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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Daily Moans and The Six

177 replies

Dadfromthesea · 12/10/2023 13:06

Because I am a certifiable lunatic, I drive six girls to school every morning. Imagine the Spice Girls off their tits on coke, participating in The Great British Shriek Off. Then add a sixth Spice Girl (Shouty Spice) because my ears aren’t quite bleeding enough, and that’s my car.

Two of them are my own, and the other four are from four other families. This has been going on since the start of term (although by the end of some journeys it feels like it’s been going on since the start of time).

It’s a 25 minute journey. Rolling fields, cow-strewn pastures and an incessant mega-decibel babble of absolute nonsense.

I do this purely out of love (and cos the school bus costs more than Christmas in a Center Parcs treehouse).

But the issue on the table is not my battered eardrums. It’s how they all come to join my Big Noise School Time Fun Wagon.

One of the other four lives about 4 mins drive away. Another lives a further couple of minutes away. The other two live about 3 mins drive away in the other direction (in different houses about 30 secs apart). None of them live in the direction of school.

Picking them all up would turn a 25 minute journey into a 45 minute one. This would mean everyone in my house getting up 20 mins earlier, and I don’t fancy fighting that battle every morning when my two are at their most unspeakably terrifying.

There would also be some potential additional faffing if the people I’d pick up aren’t kerbside when I arrive and I have to go from passive aggressively looking at their house whilst tapping my steering wheel to actually getting out of the car, knocking, and pretending that I’m not boiling with volcanic fury about them not being ready.

And I’d have to do three point turns with people watching me. Which makes my head hot.

So the deal is that people assemble at my house. Roll call is at 8am.

There is some disquiet amongst the mums about the fact that despite me in theory giving everyone a lift, I have asked them to come to mine as opposed to me picking them all up.

When we set the arrangement up on the WhatsApp group one mum seemed surprised (I’ve never been good at reading signals, but I could deduce this because she said ‘Oh, i’m surprised’). Subsequent messages set my Tone-o-Meter tingling. I could sense eyes being rolled.

But we’ve been like this for a month now. One mum occasionally drives her DD over whilst still in her pyjamas, and there has been some very pointed yawning, but other than that nobody’s cried or died.

I feel though that they are conveying the message that they should not be driving round to my house. Because after all, what’s the point of someone giving your kid a lift if you have to drive them the first bit yourself? Your morning has already joined the gigantic pile of historic mornings marked ‘spoiled by children’.

But on the other hand, I am doing everyone a favour so should I do even more of a favour (or the complete favour, depending on how you look at it)?

The other mums take it in turns to do after school pick-up, and my girls are returned directly to me, flung out at my front door. This is obviously unequal but a) It’s much less of a detour for them because we are within 30 seconds of the road to and from school, b) It’s not first thing in the morning so there’s less rushing around and c) I do every morning and they do one or two afternoons a week each.

We said that we’d review how things were going at half term. If they say that the situation needs to change, who’s being unreasonable? Me or them?

OP posts:
LaMarschallin · 15/10/2023 10:49

PrintersCourt

It was only when people cottoned on that he was a bloke that they started getting all arsey about it

I don't get why most people (I guess some just don't look at user names) didn't realise that Dadfromthesea would be a man.

lottiegarbanzo · 15/10/2023 10:49

Just tell them what you've told us. That you're happy to do 25 mins daily but not 45. An alternative would be that you do 2 or 3 mornings with full pick-up, someone else does the other 3 or 2.

Twiglets1 · 15/10/2023 10:51

Blimey what does it matter if @Dadfromthesea is a male or female, though I guess the clue is in the name. They write really well but some people just have no sense of humour 🤷🏼‍♀️

Alltheyearround · 15/10/2023 10:56

Ignore the haters.

I love reading your stories, and look out for them.

YANBU. We have SEN school transport morning and afternoon and are 99% of the time ready and waiting kerbside for the car at 10 to 8. That's just being respectful for driver and the other passengers.

May God bless you for your services to teenagers.

Sausage1989 · 15/10/2023 10:58

This is so cringe.

INeedAnotherName · 15/10/2023 11:08

Good grief there are some nasty posts on here. Just click out of the thread if you can't respond with decency.

OP - the others have two choices if they aren't happy driving to yours. They either drive their offspring to the school gates instead of yours or they do a mini carshare and one parent gets the other girls and delivers them to you at the usual time. If they don't actually say anything then ignore the eye rolls and yawns. Although tbf I would be yawning just because it's early.

ChateauMargaux · 15/10/2023 11:09

I have been in a few car shares during my time.. often, someone feels that they bear an uneven burden and some people push the boundaries.

You are doing more than your share of driving. A central meeting point is reasonable as is dropping your girls to your door.

Ignore the yawns and pjamas. Stick to the agreement. The others can car share to you if they want. Mornings are shit for everyone, you don't need to make yours more difficult for you or your children. Mine hate car sharing, even with their siblings.

Name99 · 15/10/2023 11:11

LaurieStrode · 15/10/2023 09:15

That's what I was wondering. Whatever happened with that fence / screen / creek situation?

I think he checked the deeds.

SocksAndTheCity · 15/10/2023 11:11

It's certainly nothing to do with the poster's sex as far as I'm concerned. It's everything to do with the tedious attention seeking, playing to the gallery and patent desperation for praise and comments about the writing and not the subject of it.

These contrived, lumpen attempts at writing 'entertaining' prose under the guise of starting a discussion belong on a personal blog, not a discussion board, and that way the people who want to read it can do so and it isn't inflicted on the rest of us. Obviously I can choose not to read it, but I won't know until I've looked.

I agree the illiterate, paragraph free posts are as much of a nightmare to read, but the difference from what I can see is that I don't believe those posters are doing it on purpose.

BIossomtoes · 15/10/2023 11:15

SocksAndTheCity · 15/10/2023 11:11

It's certainly nothing to do with the poster's sex as far as I'm concerned. It's everything to do with the tedious attention seeking, playing to the gallery and patent desperation for praise and comments about the writing and not the subject of it.

These contrived, lumpen attempts at writing 'entertaining' prose under the guise of starting a discussion belong on a personal blog, not a discussion board, and that way the people who want to read it can do so and it isn't inflicted on the rest of us. Obviously I can choose not to read it, but I won't know until I've looked.

I agree the illiterate, paragraph free posts are as much of a nightmare to read, but the difference from what I can see is that I don't believe those posters are doing it on purpose.

Someone got out of the wrong side of the bed this morning. I enjoyed it.

INeedAnotherName · 15/10/2023 11:18

I see many women write in similar styles on this forum. It's called humour. If you don't understand that then scroll by. There is no need to be so nasty just because they are a man or you hate their sense of humour. Look through it all and see what they are actually asking.

Some men do get grief for posting but tbf it's usually because they say they want improve their relationship while slagging off their wife but bigging themselves up to be perfect. But even those men are treated with respect in the beginning.

SocksAndTheCity · 15/10/2023 11:23

BIossomtoes · 15/10/2023 11:15

Someone got out of the wrong side of the bed this morning. I enjoyed it.

Still in bed 😁😊

I suspect I'm biased because when I (briefly) worked in publishing a long time back, we got sent mountains of this shite from people who clearly thought or had been told they had created the next comic masterpiece. It's almost like a paint by numbers when you've seen the format a few hundred times, and it doesn't miraculously get less painful to read.

Still, the The Sun and the Daily Mail sell millions. It isn't hard to see who to.

itsalongwaybackfromsorry · 15/10/2023 11:30

Car pools are for convenience. I don't drive backwards in one I'm in for a sporting club activity; instead, we have a meeting point.

Your set up is ENTIRELY fair, and if they don't like it, they can drive their kiddos to school themselves.

You can point out, btw, that their collection point is simple: all in one place at school. Just like your collection point at your house!

You are on the way home, so chucking yours out of the car isn't an issue. Whoever isn't on the driver's route home on whatever day should be collected at the driver's house. Simple..

Twiglets1 · 15/10/2023 11:49

BIossomtoes · 15/10/2023 11:15

Someone got out of the wrong side of the bed this morning. I enjoyed it.

So did I.

For people who don’t like the writing style, just don’t read it past the first sentence. And stop being such a misery because a lot of people obviously do enjoy it.

VivX · 15/10/2023 12:02

Possibly it was the everyday misogyny in the opening paragraph that was then used in an "oh-so-hilarious" way to describe underage females.🙄🤔

But whatever. Some people found Benny Hill was hilarious. To each their own.💁

HappyMavis · 15/10/2023 12:03

SocksAndTheCity · 15/10/2023 11:11

It's certainly nothing to do with the poster's sex as far as I'm concerned. It's everything to do with the tedious attention seeking, playing to the gallery and patent desperation for praise and comments about the writing and not the subject of it.

These contrived, lumpen attempts at writing 'entertaining' prose under the guise of starting a discussion belong on a personal blog, not a discussion board, and that way the people who want to read it can do so and it isn't inflicted on the rest of us. Obviously I can choose not to read it, but I won't know until I've looked.

I agree the illiterate, paragraph free posts are as much of a nightmare to read, but the difference from what I can see is that I don't believe those posters are doing it on purpose.

Absolutely 100%.

Also, it's nothing to do with getting out the wrong side of bed, or needing anyone to explain "humour," or being told by wannabe mods not to read a thread fgs!

BIossomtoes · 15/10/2023 12:05

Still, the The Sun and the Daily Mail sell millions. It isn't hard to see who to.

What a fucking patronising and ridiculous assumption. Nothing would induce me to read either. And I have both a BA in English and an MA in Modern Contemporary Literature. I’m unsurprised your career in publishing was brief.

CruCru · 15/10/2023 12:51

anotherside · 15/10/2023 10:20

God forbid someone writes in a clear amusing way with a bit of half decent humour thrown in, as opposed to the usual massive block paragraphs of doom, where you have to reread some sentences three times to work out who’s being referred to.

I agree. The OP has made some effort to consider his or her audience - which I find refreshing.

Milarky · 15/10/2023 12:53

Fuck me what vicious posters on here. Bullying fucking mean girls! I can just imagine what you were like at school!!

Just because you don't like his sex and it is SEX not fucking gender! Gender and sex (despite officials getting it wrong) are completely different,

If you're an American who thinks it's rude to use the work sex (think shitty gender reveal parties) then I can almost forgive you. I mean you can't even get the date format right! But the rest of the world. For the love of the wee man! It's SEX!

And if you don't like his writing style, don't read further. I don't like semi illiterate text speak posts with no paragraphs, but you know what? I still answer them if I can help. And I don't feel the need to pull the OP down when I do it.

You do realise when you post that vile shit, you're revealing you're own insecurities. Eh?

And breathe .....

Anyway OP I think the best suggestion thus far is If they do ask directly, I think a mumsnet: “That won’t work for me” and a breezy “So are you in or out of the rota?” is all you need.

Imisssleep2 · 15/10/2023 12:55

I don't think your being unreasonable to get everyone to meet at yours when time is so pushed in the mornings anyway. I used to get taken to school by a friend's parents and I always walked to hers in the morning, granted it wasn't far but I wouldn't have dreamed of them coming to me and neither would my mum.

If you don't need them to collect your girls stick to your grounds and if it means the arrangement is dissolved then so be it. You will just be doing all school runs for yourself but it will be even harder fo the others to adapt as you've been doing the bulk so far.

Daisyblue77 · 15/10/2023 13:23

You are being very reasonable, they are free to drive their kids ti school every morning if they disagree

Daisyblue77 · 15/10/2023 13:27

How rude

happylittlesloth · 15/10/2023 13:31

Because I am a certifiable lunatic lunatic is an incredibly offensive term

Pretendordrown · 15/10/2023 13:36

Unless you're trying to antagonise many women, think about having a user name that doesn't reveal your sex.

Twiglets1 · 15/10/2023 13:38

Pretendordrown · 15/10/2023 13:36

Unless you're trying to antagonise many women, think about having a user name that doesn't reveal your sex.

Ridiculous...people can have whatever username they want and most women won't care let alone be antagonised by the suggestion that the person behind it could be male.