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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Saying hello to a strangers child

72 replies

Linnieloulou · 12/10/2023 13:26

Had to pop to the supermarket today to grab some things in my lunch break. As I was walking past a car a little girl was waving hello. I wasn’t sure if it was at me as I was in striding in, nor did I know what her parents were teaching in in terms of strangers so I just smiled and walked on. What happened next was I got shouted after by one of the ladies saying not every adult are polite some are ignorant bit*hes. I stopped and calmly said I don’t know your child and felt it was inappropriate to say Hi. This resulted in them yelling loudly more at me that they are just teaching their children to be polite and how can they learn with ignorant adults around. Again I calmly said I did smile but I am a stranger to her and just walked off.

i don’t think I was unreasonable not to say HI given stranger danger I wouldn’t want my children to be overly friendly with a stranger.

was i unreasonable?

OP posts:
PerspiringElizabeth · 12/10/2023 13:28

Wow that’s very bizarre indeed…. The mother is certainly not polite, so her kids’ manners are probably doomed anyway.

Mellowautumnmists · 12/10/2023 13:31

What happened next was I got shouted after by one of the ladies saying not every adult are polite some are ignorant bitches

This resulted in them yelling loudly more at me that they are just teaching their children to be polite and how can they learn with ignorant adults around.

Oh the irony - they really do need to take a good long look at themselves, don't they?

DappledThings · 12/10/2023 13:31

You were overthinking by just not saying hi as you walked past. She massively overreacted and was very rude.

I say hi to random children if they do. You don't have to treat every interaction as of it were dangerous for the child.

LolaSmiles · 12/10/2023 13:42

Agree with pp who say you're being weird and overthinking for not saying hi when a child says hi, but the mother/adults with the child were also very rude.

Ace56 · 12/10/2023 13:46

YANBU, the other woman shouldn’t be teaching her child to wave at random strangers anyway.

StarlightLime · 12/10/2023 13:51

Dozy twat. She's teaching her child to attention seek; there's nothing polite about accosting complete strangers in the street and demanding they greet you.
Rude ratbag.

Mrsjayy · 12/10/2023 13:53

I would probably have said hello and walked by but the parent was just weird about it not everything had to revolve around her child !

StarlightLime · 12/10/2023 13:56

LolaSmiles · 12/10/2023 13:42

Agree with pp who say you're being weird and overthinking for not saying hi when a child says hi, but the mother/adults with the child were also very rude.

Some people go about their business with their mind elsewhere, especially if it's something as mundane as shopping.
You don't need to have every passing toddler on your radar case they fancy interacting with you.

Mrsjayy · 12/10/2023 13:58

Well the toddler was on your radar you chose not to interact that's fine not to if you don't want to, but there is nothing weird about saying hello either.

DappledThings · 12/10/2023 13:59

StarlightLime · 12/10/2023 13:56

Some people go about their business with their mind elsewhere, especially if it's something as mundane as shopping.
You don't need to have every passing toddler on your radar case they fancy interacting with you.

Show quote history

But in this case it wasn't that the OP was just distracted in that normal way. She registered the child, considered the situation and make a conscious decision not to say hi or wave. So a lot of over thinking.

Mrsjayy · 12/10/2023 14:07

Mrsjayy · 12/10/2023 13:58

Well the toddler was on your radar you chose not to interact that's fine not to if you don't want to, but there is nothing weird about saying hello either.

Sorry I thought I was replying to the original poster.

toadasoda · 12/10/2023 14:11

YANBU Its ironic alright that the person 'teaching manners' had none. I would always wave at a child even in traffic, or say hello or chat if in a queue or whatever, because i like to and I used to love when people did the same to my young kids. However surely it is up to someone if they choose to interact or not. I think it a bit strange that you didn't interact OP if I'm honest but that is absolutely your own business and this women was a silly b*tch

Cowlover89 · 12/10/2023 14:13

Yanbu

lilyblue5 · 12/10/2023 14:14

I thought you were going to say ‘I said hello and then got told off for speaking to the child’
honestly you cannot bloody win. People FGS!

Yummymummy2020 · 12/10/2023 14:16

My toddlers say hello to people in passing but I don’t take offence if anyone dosent react or respond so you are not unreasonable to think the family was rude shouting after you. It was strange of them to be so insulted! However, I don’t think it would have been any harm for you to say hello either, where I live a lot of elderly people would greet everyone in passing so it’s a done thing in these parts, and it is lovely really when young kids do it too!

Cyclebabble · 12/10/2023 14:28

I have had the reverse experience. I waived and talked to a child who waived at me and was challenged by the dad. I do not think you did anything wrong OP, there are just some strange folk around.

StarlightLime · 12/10/2023 14:30

Yummymummy2020 · 12/10/2023 14:16

My toddlers say hello to people in passing but I don’t take offence if anyone dosent react or respond so you are not unreasonable to think the family was rude shouting after you. It was strange of them to be so insulted! However, I don’t think it would have been any harm for you to say hello either, where I live a lot of elderly people would greet everyone in passing so it’s a done thing in these parts, and it is lovely really when young kids do it too!

It's not lovely for everyone, honestly! Maybe teach your kids not to do this?
They shouldn't be trying to interact with everyone who happens to pass by.

therealcookiemonster · 12/10/2023 14:44

loool I guess with that kind of attitude they have to rely on other adults to teach that poor child manners because they certainly can't! sorry you had such a horrible experience

cartagenagina · 12/10/2023 14:46

The last time I said hello to a small child who was waving and smiling at me, the child then told me to fuck off.

YANBU

Shopper727 · 12/10/2023 14:48

I wouldn’t worry, clearly calling you an ignorant bitch in front of her child is much better what a hypocrite honestly some people need to check themselves.

CoffeeMama1 · 12/10/2023 14:48

What a weird way of teaching your children to be polite, by shouting at strangers and throwing out verbal abuse 😂

Cas112 · 12/10/2023 14:53

Albeit the other mum should not spoke about you in that manner or to you in that manner. You should have just said hello, you have massively over thought it

AllWeWantToDo · 12/10/2023 14:59

I wouldn't worry about it, it's likely the child has already realised not everyone is polite with a parent like that 🤣

Not that you weren't polite anyway, if you'd have waved you run the risk of a parent having a go at you

VeridicalVagabond · 12/10/2023 15:02

They are most assuredly not teaching that child to be polite.

Dacadactyl · 12/10/2023 15:06

In your shoes I'd always say hi and smile, maybe even say something else like "your hair band is very nice" or "arent your shoes sparkly" or whatever, if it felt appropriate.

I think if the other mum then wants to be all odd about stranger danger and then proceed to tell their child "in future, watch out for ladies who compliment your hair band/shoes", that's on them.

I think you were odd initially not to have made more effort and said hi tbh. But honestly the mum sounds like she's got a screw loose.