Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Daily Moans and The Six

177 replies

Dadfromthesea · 12/10/2023 13:06

Because I am a certifiable lunatic, I drive six girls to school every morning. Imagine the Spice Girls off their tits on coke, participating in The Great British Shriek Off. Then add a sixth Spice Girl (Shouty Spice) because my ears aren’t quite bleeding enough, and that’s my car.

Two of them are my own, and the other four are from four other families. This has been going on since the start of term (although by the end of some journeys it feels like it’s been going on since the start of time).

It’s a 25 minute journey. Rolling fields, cow-strewn pastures and an incessant mega-decibel babble of absolute nonsense.

I do this purely out of love (and cos the school bus costs more than Christmas in a Center Parcs treehouse).

But the issue on the table is not my battered eardrums. It’s how they all come to join my Big Noise School Time Fun Wagon.

One of the other four lives about 4 mins drive away. Another lives a further couple of minutes away. The other two live about 3 mins drive away in the other direction (in different houses about 30 secs apart). None of them live in the direction of school.

Picking them all up would turn a 25 minute journey into a 45 minute one. This would mean everyone in my house getting up 20 mins earlier, and I don’t fancy fighting that battle every morning when my two are at their most unspeakably terrifying.

There would also be some potential additional faffing if the people I’d pick up aren’t kerbside when I arrive and I have to go from passive aggressively looking at their house whilst tapping my steering wheel to actually getting out of the car, knocking, and pretending that I’m not boiling with volcanic fury about them not being ready.

And I’d have to do three point turns with people watching me. Which makes my head hot.

So the deal is that people assemble at my house. Roll call is at 8am.

There is some disquiet amongst the mums about the fact that despite me in theory giving everyone a lift, I have asked them to come to mine as opposed to me picking them all up.

When we set the arrangement up on the WhatsApp group one mum seemed surprised (I’ve never been good at reading signals, but I could deduce this because she said ‘Oh, i’m surprised’). Subsequent messages set my Tone-o-Meter tingling. I could sense eyes being rolled.

But we’ve been like this for a month now. One mum occasionally drives her DD over whilst still in her pyjamas, and there has been some very pointed yawning, but other than that nobody’s cried or died.

I feel though that they are conveying the message that they should not be driving round to my house. Because after all, what’s the point of someone giving your kid a lift if you have to drive them the first bit yourself? Your morning has already joined the gigantic pile of historic mornings marked ‘spoiled by children’.

But on the other hand, I am doing everyone a favour so should I do even more of a favour (or the complete favour, depending on how you look at it)?

The other mums take it in turns to do after school pick-up, and my girls are returned directly to me, flung out at my front door. This is obviously unequal but a) It’s much less of a detour for them because we are within 30 seconds of the road to and from school, b) It’s not first thing in the morning so there’s less rushing around and c) I do every morning and they do one or two afternoons a week each.

We said that we’d review how things were going at half term. If they say that the situation needs to change, who’s being unreasonable? Me or them?

OP posts:
Rewindthefilm · 15/10/2023 07:56

Love the post title!

Does it matter about the gender of OP? I think he/ she/ they are absolutely right. They are still doing a huge favour for the other parents and if they don’t like the arrangements, they clearly have transport so can do the daily drop offs themselves.

WeHaveChocIcesInTheFreezer · 15/10/2023 08:03

ObsessedWithZach · 12/10/2023 18:47

Why are you making such a big deal of it?
Parents drop their kids and sometimes their friends off all the time at school. I'm not sure it merits such a long post on mumsnet.

I presume by your username that you're one of those dads who need to be congratulated on everything you do. I'm sure some of the the usual fan girls on here will stroke your ego. I say get the fuck on with it. Anyone at the house when you leave gets a lift. End of.

🙄

What has the fact it’s a dad posting actually got to do with this? It has no bearing.

Also, I found the post funny and a nice change to some of the more serous moaning that floods MN.

Lighten up 😊

EyeBetOnSky · 15/10/2023 08:11

@WitchyFingers *sigh

Nothankyou22 · 15/10/2023 08:12

Yeah I wouldn’t be driving in the opposite direction if it means being ready earlier, as you’re already doing them a favour and school mornings are stressful enough.
I take two siblings to school twice a week, they’re dropped to me, if mum is late she tells me not to worry so I don’t get held up

BlossomOfOrange · 15/10/2023 08:19

From my read of your post there seems to be a disconnect between you and each of the mums (not all ‘mums’ are the same) you mention and it doesn’t sound like you have a good understanding of their needs, perhaps they yours. May be your offer is practically inconvenient for reasons that you haven’t yet assumed, and they aren’t the CFs that you are presenting them as. May be they have gone with your suggestion because they don’t want their kid to miss out on the social time. What communication followed the ‘I’m surprised’ whatsapp?

FlamingoQueen · 15/10/2023 08:34

I think a reasonable solution is that (if the children need picking up individually) you share the mornings too. The compromise on you driving every morning is that they all come to your house. I am not sure that they realise how lucky they are.

For one family, once a week to drop your children off at your door is different to you collecting every one 5 days a week. Are your ‘friends’ a bit thick?

Duechristmas · 15/10/2023 08:38

Can't the kids walk to you? I think you are perfectly reasonable. I used to do a similar arrangement myselfb and then go on to my workplace. One teen was terminally late and eventually learnt that the bus was far worse than getting his background out of bed and to my house on time.

dayswithaY · 15/10/2023 08:42

“Imagine the Spice Girls off their tits on coke, participating in The Great British Shriek Off”

Yes, that’s females for you. What is this nonsense? 🫣

Faydi · 15/10/2023 08:45

I have a (childhood) friend who writes Christmas round robins a bit like this. Life round her way is MAD! The utter hilarity of her crazy kids and even crazier dogs (her kids are normal, if a bit dull; as are the dogs).

What you do, in this case, quite clearly, is that you say no. Or you suggest something new, that works for you. I see zero issue here. I found it a bit odd that a woman was posting this, unless maybe she was bipolar and going through a high. Makes much more sense if this is a man. I’m off to ponder on this.

Viviennemary · 15/10/2023 08:49

Then you share the morning lifts too. It's not rocket science.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 15/10/2023 08:50

Are you Anne from Motherland?

Mumsanetta · 15/10/2023 08:51

Shortpoet · 12/10/2023 13:40

My policy is to ignore all passive aggressive hints and only respond if people use their words.

If they do ask directly, I think a mumsnet: “That won’t work for me” and a breezy “So are you in or out of the rota?” is all you need.

If they push, say you have no intention of adding an extra 100 mins of driving onto the 250 you already do per week for them.
If they decide to opt out, it is not you breaking up the group. You are already doing much more than your fair share.

Don’t apologise, don’t over explain.

Exactly what @Shortpoet said.

Sigmama · 15/10/2023 08:53

Isn't there a nearer school

lavenderlou · 15/10/2023 08:55

If any parent days they can't get their child to you then I wouldn't offer to take them. If it's only 3 or 4 minutes to drive then the kids can surely spend 15 minutes or so walking if there's an issue with their parents getting them there. Or the parents can pay for the bus.

iratepirate · 15/10/2023 08:58

I definitely wouldn’t be feeling obliged to
collect all of the kids. By setting your departure time and putting it on their parents to get the charges there in time, you’re mitigating the chances of your own kids being late due to someone else’s missing toothbrush, homework panics etc beyond your control.

It’s up to the parents to get them to the departure on time, only in the same way as if it were a bus stop. I’m sure there are parents out there who drive their kids to bus stops or school in their bleary-eyed pyjama’d state, too. I wouldn’t read too much into them yawning at you.

As with so many posts on here, this could be solved more quickly by speaking directly to the folks involved, but wouldn’t be as amusing to read about. (I like your writing, as a side note.)

ThinWomansBrain · 15/10/2023 09:01

Abitofalark · 12/10/2023 19:56

Is this the man who posted some yarn about neighbours and a screen and who wanted approval for his writing and for being a man on a mums' - oops! I mean parents' - forum?

i wondered that
what happened to the screen/neighbours

Eddielizzard · 15/10/2023 09:01

The fact that you are happy give them a lift eery day mitigates the lack of door service. They can lump it or leave it. I notice that none of them are flinging their toys and driving to school.

The fairer option would be for each parent to take turns in the morning and the afternoon.

Personally I'd rather drop my kid at yours while in my PJ's than face the school gates.

Ace56 · 15/10/2023 09:01

Ah, didn’t notice the username. I thought this was a very odd (possibly ND) woman but the cringy post style makes much more sense if it’s a man. Particularly the description of teenage/pre-teen girls.

OP, if you’re actually looking for advice rather than attention seeking for your ‘hilarious’ writing style, I would say you are completely in the right to say the girls need to be dropped off at yours. Just explain as you did here, that collecting each one would take you an extra 20 mins.

HappyMavis · 15/10/2023 09:02

Urgh, so cringy. My favourite word at the moment is "garrulous" thanks to a different thread, and it so wonderfully applies here.

Also, references to "coke and tits" don't sit well with me coming from a supposedly responsible adult.

Alisonghost23 · 15/10/2023 09:02

Hi guys
what’s the best company to use to get from Woking to Gatwick at 4am. Beat taxi quote I’ve had is £95 😱

HappyMavis · 15/10/2023 09:04

Alisonghost23 · 15/10/2023 09:02

Hi guys
what’s the best company to use to get from Woking to Gatwick at 4am. Beat taxi quote I’ve had is £95 😱

Just ask the OP, plus he'll turn it into a "funny" story afterwards for us all.

Ace56 · 15/10/2023 09:04

Alisonghost23 · 15/10/2023 09:02

Hi guys
what’s the best company to use to get from Woking to Gatwick at 4am. Beat taxi quote I’ve had is £95 😱

You ok hun?

Passepartoute · 15/10/2023 09:05

Can't the other children walk to your house?

Viviennemary · 15/10/2023 09:07

HappyMavis · 15/10/2023 09:02

Urgh, so cringy. My favourite word at the moment is "garrulous" thanks to a different thread, and it so wonderfully applies here.

Also, references to "coke and tits" don't sit well with me coming from a supposedly responsible adult.

I had to look up the word so at least I've learnt something. I think OP is after being the next beaker thread with this inane drivel. Good luck with that.

PonyPatter44 · 15/10/2023 09:10

I went to a school MILES from home, so my dad and two other mums took turns driving us three girls every morning. We got the bus home. We met at a place that was roughly central for all of us, and it worked really well. Noone had to write comic anecdotes on Mumsnet or anything.

Swipe left for the next trending thread