Saying hello to a strangers child

[Linnieloulou]

Had to pop to the supermarket today to grab some things in my lunch break. As I was walking past a car a little girl was waving hello. I wasn’t sure if it was at me as I was in striding in, nor did I know what her parents were teaching in in terms of strangers so I just smiled and walked on. What happened next was I got shouted after by one of the ladies saying not every adult are polite some are ignorant bit*hes. I stopped and calmly said I don’t know your child and felt it was inappropriate to say Hi. This resulted in them yelling loudly more at me that they are just teaching their children to be polite and how can they learn with ignorant adults around. Again I calmly said I did smile but I am a stranger to her and just walked off.

i don’t think I was unreasonable not to say HI given stranger danger I wouldn’t want my children to be overly friendly with a stranger.

was i unreasonable?

You sound weird. It's not for you to teach a random child who you'll never see a again a lesson about "stranger danger". Deliberately not responding when a small child smiles and waves hello just makes you look like a miserable bastard.

YANBU.

I say hi if a random child says hi to me, equally though as a mum of a 2 year old I completely understand where you’re coming from and don’t want my child to be too friendly to strangers for safety. I do think you thought too deeply about it but I understand why you did. The mum undone all the ‘goodness’ that she did by teaching her child to be polite by shouting at you.

This is so weird

Incorrectly posted was supposed to be a reply

That's such an odd response. They didn't say "everyone" did find it lovely and why on earth would a small child be stopped from saying "hi" or "morning" etc when encountering someone. Everyone where we live always acknowledges each other when passing, I dont get why a child wouldn't? Surely the other person can choose to respond in any way they like or not respond at all just like with any other communication...

i wasn’t sure she was waving an me so I smiled and walked on as it says in my original post. Because I didn’t give the response the two ladies thought I should they shouted abuse. Doesn’t make me weird or miserable. Just a busy working mum on my lunch break and at that moment in time my mind was elsewhere. Not saying HI doesn’t mean I was trying to enforce a life lesson on her, just in that split second of fast walking and her catching my attention briefly, I smiled. It wasn’t a wilful decision like today is that day I ignore a child and blow my little party blower shouting stranger danger as a sail on by in a hail of glitter.
what is weirder for me is to be willing shout in front of your kids and drag them into an unknown situation. Lucky for them I was calm given the way they were escalating into a drama but imagine if they picked the wrong person. Was it you in the car park? 😂

I have not taught my child to
say hello to strangers…she does though 😂.
She literally accosts all the parents on the school run. If they don’t say hello back to her she will often ask me why. I usually just respond that they are busy or didn’t hear her and she’s happy with that. I say hello to people I walk past too so she’s probably got that from me! I think there is a difference between saying hello and walking off with a stranger.
Having said all of that those women were incredibly rude to you and were teaching the child appalling manners and language!!

I often say Hello to a stranger's child, whether they wave/speak to me or not, I don't think it is weird at all.

The woman who shouted at you could do with lessons in politeness however.

My baby smiles at everyone, and a lot of people smile back and say hi. It's very sweet and she loves it, and got noticeably sad when none of the teenagers going home from school smiled back at her yesterday!
However, today a drunk man followed us off the bus and looked like he was going to walk all the way home with me because he'd been chatting and smiling at her on the bus and she smiled back. He was getting closer and closer, waving his fingers in her face. I had to divert into the library to shake him off, and I got my husband to pick us up as I was a bit shaken by it. I still don't know if he was actually following us or happened to be walking that way, but he definitely got off at the same stop on purpose because he checked when I was getting off. So yes, as she gets older I will definitely be teaching her not to say hello to strangers.

developmentally children are born ready to make eye contact with people.
and with (usually positive) feedback their social skills begin to mature and the little ones learn about our world. the covid years will really cause problems down the road.
so as a human you should be looking back saying hello and engaging.

What is not lovely for everyone?

@SwimmingSwimming I'm sorry you had that experience. I have had very similar experiences on public transport, and it is unsettling, but is teaching your child to never interact with strangers really the answer? I think it's more about having honest discussions with our children about the risks strangers can pose, and how to determine who is a safe adult, but without making them too scared to even offer a smile or a polite hello to a stranger. The vast majority of risky adults will pose that risk whether you smile at them or not. Those conversations are ones we have with our children as they grow older, in readiness for them having more independence e.g. being out and about alone. I don't think that requires teaching our toddlers not to smile or wave at strangers, which is what some previous PPs have implied we should be doing, as our toddlers aren't 'enchanting' enough or worthy of their time. And the OP relates to a toddler. Even if your child had been crying today, and not smiling at all, that man may have behaved in the exact same way, 'trying to cheer her up'. I have had a number of strangers try to do this when one of my children is upset in public - invariably it only make the situation worse but I know that isn't their intention at all.

People like this are awful, leave them to it. Poor child will he confused over what’s polite and what’s not with her behaviour.

Reminds me of the time I saw a woman almost dragging her son through sainsburys shouting “will you shut the f up!!”. Shouting at him telling him to be quiet (the irony) and swearing at him. Poor child is going to struggle interacting as he gets older when that’s the behaviour he will consider normal and models his own behaviour on as he grows.

However you did over think it. I say hi to kids if they say hi to me. It’s sweet, and if said loudly and happily so parents can hear it isn’t creepy or weird at all.

They are unhinged and rude, ignore them.

Rather that arguing about stranger danger and implying they are wrong for encouring her to wave, just say sorry dl I thought she was waving at someone else.

Although the actions of the adult is very strange. I always wave smile or say hello back....but I have never encountered anyone actively encouraging a child to wave at random people....usually there is a reason, some sort of initial interaction (dropped toy) or when you are on a boat trip etc

Not unreasonable, no one HAS to say hi to a stranger ever. It's just a convention. Sounds like the mum could do some work on modelling polite behaviour to strangers. 🤷
I'm just sad the world has become a place where you potentially can't wave to a child or smile at a baby in a supermarket without worrying you're exposing them to danger of scaring their parents into thinking their children are being targeted by paedophiles.

The parent of the child wwe absolutely ridiculous and very rude. What a bad example to set for her child - that it's ok to yell abuse at strangers.
At the same time, I do think you were over thinking it! What sad world we live in if we can't smile and say hello to a little child that's speaking to us. I often see toddlers in prams who wave hello to me and I will reciprocate and say hello to them. Their little faces light up. When my children were tiny they'd also say hello to people (from the safety of their pushchair) and I loved it when people would reply. It often seemed to delight strangers, particularly old people, to speak to a small child.
All lovely examples of human interaction. How awful if people must ignore and look away from a child! The child must wonder what they've done wrong.
As a parent, I taught my children not to ever go off with a stranger but they knew that a smile and a hello whilst they were with me was perfectly fine and safe.

You were being really weird to think it would be ‘inappropriate’ to wave or say hi to a small child who waved at you. The mother’s reaction was also ridiculous. The only reasonable one in this scenario is the child.

Teaches her child to be polite by letting the child hear her calling you that, definitely mum of the year right there.

YABNU but personally you could have ignored her comment rather than explaining why you did it. Just my thinking...

I doubt very much if all that was processed at the time, more like once considering whats just happened. As a foster carer we are told to discourage children speaking to strangers. Lack of safeguarding causes lots of issues with children who just approach complete strangers and yes overthinking can be an issue too but how many times do we walk past someone and theyve said hello or smiled and we havent managed to respond before we are passed them. Its no biggy and that parent was a very rude ignorant cretin. And finally you cant go round demanding complete strangers stop and speak to your child. Teaching them not to would be more appropriate 🤦‍♀️🙄

Its not weird at all. Its just 1 appropriate response when there are many. Another parent could have started ranting "dont speak to my child u dont even know her". You cant know how someones going to respond in any given situation. You just have to do what you thinks right. The parent sounded bloody bonkers tho. Seriously what sort of muppet does that anyway.