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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To cut my long hair short even tho DH doesn't want me to?

96 replies

Hair2daygone2morrow · 13/10/2023 06:38

My hair is currently just below shoulder length but I just don't feel it's me. I always had short hair growing up but then decided to grow it when I was 18. It's very rare I wear it down these days (except if I'm getting dressed up) and it morally just sits on my head in a pony tail.

I'm really tempted to have a pixie cut but my husband doesn't want me to as he prefers me with longer hair (I've had my hair cut short before just before we got married). Don't worry, he's not controlling or anything, and wouldn't stop me from doing it, he's just said he would prefer it if I didn't do it. Of course I value his opinion and I now have the dilemma of either going for it or not!

Help!

OP posts:
JFDIYOLO · 14/10/2023 00:32

You have a right to do what you want with your own hair.

I've found men prefer women with long hair.

He has a right to prefer long. And to have his own feelings if you cut it short.

I'd suggest getting it styled at longer length, see what you think.

Pokinganose · 14/10/2023 01:01

Just do it! He might even prefer it. If not and then you also decide its not for you then it'll grow back! Plus it'll be much easier to maintain. The windy weather is upon us too! If you're already wearing it up then I can't see the point of having longer hair anyway.

Celibacyinthesticks · 14/10/2023 01:15

MrsELB12 · 13/10/2023 09:42

I get the sentiment of everyone saying it’s your hair, do what you want. I don’t disagree, but personally I want to feel attractive to my husband so I would consider his opinion on that sort of thing. I would hope he’d do the same before growing a moustache & beard which I find really unattractive.

Edited

I agree, it’s important to me that my husband finds me attractive and vice versa, it’s just respectful to consider what your partner finds attractive in my opinion.

Celibacyinthesticks · 14/10/2023 01:24

LumiB · 13/10/2023 09:52

Where is the line though? If someone gets deep wrinkles and you find that no longer makes them attractive would you expect them to get botox? What about grey hair? What about if they put on weight?

Are some of you really saying that the person who met and were attracted to has look the same all the time?

No not the same because we all age and that’s a natural part of life but I think it’s perfectly reasonable for both men and women to keep themselves a healthy weight and present themselves in a way that their partner finds attractive. My husband is losing his hair, it’s a natural process, I still find him attractive but if he decided to wear it in a comb over and put on loads of weIght I would not be attracted to him at all.

junbean · 14/10/2023 01:38

Cut! I love pixies! it grows back :)

Genevie82 · 14/10/2023 07:10

@MrsELB12
Agree with this - big image changes need to be thought about in terms of how your partner will find you attractive - we all want to feel attractive it’s natural to our partners and I think there’s nothing wrong with that , still do it if you find your hair annoying but put the shoe on the other foot too. If he grew a mullet honestly how would you feel?! Light hearted obv here x

MrsRachelDanvers · 14/10/2023 07:23

A bob and pixie are totally different styles-if you want a pixie, don’t get a bob!

Softsoftsleep · 14/10/2023 07:37

I do tend to take my husband's preferences into account when making decisions. I think he does with me, eg his hair and stubble length etc

My husband doesn't have much of an opinion on much, to be fair, but he did say that he didn't like the idea of me letting me grow out all of my grey hair. Seeing as he never seems to mind much about however I present myself, I realised that it must be strong preference for him and I decided not to grow it out.

Its your hair and not his to decide on, but I don't think it's a done and dusted deal. You are fully within your rights to cut it but he doesn't have to like it. Do you feel OK about him not liking it? I am also biased in that I really dislike pixie cuts but ultimately its your choice. Personally, I would take my husband's opinion into my decisio making process, as unpopular as that opinion may be.

Softsoftsleep · 14/10/2023 07:38

'My husband doesn't have much of an opinion on much'

This was about my appearance, not generally!

Tryingtobedifferent · 14/10/2023 08:01

My husband prefers longer hair, but I go on a cycle every few years of cutting all mine off, he's used to it now 😂 the ridiculous thing is I cut it then hate it, grow it long then cut it again and hate it again 🤣 I don't think I'll ever learn! But it does grow back, a hair style is not forever, do what makes you happy 😁

HappiestSleeping · 14/10/2023 08:05

I prefer my wife's hair long, but she prefers it short. She's lovely no matter what length her hair is. For me it's a preference, it looks just as nice short.

bonzaitree · 14/10/2023 08:16

I wouldn’t cut my long hair because my OH likes it.

Likewise, if he shaved his very full beard off then I wouldn’t be happy (I’ve seen baby faced photos from ten years ago- just no!)

I think it’s important that you take some reasonable steps to maintain attraction. Not to the extreme- clearly we all change. But keeping long hair seems reasonable to me.

FlamingoQueen · 14/10/2023 08:16

I would show him some photos of what you are thinking of and explain how much better you’ll feel and how much quicker it will be to look after in the morning. I think some men feel odd being with a women with short hair. I’ve gone from long to short before and loved it.

43ontherocksporfavor · 14/10/2023 08:17

I’m a hypocrite because I’ve had my hair at all lengths. Met DH with longish hair, short bob when engaged/ married/ very long, brown, blonde and D H accepts all. I however hate it if he shaves his head and I tell him so. I find him more attractive with a good couple of inches of hair and a little stubble. Mostly he accommodates me but sometimes gets fed up and cuts it short.
I would want him to find me attractive so would take that into account.

SquishyGloopyBum · 14/10/2023 08:20

For me, it would depend on his reasons why.

So if he thought it didn't suit that's one thing. But if it was a general, women should have long hair, then I wouldn't be taking that into account.

avocadotofu · 14/10/2023 08:21

Of course you should do it, it's your hair!

Minttee · 14/10/2023 08:22

My dh said he didn't like short hair. He wasn't saying I wasn't allowed to cut it short, well if he said that I definitely would have cut it immediately!
After a few years of me debating whether to cut it I got it cut into a pixie. Now he says it really suits me. I wish I had done it years ago.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 14/10/2023 08:24

I don't like pixie cuts and I think they suit very few women, but if you want to do it you should do it - it's your hair, and you can always grow it.

It's like if your husband wanted to grow his hair into a mullet - you would think "Oh no. WHY?" but you would listen to his reasons and if he had always wanted a mullet you would bite your tongue. It's just hair.

lilyblue5 · 14/10/2023 08:25

So I did this, husband prefers me with long hair but I couldn’t stand it anymore.
The wins are no more long hairs in the house, in the shower etc. It’s so quick to dry and I no longer spend ages drying and straightening.
bobs are high maintenance but short hair isn’t (I went Bob first but omg wasn’t enough)

EasterIssland · 14/10/2023 08:27

My husband and my parents didn’t like the idea of me having colourful hair. I did it.
my husband and my parents didn’t like the idea of me having tattoos. 3 done in the last year

I’m now thinking about going pixie. The worry is mine as it’s a big cut for me and worried what it’ll look like. I know If I ask them they’ll say no. But it’s my body my decision and hair grows

Imicola · 14/10/2023 08:28

Just do it, I did in exactly the same situation! Your hair, your choice.
I find it much quicker and easier to look after, it's healthier, it always looks smart and it suits me better.

nobodysdaughternow · 14/10/2023 08:30

I had a short undercut for a long time after years of long hair worn up in a ponytail.

Fancied a change so started growing it and fmlooked very like a baby bird with a comb over.

Everyone told me they never liked the undercut, but after four months of hating my hair, I popped to the barbers and am enjoying how I look again.

Lots of people hate change and just want people to conform so they feel safe. If your confident you look good with a pixie cut, then crack on!

KimberleyClark · 14/10/2023 08:31

Men who prefer their women with long hair tend to be quite traditional in other ways I find.

nobodysdaughternow · 14/10/2023 08:32

EasterIssland · 14/10/2023 08:27

My husband and my parents didn’t like the idea of me having colourful hair. I did it.
my husband and my parents didn’t like the idea of me having tattoos. 3 done in the last year

I’m now thinking about going pixie. The worry is mine as it’s a big cut for me and worried what it’ll look like. I know If I ask them they’ll say no. But it’s my body my decision and hair grows

I love this!

43ontherocksporfavor · 14/10/2023 08:35

DH would quite like a tattoo but knows I don’t t like them so he won’t . Why would you do something to yourself that you know your partner will not find attractive?