge bundle of the Clothes I've given her for sale on Marketplace - I wouldn't ever say anything but feel a bit strange about it! AIBU?

After a few years I wouldn't know which clothes were gifted, given or purchased to be honest .

She is getting rid of all baby clothes I assume, not specifically the ones you gave her.

The bigger question is, did her child wear any of them, or is she just taking them for selling ?,
i had a friend (well a mum up the road who I became friendly with ), she use todo that all the time, I discovered years later that she had been trying to make a business out of it, my hubby called her mrs steptoe (that’s an old one 😂) she didn’t need the money they were comfortable, but she would comment on my children’s clothes (I had a very generous mum)
I stopped giving them to her when I found out, I wanted to help someone in need who would get pleasure out of dressing their children in nice things not use it as a way to fleece others.

Technically they're hers to sell now, but I've always thought it was right to pay it forward if someone has kindly given me things for DC for free.

It seems a bit wrong to me to take things for free and then flog them.

usually I’m against selling gifts, but in this context I think it’s fine to be honest. If she needs the money and has used the clothes, Ie not just selling them immediately then I think it’s fine.

I can totally understand why you feel a bit funny about it. Yes technically they are hers now to do with as she wishes but it does seem a bit questionable to profit from items that were gifted to you in a generous spirit. Not worth upsetting yourself over though. I would gift elsewhere in future without making a big deal of it.

I wouldn’t, I think you’re trying to give them to someone who needs them. You can’t put some form of constraint on it saying you can have them and after you’ve used them please don’t sell, no matter how much you need the money or you can’t have them.

There is a charity called Give your Best and you can donate clothes to them. It is for refugees to use. There are volunteers who can accept the clothes if you don’t want to do it.

People have different standards about this, I guess. I only ever sold on baby clothes I bought myself, otherwise I gave them away. Other people will see it as being their property now, so why not sell if they could use the money?

I'd be a bit annoyed if I saw someone selling clothes I gave them, unless I knew they really needed the money, which I'd totally understand . But I'd never say anything.

I really dislike people who give with conditions attached. If you want to give something, you need to let it go. If you still have a sense of ownership, then hold onto it. Else it's just confusing.

Exactly, you can’t say that. So if it made you feel funny, then gift elsewhere.

@Bimblebore At no point have I said there were conditions attached, but feel free to 'really dislike' Me as much as you like. I've merely opened a conversation to seek others point of view about the situation and taken all comments gratefully on board.

I think it’s showing CF behaviour personally! Next lot I would advertise as a bundle on FBMP, if she messages I’d say oh I thought I’d give them away to someone who needs them as noticed you’d sold the last lot smiley face

Regardless of if they are her's now, she was given them by op because op thought she needed them for her own children which is not the case

How would you feel if you gifted a car you no longer used to a niece or nephew who'd just passed there test and it was put up for sale next week?

Regardless of if they are her's now, she was given them by op because op thought she needed them for her own children which is not the case

She did need them. The children are 4 /5 years old and the friend is selling baby clothes. She's had them for years and is selling clothes that have been outgrown.

YANBU to feel a bit funny about it. But you don't know her situation I assume? She could be really struggling and desperate for the money or something. I'd let it go but perhaps re think how you give her things. Either by not giving them to her int he future or giving clearly on the condition she passes on for free.

Also we have a similar local fb group. But it is well admined. Its clear from the group rules that anything received for free through the group must not be sold on unless explicit pernission for this is given (people giving away car boot bundles and stuff). A couple of people have been caught selling stuff on and banned from the group.

I agree it's nice if you can to "pay it forward". I've been guilty of selling clothes gifted to me - it was a pain to go through it all. However I do donate different items like kids toys and stuff for the baby centre so I see that as paying forward just a different item.

I agree.

I sell stuff on FB all the time. Giving stuff takes as much energy as selling it so why not make a few quid towards the next thing you need to buy. Unless you don't need the money in which case why should you care what someone else does with things you gave away. It's your choice to sell or give away. If you're talking about years later it's highly likely this woman doesn't even remember where she got them from. I don't remember where all my kids' stuff comes from. At the point of getting rid of it I decide if it's worth selling or not. Where it came from is irrelevant. It's mine. YABVVU

Selling stuff can be better than giving it away. Selling has the environmental benefit that the item is much more likely to go somewhere where it is wanted and valued, and may be less likely to be thrown away (which is easier to do when you have acquired massive amounts of free stuff often en masse). I would re frame this as:

• Selling on is much better than simply throwing the items away when she doesn't want them, and probably better than other easier options eg bulk donation to a charity shop where many of the clothes may end up in landfill

• Proof that she has used and does value the items you have given her (keeping them an appropriate amount of time and in a good enough condition to be resold)

• Something that you simply didn't have time for and so you passed the clothing onto her - benefits for you both (she gets the clothes and the subsequent money, you have had an easy clear out whilst remaining environmentally friendly

I think if she was selling them on immediately after receiving them that would be a cheek unless she told you that was her intention (I do see this as a legitimate and environmentally friendly small business model however it should be transparent).

However, she has used and cared for the items and they are now hers.

That said I get the point that carefully re-advertising on the giveaway group fits the ethos of the group where she got the items from (it's about everyone sharing, not just taking). If then the items weren't wanted there, I'd suggest selling was the next best option. If you've always just given items to her though, you have sort of bypassed the group so that may not apply.

I'm in a few of these groups and it's normal to pass things you receive for free on to another person in the group when you're done. Sorry but I do think she's a total cheapskate to be taking so much and giving nothing back, that's really not in the spirit of these groups.

Different if she's really struggling but unlikely as you say if she's chatting to you about her holidays. Don't give her any more free stuff OP.

I would feel a bit funny about it too. You’ve passed it forward and you’d hope she’d do the same.

I would be so annoyed if someone did this. Do not give her any more clothes. If she asks for some more bundles, just say there will be a (big) charge. It’s the whole gesture of you being generous to pass on, what is probably quite a lot of moneys worth, for free and then she makes money out of it.

This is why morales are declining!!

I have been given a lot over the years and it is hard to keep track. Therefore when I pass on clothes I make sure I say 'these are yours now, feel free to donate if you don't like them, or pass them/sell them on when you are done. Hope you get something for them.'

Your kids are the same age?

So common sense says likely the same size at this point (its not like giving her 0-3 clothes because you have an 8 month old... they will both be in 4-5 now so when your kids out grown them so will hers). Unless your child is massive and in age 5-6 and hers is tiny and still in 3-4 or something then your hand-me-downs are no longer useful.

If she has needed freebies all this time I assume she struggles with money, maybe she needs that £5 from that baby clothes ad to buy her kids next outfit since she no longer has free stuff she previously relied on coming in.

Ah yes those damn poor people... SELLING items that are no use instead of giving them away or trashing them.

How dare they be so poor as to not have what you deem morals. Imagine NEEDING money instead of just having it.

Its pretty obvious who lack morals (as well as common sense and empathy) here.