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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Catering for a vegetarian?!

516 replies

Magenta3 · 14/10/2023 13:01

My brother's gf is a vegetarian. We're having everyone over next weekend for a get together. My family eats a lot of meat and I feel a bit unsure of what to cook her, and if I'm being honest I don't see why we should change our catering for one person.

I asked my brother to bring along some of their own food for her (he eats meat so will be fine, it's literally only for her) and he seemed annoyed at me. He obliged but I could tell he wasn't happy. When we've been to theirs she doesn't cook meat for us so it feels one sided. She jokes she'd probably poison us as she doesn't know how to cook meat but realistically she doesn't want to cook it, so why should we for her?

OP posts:
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5
Honestlyy · 17/10/2023 07:30

I am surprised that the voting is so one way.
Just to be clear I would cater and have in the past catered for non meat eaters but the OP is correct. They just cook vegetarian cuisine and don't give it a second thought. Eating vegetarian is a preference, same as eating meat.

Mugaloaf · 17/10/2023 07:32

😳

LittleMG · 17/10/2023 07:50

You’re not making her welcome you’re being very rude

phoenixrosehere · 17/10/2023 09:20

Honestlyy · 17/10/2023 07:30

I am surprised that the voting is so one way.
Just to be clear I would cater and have in the past catered for non meat eaters but the OP is correct. They just cook vegetarian cuisine and don't give it a second thought. Eating vegetarian is a preference, same as eating meat.

Her brother doesn’t though and from her saying “theirs”, her brother and his gf live together so he can easily cook meat when they host yet OP is hung up on his gf not doing so so she doesn’t want to make a meal without meat even though she already is with the sides if she is still choosing to make a curry:

Eating vegetarian is a preference, same as eating meat.

There are people that are allergic to meat and someone who hasn’t had meat for a long enough time can get sick from doing so. Rarely hear of someone getting sick from going without vegetables for a long period of time (an allergy to a specific vegetable being an exception).

EarthMamaLee · 17/10/2023 09:21

You’ve just given me some dinner inspo for tonight, thanks haha

Kyliemichelletaylor · 17/10/2023 09:51

Definitely unreasonable - grab a block of halloumi and fry it and give her that instead of the meat with veg. Or cook a big pasta - you don’t need meat but if you must have it slice some sausages on the side and add it to everyone’s plates.

StaunchMomma · 17/10/2023 10:53

Christ, it wasn't hard to cater for a vegetarian 20 years ago and the shops are full of products now!

It's hardly a chore, or a cheek!! At the very least, chuck her some pasta with tomato sauce and cheese, ffs!

I dread to think how you'd react to a coeliac visit!! 🙄

StaunchMomma · 17/10/2023 10:55

Honestlyy · 17/10/2023 07:30

I am surprised that the voting is so one way.
Just to be clear I would cater and have in the past catered for non meat eaters but the OP is correct. They just cook vegetarian cuisine and don't give it a second thought. Eating vegetarian is a preference, same as eating meat.

Vegetarianism that includes, for many, the will to not want to financially contribute to a meat industry they are directly opposed to.

Moralistically, the GF is opposed to buying meat. I doubt very much OP will feel guilty for buying feckin carrots!

ShagratandGorbag4ever · 17/10/2023 11:17

Just cancel the invitation, since you obviously don't want her there.

Pugdays · 17/10/2023 11:18

So you have invited someone over for a meal ,who you don't really want there .

AGovernmentOfLawsAndNotMen · 17/10/2023 11:21

Honestlyy · 17/10/2023 07:30

I am surprised that the voting is so one way.
Just to be clear I would cater and have in the past catered for non meat eaters but the OP is correct. They just cook vegetarian cuisine and don't give it a second thought. Eating vegetarian is a preference, same as eating meat.

They cook vegetarian cuisine because eating animals is morally abhorrent to them.
( Granted some are vegetarian for health reasons )

Marmunia10667 · 17/10/2023 13:00

How rude. I always offer to bring a meat substitute for my family, but I have found friends go above and beyond to cater for us.

GuitarGeorge · 17/10/2023 13:04

This is 99p on kindle today

Fresh India (vegetarian). Some delicious recipes. I just bought it on a whim.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B01AU5V8QE/ref=ppxyo_dt_b_d_asin_title_o00?ie=UTF8&psc=1

NMOB · 17/10/2023 13:06

As a vegetarian in a meat eating family, I am always kindly catered for.
I can’t imagine how uncomfortable I’d be feeling if I was invited to dinner & told to bring my own food ??
The suggestions of a shop bought veggie pie/burger/sausages ( very cheap in the freezer sections of all supermarkets - so saving you some ££ on meat ) served with the same veg & carbs as you are having would be a much nicer thing to do.
You clearly don’t like this woman or else you would have the decency to go to a teeny bit of effort to make her welcome.

G5000 · 17/10/2023 13:32

Eating vegetarian is a preference, same as eating meat.

Even if someone is vegetarian due to simple preference and not due to moral/animal welfare reasons, it's still rude to serve them this one thing that they prefer not to eat. If you have a friend who eats everything but onions, would you not be able to find a dish that does not contain onions? Or do you always say that I cook what I cook and all guests who don't eat it should bring their own food?

Magicmama92 · 17/10/2023 14:24

How hard is it to make a salad with some pasta or get a cheese pizza.
Basically you can't be arsed to and it's horrible of you. I always ask about any allergies and likes and dislikes so I can cater for all. Otherwise what's the point of being a host?

ChickenT2b · 17/10/2023 16:52

Wouldn’t dream of asking a veggie to bring their own food. We are having a Halloween party soon, with 40 people, 1 vegan. I am catering for the vegan. It’s not that hard and pretty poor not to 😕

Appleofmyeye2023 · 17/10/2023 18:13

YABU…I’ve just been eating my left over Aubergine Parmigiana from yesterday that I made for dinner for a visitor who came over.
Neither of us are vegetarians , but like a lot of people now we can cope, and do try, to have a vegetarian dish once per week. It’s potentially healthy (well I maybe put a lot of mozzarella on the parmigiana 😉) and you really don’t miss the meat unless someone makes a fuss. All sorts of veg recipes out there form garlic mushroom pasta, roasted veg pasta, cauliflower or Mac cheese, quiches or tarts (did a lovely leek thyme, and goat cheese one recently) etc. loads of things. for a one of visit every now and then, it’s not a bother unless you try to cook two seperate meals. Don’t try. Go for one vegetarian meal for everyone and ring the changes.

now vegan is pushing it mind. I have a relative who is vegan. It is a pain as I have to also keep form cross contamination (she genuinely has allergies and intolerances - loves fish and cheese but can’t eat without being ill now) and I have only one oven and 3 rings on hob currently. The lack of any dairy is a real challenge and frankly not great. I really object to buying her meat substitutes to do an individual version just for her- the absolute crap high processed ingredients in them would make me ill 🤢. So, I struggle through now just doing our main and substituting out the meat or fish with a single special vegetable just for her. Then all share veggie sides. But, bloody hell, that is a challenge. I’m st8ll mastering puds/cake with vegan recipes that don’t turn out like bread pudding stodgy 🤷🏼‍♀️🤣. there agian, she’s my guest and I want her to feel welcome, included and loved so I would never complain to her.

Doolittle13 · 17/10/2023 18:28

If you can't make macaroni cheese, a baked potato with cheese and coleslaw etc are you a proper adult?! Ffs i am no chef but even im not so stupid i can't make basic vegetarian food. Even something as simple as a bloody cheese pizza!

Maybe all the meat you eat has addled your brain somewhat 🤣🤣

Kindling1970 · 17/10/2023 18:37

I’m obsessed with this recipe! I make it at least once a week. Absolutely delicious although I do have to tone the spice down. The yoghurt that goes with it is amazing and really easy to make too.

Thisisnotlikehim · 17/10/2023 18:47

Have I just stepped back in time to the 1980’s. Arrgggh! Nooooo!

As a vegetarian that would make me feel very unwelcome. Luckily I’ve mostly been surrounded by respectful, kind and thoughtful people that have sought to cater for me well.

I have vegan friends who don’t eat gluten or sugar. I do my very best to cater well for them. I want them to feel welcome. I’ve even cooked meat sausages for a very fussy FIL yuk!

CrapGoat · 17/10/2023 18:48

@Appleofmyeye2023 I had the same problem with vegan desserts turning out quite 'thick' or soggy/stodgy but this recipe changed things up-obviously you don't have to do it as a birthday cake-I've used it to make traybakes, 'normal' everyday cakes, and buns too https://www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/vegan-birthday-cake

Vegan birthday cake recipe | BBC Good Food

This decadent plant-based chocolate cake is guaranteed to bring joy to any birthday party. Everyone will love the dairy-free buttercream & sprinkles.

https://www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/vegan-birthday-cake

Saz91x · 17/10/2023 18:50

You sound an absolute delight!!!!
Sounds more like you just don’t like the girlfriend or vegetarians. Vegetarian meals are super easy, fast and most normal meals can easily be altered to make a vegetarian version.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 17/10/2023 18:53

slice aubergine, dip in egg then bread crumbs and bake til soft and golden. Put slices of black olives, a dollop of tomato pasta sauce and a slice of mozza on top then broil to melt cheese.

sauté cherry tomatoes and slices of zucchini in evoo with minced garlic, add cooked spaghetti and spinach. Toss in pan until spinach wilted. Grate pecorino over top.

Greek salad with homemade garlic bread croutons to make it extra. Add garbanzo beans and generous squeeze fresh lemon.

favourite chilled white wine

dessert: berries and whipped cream with store bought angel food cake

Done. 😊
I'm omnivore, but do vegan/veg regularly and always have. It's easy.

greeneyessparksfly · 17/10/2023 19:10

YABU and a bit mean. As a veggie I’ve made the “I’ll probably poison you” joke before… it has absolutely nothing to do with not wanting to cook meat for me, I couldn’t care less if people eat meat around me…it’s more about my lack of self confidence in producing a meat dish that I don’t f-up that’s still going to taste nice for everyone. It Sounds like the gf is similar if she’s with someone who eats meat..she probably isn’t that against others eating it, esp if her bf cooks it around her...Maybe think a bit more before being so judgemental.