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Original poster

To cut my long hair short even tho DH doesn't want me to?

96 replies

Hair2daygone2morrow · 13/10/2023 06:38

My hair is currently just below shoulder length but I just don't feel it's me. I always had short hair growing up but then decided to grow it when I was 18. It's very rare I wear it down these days (except if I'm getting dressed up) and it morally just sits on my head in a pony tail.

I'm really tempted to have a pixie cut but my husband doesn't want me to as he prefers me with longer hair (I've had my hair cut short before just before we got married). Don't worry, he's not controlling or anything, and wouldn't stop me from doing it, he's just said he would prefer it if I didn't do it. Of course I value his opinion and I now have the dilemma of either going for it or not!

Help!

OP posts:
Mirabai · 14/10/2023 08:35

There aren’t that many pixie cuts that look great tbh - and they’re much more faff to look after and style than long hair. So I’m with DH.

Divebar2021 · 14/10/2023 08:40

Men prefer women with long hair

Well there you have it… men plural you notice. I don’t know how this information is known incidentally. It says a lot about men if this is the case and their need for princesses. What if your hair doesn’t look good long? Have you got to suffer it to maintain some fantasy of femininity or are you allowed to cut it then?

RedLolly101 · 14/10/2023 08:48

Mirabai · 14/10/2023 08:35

There aren’t that many pixie cuts that look great tbh - and they’re much more faff to look after and style than long hair. So I’m with DH.

Rubbish about pixie crops being a faff to style. You don’t have to shove loads of products into it. I’ve had short hair my entire life as it’s thin and fine.

Occasionally, I’ll grow it to a chin length Bob but mostly it’s cropped very short and usually coloured.

I’ve never had a shortage of male admirers either. 🤷🏻‍♀️

NoWordForFluffy · 14/10/2023 08:52

I've found men prefer women with long hair.

I've never felt the need to consider the feelings of men when I decide what to do with my hair.

My hair was short when I met DH, then I grew it to my chin. I recently had it chopped back to short without telling him I was going to do it.

He has grown a beard - which he knows I hate - so I'm not too arsed about his opinion!

Toucanfusingforme · 14/10/2023 08:54

I second don’t do anything drastic without letting your husband know in advance. My DH also did the “shaving off beard” bit without telling me (he knew I preferred him without a beard but had had one for years and thought it would be a lovely surprise for me). It was still one hell of a shock! I did get used to him again.😄
Other question is how old are you? My husband also prefers my hair long (I’m in my 60s now) because I had long hair when I was younger (still do now although it’s been various lengths over the years) so to him it also has a sentimental value in my hair being long. For some men it’s not just the style, it can have more meaning than that. Doesn’t mean you can’t do what you want with your hair, just understand it may be more than just a style to him. For what it’s worth, having had long and short hair, I prefer my hair longer because it can be worn up or down and you have some choice. Short hair is short hair and needs a lot of trimming.

givemeasunnyday · 14/10/2023 08:55

It's your hair, you do whatever you want to it. I really can't understand anyone who dresses, cuts/doesn't cut their hair based on a parther's preference. He is entitled to voice his opinion, but that's as far as it should go. I apply the same in reverse, it's not up to me what my partner chooses to wear, or how they have their hair.

givemeasunnyday · 14/10/2023 08:57

Mirabai · 14/10/2023 08:35

There aren’t that many pixie cuts that look great tbh - and they’re much more faff to look after and style than long hair. So I’m with DH.

What a ridiculous thing to say, given you have no idea what the OP looks like, or how she suits her hair. As for being a faff, I once had a pixie cut, and still have short hair, and I literally do nothing to it. I might run my fingers through it once in a while - how is that so difficult?

EvelynKatie · 14/10/2023 08:58

My DH jokingly mentions shaving off his beard now and then, I do say I’d be gutted as I really fancy him with it! I wouldn’t stop him though obviously, just giving him my honest opinion.

Shellingbynight · 14/10/2023 08:58

You don't say your husband hates it short, or doesn't find you attractive with shorter hair, he just 'prefers' it long. That's fine.

But you prefer it shorter, and it's your hair.

givemeasunnyday · 14/10/2023 09:01

Gettingbysomehow · 13/10/2023 06:49

My exH once shaved his beard and moustache off. He was a biker. Didn't tell me just did it. His new little baby face was not attractive. I didn't fancy him any more. It's quite a big thing when you go for a big change like that.

Thankfully not everyone is so shallow. I can't believe some of the posts on this thread, it's like being back in the 50s.

GreatGardenstuff · 14/10/2023 09:33

What made you grow it out last time? Pixie cuts are gorgeous if they suit your bone structure, but such high maintenance!

Anyway, if you want to do it, do it. Tell him it will grow back

KimberleyClark · 14/10/2023 09:45

givemeasunnyday · 14/10/2023 08:57

What a ridiculous thing to say, given you have no idea what the OP looks like, or how she suits her hair. As for being a faff, I once had a pixie cut, and still have short hair, and I literally do nothing to it. I might run my fingers through it once in a while - how is that so difficult?

Show quote history

I agree. I have had pixie cuts in the past and they were no faff at all.

bonzaitree · 14/10/2023 09:47

I don’t think it’s wild to want your partner to maintain their physical attraction to you.

KimberleyClark · 14/10/2023 09:49

Divebar2021 · 14/10/2023 08:40

Men prefer women with long hair

Well there you have it… men plural you notice. I don’t know how this information is known incidentally. It says a lot about men if this is the case and their need for princesses. What if your hair doesn’t look good long? Have you got to suffer it to maintain some fantasy of femininity or are you allowed to cut it then?

This. Long hair needs to be in tip top condition and the ends regularly trimmed in order to look great. Otherwise it can just look a bit meh.

VanWeezer · 14/10/2023 10:03

I have short so I'm probably bias. It doesn't take a lot of work. Take about 5 minutes to wash and blow dry in the morning. I can't wake up without a shower so it's super easy. Yes, I do have to have it cut regularly but it's half an hour and it's done.

Cut mine when I was younger and never looked back. I always used to have in a ponytail as well. Did nothing with it as it was too much faff and work

Bobbotgegrinch · 14/10/2023 10:08

I'm your husband in this situation. I just don't find short hair attractive.

DP is aware of this, as when she cut her hair short she asked my opinion and I told her that it was nice, but that I preferred it longer.

I've never brought it up again but DP has kept it longer since.

There's nothing wrong with your DP expressing a preference but at the end of the day it's your hair. You do what you want to with it, but take into account that it may have an impact on how much your husband fancies you.

Smartiepants79 · 14/10/2023 10:13

LumiB · 13/10/2023 09:52

Where is the line though? If someone gets deep wrinkles and you find that no longer makes them attractive would you expect them to get botox? What about grey hair? What about if they put on weight?

Are some of you really saying that the person who met and were attracted to has look the same all the time?

But these things are not something that you can reasonably make a choice about.
I pay attention to my DH opinion about clothes because he’s often right. Not, always and I buy many things that he wouldn’t have picked for me. He’s very good at picking things that I wouldn’t have chosen, and getting it right. They suit me, I look good.
Hair will grow back though, that’s the good thing! Very short hair does need a lot of maintenance.

RufustheFactualReindeer · 14/10/2023 10:14

My husband would prefer me with long hair but now my hair is shorter than his as i get the sides and back clipped 😀

its my hair, i get lots of compliments, it suits me and its easy to deal with

he has a beard now and didn’t ask me (obviously) whether he could grow one

theduchessofspork · 14/10/2023 10:15

I’d mix it up personally - go short sometimes and then grow it. Variety is good!

Startingagainandagain · 14/10/2023 10:17

@Mirabai

''There aren’t that many pixie cuts that look great tbh''

Some really old fashioned and judgemental responses about short hair on this thread.

I think many women seemed to have internalised the idea that to look good and ''feminine'' you must have long hair.

If you have good, thick hair then fair enough but for many women who have more problematic hair shorter cuts makes it look healthier and looks better.

It is daft to say that pixie cuts don't look great in general.

Many celebs rock this type of hairstyle and look better with short hair: Michelle Williams, Winona Ryder, Halle Berry, Zoë Kravitz.

Isabella Rossellini is on the cover of Italian Vogue this month with her trademark short haircut and an un-retouched picture which I think is fantastic.

OP do what feels right to you.

I have had pixie haircuts on and off for years and got one again earlier this week. I feel so much better for it!

I have really fine hair and this is the one haircut that makes it look fun and healthier. I have light blond hair and I don't feel like the cut makes me feel any less of the woman. In fact it always makes me feel better about myself and more confident.

I think the type of men who always think that women look better with long hair are the kind that are rather set in their views/old fashioned or who somehow don't feel confident enough in themselves to be with a woman with short hair because they associate short hair with being a male attribute...not the type of men I would want to be with anyway.

WeightoftheWorld · 14/10/2023 10:17

I'd do it, my DH also says he prefers my hair at least long bob length, having said that I don't care and do what I like with it. Which he accepts is obviously my decision as it's my hair and he doesn't go on about it or anything like.

BristolBlueGlasses · 14/10/2023 10:21

I did this during lockdown. I hated it. He hated it. All my friends hated it.

I'm glad I did it as a one off, but it was a bugger whilst it was growing back and I'm glad it's long again now.

SisterAgatha · 14/10/2023 10:25

I’m also a short haired kid who grew it as I got over 25. It’s under my boobs. It’s (at times) magnificent. I cut it to shoulder length which is still longer than it had been when I was younger - as I felt like it wasn’t me anymore and I needed a change. I’d had much shorter hair before.
BIGGEST regret ever. It’s only just grown back.

Could you try a little shorter and see how you feel then go from there?

but to answer your Q, your DH should have no input in this one.

Idtotallybangdreamoftheendlessnotgonnalie · 14/10/2023 10:31

I just cut my mid back length hair down to a boyish short back and sides. It's completely liberating and I've never felt more like me.

DPotter · 14/10/2023 10:42

The joy of changing one's hair - is that if you don't like it, it will grow back.