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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To cut my long hair short even tho DH doesn't want me to?

96 replies

Hair2daygone2morrow · 13/10/2023 06:38

My hair is currently just below shoulder length but I just don't feel it's me. I always had short hair growing up but then decided to grow it when I was 18. It's very rare I wear it down these days (except if I'm getting dressed up) and it morally just sits on my head in a pony tail.

I'm really tempted to have a pixie cut but my husband doesn't want me to as he prefers me with longer hair (I've had my hair cut short before just before we got married). Don't worry, he's not controlling or anything, and wouldn't stop me from doing it, he's just said he would prefer it if I didn't do it. Of course I value his opinion and I now have the dilemma of either going for it or not!

Help!

OP posts:

newYear10 · 14/10/2023 10:44

Jewelspun · 13/10/2023 07:32

I hate pixie cuts and short hair on women so I'm biased but are you prepared to maintain short hair?

I agree. They suit very few so I would absolutely make sure first.

newYear10 · 14/10/2023 10:46

KimberleyClark · 14/10/2023 08:31

Men who prefer their women with long hair tend to be quite traditional in other ways I find.

My dh isn't traditional at all but I know he would prefer me with long hair. Same way as i wouldn't like him with a beard or bald head!

CherryMaDeara · 14/10/2023 10:46

It’s interesting that pp have described their husbands just going to get their heads shaved / beards with no discussion. And yet OP as a woman feels she has to take into her husband’s opinions. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, as we are entitled to have preferences. But it does raise an interesting question on how socialised women to cater to the male gaze.

CherryMaDeara · 14/10/2023 10:48

Jewelspun · 13/10/2023 07:32

I hate pixie cuts and short hair on women so I'm biased but are you prepared to maintain short hair?

Hate is a strong word. Are all these women rubbing their pixie hair on you? I don’t see why you would give a shit how women do their hair. You do you and let them do them.

SweetFemaleAttitude · 14/10/2023 10:49

Am I the only one sayt here wondering how your hair sits morally on top of you head. Do you have a very judgey bun? 😆

But seriously, if you want a pixie cut, do it. I can guarantee your husband will still shag you.

Diggetydawg · 14/10/2023 10:51

My husband used to be against me having short hair but I was fed up with the styling of it every day - my hair is very thick and curly- so after months of procrastinating I got it cut into a pixie over the summer and he loves it. So do I, I'm free from thr tyranny of the hairdryer 😆 I'd never had short hair before and I wish I'd done it years ago. Life's too short, it's your hair, cut it if you want.

CherryMaDeara · 14/10/2023 10:56

SweetFemaleAttitude · 14/10/2023 10:49

Am I the only one sayt here wondering how your hair sits morally on top of you head. Do you have a very judgey bun? 😆

But seriously, if you want a pixie cut, do it. I can guarantee your husband will still shag you.

Didn’t even notice that 😂 not sure if that’s a good thing or bad thing.

user123212 · 14/10/2023 10:56

i usually have short hair but have been leaving it to grow longer because i'm fed up of spending 2-3 times more on getting a haircut than men! it takes that same or less time to cut! but i get a £35-40 bill vs DP's £15.

anyhow it grows fast. so you would have to decide again in 3 months time anyhow!

Libertass · 14/10/2023 11:15

You are entitled to do whatever you want with your own hair. Your DH is entitled to his opinion on how he prefers your hair to look, and it’s a sign of a strong relationship that he feels able to do so honestly. You are entitled to ignore his opinion, and he should accept that.

This is how we try to do things, but in our case, it’s the other way round. DP is lucky enough to have lovely, thick, wavy salt & pepper hair. It looks great medium length & well cut, but this entails the fuss of appointments with stylist at a proper salon, rather than going to the cheap local barber. If I didn’t care how it looked, he would probably have a buzz cut, but it would be such a waste, & would make him look like a thug, so he takes my view into account. He couldn’t care less what I do with my hair.

Comedycook · 14/10/2023 11:17

In theory, do what you want.

In practice, no I wouldn't cut my hair into a style I knew my dh wouldn't find attractive

FictionalCharacter · 14/10/2023 11:53

Thequeenofthetypis · 13/10/2023 07:03

The mistake you made was asking him first.
It's your hair, do what you like.

Yep!

43ontherocksporfavor · 14/10/2023 12:35

@Libertass learn to o cut his hair! It’s so easy for hair that’s that length. YouTube is your friend. I do DH’s with scissors and clippers and I’ve had no experience. He hates salons and I get to cut it how I like it. Win, win!

43ontherocksporfavor · 14/10/2023 12:38

@Diggetydawg thick curly hair in a pixie cut? How do you do that without straightening? I attempted it once but my wavy thick hair didn’t want to lie flat and elfish!

Diggetydawg · 14/10/2023 12:45

It doesn't sit flat to my head and curls out a bit at the ends. I got it cut by a curly hairdresser so she knew how to cut it. I put salt spray on it and leave to dry naturally. It looks like this but a bit shorter

To cut my long hair short even tho DH doesn't want me to?

43ontherocksporfavor · 14/10/2023 12:52

Oh that’s really cute!

Diggetydawg · 14/10/2023 13:01

It's not a proper pixie cut but it's probably the closest I can get with my hair type

Blondebrunette1 · 16/10/2023 19:04

My husband has always been vocal about not liking short/boyish hair cuts on women. He associates it with our parents generation. If I wanted it, I'd get one but I'd also know it's not a look he liked and honestly, I do care about that. I guess you need to work out what's most important to you, and if you'd feel the same about it knowing your husband isn't a fan.

SkyFullofStars1975 · 16/10/2023 19:10

DH prefers my hair long and currently it's just sitting on my shoulders, driving me mad. Only he's got a very fine head of wispy hair, and not a thick mop like mine that is untameable and spends most of its time stuck to the back of my sweaty menopausal neck. When he has the same to live with daily, I'll factor his opinion in

I'm going short again next cut.

MsDeanna36 · 16/10/2023 19:15

Personally, I would not cut my hair short if my partner didn't find that an attractive look. But it depends on how much it bothers you to have it long. I don't like my hair short anyway.

Kazzybingbong · 17/10/2023 08:15

I really didn’t want my thinning on top husband to shave his head. He’d been wanting to for years and I was always like ‘nooooooo’. Then lockdown hit and he looked like a fluffy chick, so we braved the shave. He now has tattoo dots on his head to make it seem like he has more hair in a buzz cut style and I’ve got so used to it now that I quite like it.

It’s ok for him to not want you to do it but he’ll get used to it! Go for it!

HappyMe6 · 14/11/2023 21:16

I personally have the hairstyles that I like long or short I’ve had them all, I do find pixie cuts more high maintenance though! My husband prefers mine short as long as I’m happy that’s what matters to him! I love having different styles luckily my hair grows like wildfire. It’s only hair do what you feel is right for you

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