To do all the cooking?

[BobbleHatBrigade]

Briefly, I work part-time.

My DH expects me to do all the housework and cooking, which is fair enough, but just occasionally I would love a meal cooked for me!
Last night he said the meals were getting a bit 'samey'. I'm no Delia Smith, but I try my very best. I cook everything from scratch and regularly batch cook. This escalated into a huge argument as I said maybe HE could try cooking occasionally- it's not solely my job. (Every other friends husband I know cooks too). He's more than capable. He even asked for cook books for Christmas just before we had our new kitchen installed, so I was looking forward to him making something occasionally, but 18 months in - nothing. Is it unreasonable of me?

I make from scratch, curries, lasagne, cottage pie, chilli, Daals, bolognaise, Risottos, Spanish Rice, Pies etc. I try to keep it varied, but it's every day and occasionally I wish he would muck in and make something too :-( I even batch cooked meals to take every day for a UK holiday recently.

I'd just like a break from it now and again, but its always met with the same argument that he works full time and I don't.

I don't know who is right or wrong here, so I just wondered what others thought?

I'm part-time because financially we could afford it and by me doing the housework and food shops and helping my elderly Mum it just gave us more weekend time to enjoy without endless jobs really.
I'm happy to do the housework and majority of cooking - but it would be nice to have the odd day, when I'm tired or don't feel well, that my DH mucked in and cooked. If I don't cook he will just buy processed crap and stick it in the oven though, which is unhealthy and costly.
I said if there's a particular dish he'd like to try making ill happily pick up the ingredients during the day - but nothing ever happens and I'm just tired of meal planning!

No kids

part time (what kind of part time are we talking? 4 days a week or 9 hours a week?)

either way - you really shouldn’t be spending half your life cooking! Sounds like a very convoluted way of cooking

I do think it's fair enough that you do the majority of the cooking as you don't have any children to care for but that doesn't mean he gets to moan about what you do cook.

Tell him to cook his own meals if he's so unhappy with what you provide. Working full-time isn't a get-out clause.

To be honest I’m at home and I cook mostly, my DH is just too busy with other stuff. However he always does porridge in the morning and he often cook something quick for himself during the day e.g pasta and use leftovers of sauce or scrambled eggs and beans. And he never complains and does washing.

This week I worked every morning. I came home, washed dishes, changed bedding, hoovered, leaf blew the drive, emptied the dishwasher, walked the dog, then because I hadn't prepped the evening meal and I asked him to, an argument ensued :-(

I mean, most people work full time and have to do all of those things.

I do think it's a bit unfair to ask him to prepare dinner at the end of the of a full day of work when you've been at home since lunchtime.

But he could cook at weekends.

What you’ve described op - well now add in children.

If you don’t want to cook all these many meals from scratch - don’t. You can’t force him to cook. But you can change what you do.

You changed bedding every day?
you leaf blew the drive every day?

come on op

you’re talking to mainly mothers who do what you do plus work full time plus have children

I'm part-time because financially we could afford it and by me doing the housework and food shops and helping my elderly Mum it just gave us more weekend time to enjoy without endless jobs really.

Oh dear - he doesn’t see it as in exchange for these things you’ve set out (food shop not cooking every day; housework & jobs; elderly Mum - I strongly suspect he sees that as your own issue).

And if you’re in every afternoon it’s very hard to reset that expectation.

Ultimately you want him to show he cares about you via cooking you a nice meal. Does he express his gratitude and love in other ways? Or does he just work and generally please himself?

Re-asking my question: what’s the income discrepancy between you and your husband?

Obviously household chores & domestic obligations should be split proportionally to time inside/outside the house, regardless of who earns what, but if there is a large income differential then you’re in difficult territory trying to insist on equality if you’ve also agreed to be part time to ease the household burden on the highest earner…

Could you maybe suggest that he cooks the meal on Saturday? Something homemade not processed stuff.

I know what you mean about meal planning and cooking though. I have to plan my weekly meals because I can only realistically get to the supermarket once a week and it's a drudge at times. This is for me and my DC. They have a pizza on a Saturday and it's bliss knowing I don't have to cook!

I work part time and do all the cooking my repertoire is
Lasagne
Spag bol
Cottage pie
Roast dinners

Not very fancy but tasty all the same.

Saying your cooking is samey is fucking rude.

Just once a week would be nice break from cooking.

This was yesterday as an example. As in, the afternoon flies by the time household jobs are done/dog walked etc. Then it's meal planning every night. I would just love a nice meal prepared for me once a week or fortnight as a break from cooking is all.

I think it’s fair enough with no children in the picture, as far as weeekdays go. Sounds like your overall working week involves the same amount of work as his does? But not reason not to change it back to you working full time and sharing chores if this no longer works for you.

He should really be cooking the odd weekend meal and pitching in with household tasks at the weekends. Otherwise he’s got two days fully “off” and you none, which isn’t fair.

I agree that him complaining about your cooking and calling it “samey” isn’t on though

I would just love a nice meal prepared for me once a week or fortnight as a break from cooking is all.

Then you need to frame it this way as an act of love/appreciation, rather than as a chore he needs to pick up.

Asking him to do it on the hop (illness, tiredness, whatever) then I think you need to either have the meal planned so he can execute it, or accept you’ll get whatever convenience food he wants to do.

But separately you could agree he always cooks one ‘proper’ meal at the weekends, as an act of love more than anything.

What is happening re. your pension and investments while you are working part-time? It's very easy to lose sight of important long-term finance issues.

My husband is useless with cooking but is trying to make a couple of meals a week, I have to be quite patient with the quality of these 😂 as it’s worth it to not have the mental load! His problem is that he wants to do big exciting meals which just aren’t practical on a weeknight or frankly possible with his lack of experience… so I’ve encouraged him to do pasta and sauce, or those meal kits you can get. Even a nice quality soup and bread?! Just trying to get him in the kitchen and in the habit is a start.
Also, it’s helped to be out for the evening occasionally so he has to think about how to feed himself and our daughter (I can’t believe this is necessary 🙄)
I would not want to assume you plan on kids, but definitely get this and your roles sorted fairly if you do plan on having any. Regardless there will be times when you’re ill when he will need to step up! Good luck

I would tell him from now on he was cooking at weekends.

In the nicest way, there are only two of you and you have all afternoon to decide what to cook. It's not like you're having to accommodate dietary restrictions and fussy toddlers and two different meal times. Walking the dog and making the bed doesn't take hours of your time - or if it does, that's by choice, not out of necessity.

It reads to me like you see cooking meals as an act of love, whereas he just sees it as another household chore (which I'd be inclined to agree with, to be honest).

Can't you just agree that you get a takeaway once a week, or get a fancy ready meal, or go out for dinner? Or, you could go back to work full-time and split the cooking and chores between you.

It's not unreasonable to ask him to suggest meals, meal plan or cook from time to time but it should be by arrangement, you can't think that if he's come home to a cooked meal every evening you can spring "you cook tonight" on him and it go well.
Get him to cook at the weekend to start with maybe?

Know your audience OP

this is getting embarrassing!

I think the issue is that you’ve signed up to a lifestyle that most people dispensed with after the 1950s because it’s a recipe for resentment and unhappiness!

Clearly your husband could cook (and would have to every night if you didn’t exist!) for example, I work part time and my husband works full time but he does nearly all our cooking. However, it’s fair because we have kids (and I do nearly all the childcare in the week due to his hours, so cooking the evening meal is the bit that falls in the evening when he is here so he does it). He would never think to complain about ‘cooking from scratch after a long day’ as he knows I work hard too. (As an aside, we use recipe boxes a lot which make cooking healthy meals from scratch in the evenings a lot quicker and simpler easier, could you try this? Not that this is the central issue, but it would also help you introduce more variety, which we would also struggle with otherwise)