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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I a bad neighbour? :/

285 replies

GM99 · 14/10/2023 22:51

I have recently bought a top floor flat in a victorian conversion in London. When I moved in, the previous owners left me a lovely note with really useful information including that the original floorboards were still in tact if I wanted to rip the carpet up. There was carpet in the hallway, on the stairs, on the landing and in the study. The carpet was pretty gross so I made the decision to have the floorboards reclaimed and someone came to rip out the carpets.

In the meantime, I met the neighbours downstairs - a couple in their 30s, no kids, he works from home full time and she works in an office full time. I've only had conversations with him. He's taken a couple of parcels in for me while I have been at work. He came across fairly relaxed and relatively friendly but I noticed he kept asking questions about what I was planning to do with the flat...which I did find a bit annoying because I got the feeling he was only talking to me to see, basically, how annoying a neighbour I was going to be rather than genuinely being friendly. He told me that the previous owners were a couple with a son with learning difficulties and the son used to bang and stamp really loudly on the floor which they found very difficult so they liaised with the neighbours who agreed to get carpet and some kind of soundproofing. I only found this out after getting the carpets ripped out. I asked him if I was noisy and he was like 'oh no no, everything is fine'. I said I didn't want anyone to feel uncomfortable and that he should let me know if there were any issues.

Anyway, this morning I got a text message from him and his partner asking me to come round for drinks to discuss the flooring as they said they had noticed that it was much more noisy since I ripped the carpet out. I've agreed to go over but I'm not sure how I feel about the whole situation.

Firstly, I'm single, in my late 30s and live by myself and live a quiet lifestyle. I'm not running around having a rave every night so even though I understand they can probably hear me when I'm walking around, is it unreasonable of them to start interfering in how I decide to go my flat up - ie getting the floorboards reclaimed? What is a reasonable amount of noise for them to deal with? Given the nature of the flats and how they have been built, it's highly doubtful that all noise can be eliminated. I'm concerned they are going to try and persuade me into getting soundproofing which I can't afford. I work from home 2-3 days a week. I can understand it may have been a bit noisy recently as I have just moved in and have been getting people over to provide quotes on flooring, painting and decorating etc.

Any thoughts/opinions would be greatly appreciated :)

OP posts:
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5
Moo2019 · 15/10/2023 10:07

@MadeOfAllWork i don’t think it’s about people being horribly selfish and just not caring about their neighbours, but if you have rugs and don’t wear shoes and don’t jump around upstairs all day, you’re not doing anything wrong? To carpet an entire property is really expensive and no one should have to do that because of the preferences of someone else. I really think people need to put more thought into buying flats.

OnLockdown · 15/10/2023 10:07

When you go to their flat leave your tv on and see if you can hear it downstairs. Perhaps even get one of the couple to have a walk around/turn on a tap etc in your flat while you are downstairs to see how much the sound actually travels.

Go from there when deciding what to do.

decionsdecisions62 · 15/10/2023 10:13

The previous owners have put you up to this. Suckered!

zurala · 15/10/2023 10:16

Wood floors are really antisocial unfortunately. I'm in a terrace and my neighbour took the carpet off her stairs and it's so loud every time one of then goes up or down, it's like elephants thundering about. I can't imagine how it would sound us she were above me rather than next door.

You need to use rugs OP, it's probably pretty unbearable for them even if you think you are quiet.

Unicorntastic · 15/10/2023 10:29

I can feel the downstairs neighbours stress! You have no idea how it can drive you to the edge to have noisy neighbours OP.

Ginmonkeyagain · 15/10/2023 10:39

Conversion flats are notorious for noise, which is why I wouldn't buy one.

I live in a purpose built block and we have concrete floors so a lot less noisy than floor boards. The living rooms have wooden parquet flooring. Our leases do specify the hallway and bedrooms have to be carpeted but not everyone sticks to it. I do because I prefer a carpeted bedroom.

Acoustic underlay does not cost a huge amount - we had it added under our hall carpet and it was an extra £5 per sq m.

LaurieStrode · 15/10/2023 10:40

Suggest they get a white noise machine.

SoEffingGrumpy · 15/10/2023 10:45

Suggest they get a white noise machine.

You seriously expect other people to live with constant white noise, rather than the person causing disruption to make adjustments so they stop disturbing others? Hmm

EmmaEmerald · 15/10/2023 10:58

LaurieStrode · 15/10/2023 10:40

Suggest they get a white noise machine.

Omg, white noise is hell.

nibblessquibbles · 15/10/2023 11:17

Honestly to all the posters saying the downstairs neighbours are being unreasonable. The OP asked them to let her know if there was any issues, they have invited her round to discuss it and I think it's absolutely reasonable how they are approaching it.
Anyone who lives in a conversion understands understands that you have to be considerate as you are now living in separate households in a building that was never designed for this! Purpose built flats are absolutely not the same.
OP you are being considerate and as I suggested find out if there's a particular room that's bothering them. It may not be all the rooms that are the problem.

askmenow · 15/10/2023 11:20

good96 · 15/10/2023 01:06

It’s your flat, if they don’t like it then you can signpost them to the nearest estate agents….
The cheek of some people! I mean I could understand if you were have flat parties every weekend but you’re not….
I hate nosey Norris’ and Normas like this!

You'd be a shite neighbour, lacking consideration for others living around you!!

They've invited her for wine and a chat.

Go OP, with an open mind and discuss. You never know when you might need those neighbours and to have one WFH is just so useful for holding keys etc.

We live in an apartment and would certainly advise any stairs, hallways and landing be carpeted as thats where the footfall resonated most.

Maddy70 · 15/10/2023 11:26

I would at the very least get some large quality rugs so you can see the edges of the floor but basically cover it

zingally · 15/10/2023 11:32

Frankly, if you live in a flat, you need to very quickly get used to a bit of noise.

But I also agree with other posters, carpets if you live above someone else is the most neighbourly thing to do.

noname846 · 15/10/2023 11:38

MadeOfAllWork · 15/10/2023 09:55

It’s a very interesting split on this thread.

It’s either ‘I’ll do what I like and the people below me should suck it up’.
or ‘no one in an upstairs Victorian flat has hard floors.’

Also, purpose built blocks, tenements and flats in Mexico are not comparable.

And how many threads have we had on here where a neighbour has been making noise which has travelled and the advice has been to invite them around to hear what it’s like? As for it being a 2 against 1 situation, what are they meant to do? They are a couple, should one go out?

I suspect it's broadly a split between those who have lived in a similar conversion and those that haven't!

I have, and I'm with the neighbour on this - it's pretty inconsiderate to have wooden floors in an upper floor flat unless you get proper soundproofing. I've seen what's between the floors when I had work done to my flat: just the ceiling, joists and the floor above. It's not surprising noise travels so easily.

Antst · 15/10/2023 11:47

GM99 · 15/10/2023 08:47

This is really unfair and absolute rubbish. I'm not playing any card thank you very much.

Show quote history

You have bare floorboards in an upper-level apartment. Just restating that since you continue to avoid the issue. You know what you're doing and you're choosing to do it anyway. Bet we'll see another post in a few months time about how your neighbours are doing X, Y, Z to annoy you.

FannyBawz · 15/10/2023 11:49

Wooden floors are selfish in a flat.

Antst · 15/10/2023 11:49

Moo2019 · 15/10/2023 08:26

@Antst you're clearly projecting here. In my experience I have carpets in the bedrooms and a rug that’s basically the entire size of the living room. The only area that is bare is the hallway so yes, they may hear me move from the living room the loo or the kitchen. I also work in an office so am not around in the day, don’t have people over (my flat is small and not central so I tend to go out) and have never done anything reasonable. On the other hand, they regularly have loud work done and parties. Recently they changed all their internal doors and blocked our communal exit and entrance for two days with workmen and tools. It was such a hazard. There was no notice and no respect for neighbours. Don’t just assume that everyone who gets complaints has deserved it. Some people are just nightmare neighbours.

No idea what your point is. Can people on lower-level floors be unreasonable? It's not news to me that they can be!

It is an obnoxious choice to have bare floors when there are people in residences below. This is a basic part of living in an apartment building. Like the OP, you're clearly another one who is looking around for irrelevancies to throw around in order to avoid dealing with what you're doing.

Antst · 15/10/2023 11:55

Moo2019 · 15/10/2023 10:07

@MadeOfAllWork i don’t think it’s about people being horribly selfish and just not caring about their neighbours, but if you have rugs and don’t wear shoes and don’t jump around upstairs all day, you’re not doing anything wrong? To carpet an entire property is really expensive and no one should have to do that because of the preferences of someone else. I really think people need to put more thought into buying flats.

If you can't afford to cover the floors so that the neighbours below are living in tolerable conditions, you can't afford the flat. Anyway, cheap rugs can be bought for only a few pounds.

It is a basic that you shouldn't walk around in hard shoes on a bare floor in an upper-level apartment. If you choose to do it anyway, expect to have problems.

Moo2019 · 15/10/2023 11:55

@Antst youre so angry it’s bizarre. The OP is literally asking for advice and has clearly said in the comments that they’ll consider carpet, rugs and other things. They are clearly being a considerate neighbour and want to resolve this. You are the one being incredibly rude and obnoxious. If you’re this angry about a Mumsnet thread on a nice sunny Sunday, you might want to reassess something about your life!

AgaMM · 15/10/2023 11:57

zingally · 15/10/2023 11:32

Frankly, if you live in a flat, you need to very quickly get used to a bit of noise.

But I also agree with other posters, carpets if you live above someone else is the most neighbourly thing to do.

Usually, yes. But conversion flats are the worst for noise. Unless you’ve lived in one with no soundproofing, it’s hard to explain how intense the noise is. It’s not just a bit of noise, but it’s like constant banging in your head. You hear absolutely everything they do.

I went crazy living in one and became a completely irrational person because I never had any peace or quiet. Purpose built flats are very different as they are built with the intention of having people living on top of each other, so tend to have concrete floors between each floor, but in a conversion, all you have are floorboards.

Original poster
GM99 · 15/10/2023 12:00

Antst · 15/10/2023 11:47

You have bare floorboards in an upper-level apartment. Just restating that since you continue to avoid the issue. You know what you're doing and you're choosing to do it anyway. Bet we'll see another post in a few months time about how your neighbours are doing X, Y, Z to annoy you.

Show quote history

Not avoiding anything...in fact I'm doing the opposite by having a conversation with them?

OP posts:
Original poster
GM99 · 15/10/2023 12:02

Moo2019 · 15/10/2023 11:55

@Antst youre so angry it’s bizarre. The OP is literally asking for advice and has clearly said in the comments that they’ll consider carpet, rugs and other things. They are clearly being a considerate neighbour and want to resolve this. You are the one being incredibly rude and obnoxious. If you’re this angry about a Mumsnet thread on a nice sunny Sunday, you might want to reassess something about your life!

Thanks Moo! x

OP posts:
DBinHK · 15/10/2023 13:58

GM99 · 15/10/2023 01:09

😂

Show quote history

The fact that you thought this post was hilarious is a bit concerning, OP.

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 15/10/2023 14:00

nottaotter · 15/10/2023 08:09

@VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia Sorry to sound snooty, but carpet tiles are hideous! Im amazed they are even sold anymore, I have only seen them in Council offices etc. If someone stuck them down in a Victorian building I would assume the person had lost the plot.

See, I think that fitted carpets, especially in wool, are insane. Spill some coffee and you are screwed, whereas I just blot up the worst with a towel and then lift the affected tiles to clean them under the shower. Wool carpets are the worst because they get eaten by beetles and moth larvae.

This 📷 is just after I laid the bedroom tiles. Offices might use Forbo Teviot, but not in Buttercup.

Am I a bad neighbour? :/
OCDmama · 15/10/2023 14:02

They bought a ground floor Victorian conversion. WTF were they expecting???

Carry on as you are OP.