Saying hello to a strangers child

[Linnieloulou]

Had to pop to the supermarket today to grab some things in my lunch break. As I was walking past a car a little girl was waving hello. I wasn’t sure if it was at me as I was in striding in, nor did I know what her parents were teaching in in terms of strangers so I just smiled and walked on. What happened next was I got shouted after by one of the ladies saying not every adult are polite some are ignorant bit*hes. I stopped and calmly said I don’t know your child and felt it was inappropriate to say Hi. This resulted in them yelling loudly more at me that they are just teaching their children to be polite and how can they learn with ignorant adults around. Again I calmly said I did smile but I am a stranger to her and just walked off.

i don’t think I was unreasonable not to say HI given stranger danger I wouldn’t want my children to be overly friendly with a stranger.

was i unreasonable?

Give me strength.

If she’s trying to teach her child how to be polite then she’s not a very good role model is she? If anything she should be telling her small child about stranger danger, not verbally attacking strangers for not engaging in conversation with her.

Nobody finds your toddlers as enchanting as you do, get over it 🤷🏻‍♀️

Nobody has to. Doesn't mean children need to be told to ignore everybody either.

I think some people are just a bit odd/looking for something to get wound up about.

I heard a parent in a shop the other day say to their small child (around 5/6), "hit your brother again and you'll get a slap" 🙄. Thankfully not too many people parent like that anymore.

If you do an advanced search there was the opposite point of view to this a few days ago.
Woman has child who says hello to people, one person doesn't want to be talking to random child. Everyone sided with mother saying we should all be happy that random kids talk to us.

I don't think I should have to talk to random kids so YANBU.

If it's a toddler or little one, and there's an adult with them, I will say 'hi' and/or wave back.
I'm a bit more cautious about primary school aged children.
Stranger danger has been drummed into me from being a child and I'm still wary now of an innocent greeting being misinterpreted. So I understand why you didn't make a big thing of returning the child's greeting.
That said, the mother was way out of line shouting at you as she did. It's verbal abuse at the very least, and what a poor role model for the child.

How is saying hello being overly friendly? I completely understand teaching your child stranger danger, but honestly saying hello?? For me it was rude to not just say it back.
The mums reaction was obviously ridiculous but sorry so was not saying hello to a child.
Strangers walk by eachother in the street and say hello, surely thats just being polite and friendly. There's a time and a place for stranger danger. Adults should be the ones to be more aware of that, like not going over and talking to a random child you dont know. But come on, if they say hello first surely you just say it back!

I always do an awkward little wave and say hello if a kid is smiling at me, never sure if I should, but from this I'm glad I do 😅

@StarlightLime

what are you on about??
most (not all) people enjoy a toddler smiling, waving, chatting to them!

Oh I love getting waved at by random toddlers and having a wee chat or just waving back and saying hi! It cheers me up no end 😊 sometimes the mother smiles indulgently, other times they are grumpy and look at me like I’m off my head. You’ll never always get it right 🤷‍♀️

I love it when young children interact with me and I always interact back. Why would anyone teach their children not to say hello to people? That’s not what stranger danger is about. I think it says a lot about someone if they can’t smile and say hello to strangers, children or adults. So I think the OP should definitely have given a wave and said hello.

The mother should not have shouted abuse, however, and that was entirely unreasonable on her part. It wouldn’t have been nice for the child to witness that and it sets a really bad example.

She's the crazy one.
I have similar people in my family unfortunately.

This.
What a horrible experience, OP.

I had something similar happen when I walked past a farm house. I hadn't even noticed the kid and was taking a long walk because I was having a tough time, hence lost in thought. It put me off a lovely countryside walk as the only route was past the angry farmers house

I've just done shopping in town. In that time I had several interactions with preschool children:

Exchanged pulling faces with a small boy who was whiny in the queue. (Mum laughed when she saw what we were doing)
Sympathised with a mum whose baby was crying, and throwing things out of the pushchair. I pretended they were a plane handing them back, and when I left, baby had stopped crying.
Talked with a small girl about sweets in party bags. We told each other which our favourites were.
Gave a dad suggestions for books to buy for his daughter. He asked me as I was picking out a couple of books, and all his daughter would say was "I don't know". So I asked her what she liked doing and gave a couple of suggestions.
Held a young baby who wouldn't be put down without screaming and Mum was very tearful as she couldn't find her keys.

Isn't life so much nicer with those little exchanges?
And none of the parents seemed to think it was scary either. I'm glad I live in my world, not the one some of MN live in.

Stranger danger is an outdated concept, not even schools teach it any more. In most situations it is safer for a child on their own to ask for help from a "safer" adult than to try to manage alone. Examples I give my kids of a "safer" person: someone who is working in a shop or other business (uniform/badge), a lady with children, police officer etc. Children should not be taught that interacting with strangers is dangerous. It is a necessary skill for life. Also kids are statistically more likely to be harmed by someone they know.

Schools now teach about being cautious of "tricky people" eg people who ask you to go somewhere without parents say-so, keep a secret from parents, say they need your help (eg find my puppy) and so on.

So although that mum was obviously out of order in shouting at you, and there's no necessity to interact with random children, it is also not something that should be avoided at all costs, especially when the child is with a carer and therefore safe.

I work with young children and often interact with them in public too. It's amazing how often a child having a tantrum stops because a kindly stranger says something like "oh dear are you feeling sad?"

My DC used to say hello/good morning to everyone we saw on our walk to the childminder. When someone ignored him once he twisted round in the pushchair and called after them "I said hello!"

I think he just thought they didn't hear him, rather than having an advanced level of snark, but I did smile to myself because who doesn't respond to a kid?!

But as an adult, I wouldn't have called you out on it. And to call someone a bitch while you talk about manners is incredible! So yeah I think slightly YWBU not just saying hi to the kid - but that woman was even more U.

I know what you mean - I once said hello to a little girl who spoke to me, and her dad took her by the hand, pulled her away, and said I should be ashamed of myself for encouraging her to speak to strangers, and that's how people get kidnapped.

Bear in mind I was 17 on my way to 6th form college at the time.

😂My kids are far, far past toddler stage.

No one is saying you have to find them "enchanting" but a hello is normal behaviour when someone greets you, child or adult.

It's sad you don't seem to think so!

If a child waves at you, wave back, it will please the child and there is no harm in a wave.
Obviously their reaction was bonkers though.

Obviously they are cranks for kicking off. I do say hello to little kids who say hello to me though. I just say "Hello" and wave, with a smile and keeping walking. I often see babies sat in a trolley shouting "Hiya" to everyone near and I always say it back to them (sometimes several times when they keep saying it 😆) Would you reply to a baby?

Parent is a headbanger OP. It was nice that you smiled back at kiddo.

I think I'd of waved if it was me but I wouldn't of spoken to a child I didn't know as I'd be worried the parent would think I'm a creep and have a go at me and I would also not want to normalise talking to strangers. Maybe I'm a bit over cautious. The mother was unbelievable rude to you.

Some people go about their business with their mind elsewhere, especially if it's something as mundane as shopping.
You don't need to have every passing toddler on your radar case they fancy interacting with you.
Of course you don't have to have every toddler on your radar. But this toddler was on the OP's radar and she decided to blank the child on the grounds of stranger danger, which is a bit over the top in my opinion.

It takes as much effort to decide to blank a toddler as it does to say hello