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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Daily Moans and The Six

177 replies

Dadfromthesea · 12/10/2023 13:06

Because I am a certifiable lunatic, I drive six girls to school every morning. Imagine the Spice Girls off their tits on coke, participating in The Great British Shriek Off. Then add a sixth Spice Girl (Shouty Spice) because my ears aren’t quite bleeding enough, and that’s my car.

Two of them are my own, and the other four are from four other families. This has been going on since the start of term (although by the end of some journeys it feels like it’s been going on since the start of time).

It’s a 25 minute journey. Rolling fields, cow-strewn pastures and an incessant mega-decibel babble of absolute nonsense.

I do this purely out of love (and cos the school bus costs more than Christmas in a Center Parcs treehouse).

But the issue on the table is not my battered eardrums. It’s how they all come to join my Big Noise School Time Fun Wagon.

One of the other four lives about 4 mins drive away. Another lives a further couple of minutes away. The other two live about 3 mins drive away in the other direction (in different houses about 30 secs apart). None of them live in the direction of school.

Picking them all up would turn a 25 minute journey into a 45 minute one. This would mean everyone in my house getting up 20 mins earlier, and I don’t fancy fighting that battle every morning when my two are at their most unspeakably terrifying.

There would also be some potential additional faffing if the people I’d pick up aren’t kerbside when I arrive and I have to go from passive aggressively looking at their house whilst tapping my steering wheel to actually getting out of the car, knocking, and pretending that I’m not boiling with volcanic fury about them not being ready.

And I’d have to do three point turns with people watching me. Which makes my head hot.

So the deal is that people assemble at my house. Roll call is at 8am.

There is some disquiet amongst the mums about the fact that despite me in theory giving everyone a lift, I have asked them to come to mine as opposed to me picking them all up.

When we set the arrangement up on the WhatsApp group one mum seemed surprised (I’ve never been good at reading signals, but I could deduce this because she said ‘Oh, i’m surprised’). Subsequent messages set my Tone-o-Meter tingling. I could sense eyes being rolled.

But we’ve been like this for a month now. One mum occasionally drives her DD over whilst still in her pyjamas, and there has been some very pointed yawning, but other than that nobody’s cried or died.

I feel though that they are conveying the message that they should not be driving round to my house. Because after all, what’s the point of someone giving your kid a lift if you have to drive them the first bit yourself? Your morning has already joined the gigantic pile of historic mornings marked ‘spoiled by children’.

But on the other hand, I am doing everyone a favour so should I do even more of a favour (or the complete favour, depending on how you look at it)?

The other mums take it in turns to do after school pick-up, and my girls are returned directly to me, flung out at my front door. This is obviously unequal but a) It’s much less of a detour for them because we are within 30 seconds of the road to and from school, b) It’s not first thing in the morning so there’s less rushing around and c) I do every morning and they do one or two afternoons a week each.

We said that we’d review how things were going at half term. If they say that the situation needs to change, who’s being unreasonable? Me or them?

OP posts:
Denimdreams · 15/10/2023 09:13

dayswithaY · 15/10/2023 08:42

“Imagine the Spice Girls off their tits on coke, participating in The Great British Shriek Off”

Yes, that’s females for you. What is this nonsense? 🫣

Was just coming to say this.
WTAF!

Sigmama · 15/10/2023 09:15

To be fair, it painted a clear picture

LaurieStrode · 15/10/2023 09:15

Abitofalark · 12/10/2023 19:56

Is this the man who posted some yarn about neighbours and a screen and who wanted approval for his writing and for being a man on a mums' - oops! I mean parents' - forum?

That's what I was wondering. Whatever happened with that fence / screen / creek situation?

Denimdreams · 15/10/2023 09:16

Faydi · 15/10/2023 08:45

I have a (childhood) friend who writes Christmas round robins a bit like this. Life round her way is MAD! The utter hilarity of her crazy kids and even crazier dogs (her kids are normal, if a bit dull; as are the dogs).

What you do, in this case, quite clearly, is that you say no. Or you suggest something new, that works for you. I see zero issue here. I found it a bit odd that a woman was posting this, unless maybe she was bipolar and going through a high. Makes much more sense if this is a man. I’m off to ponder on this.

I think it's a woman pretending to be a man.

Passepartoute · 15/10/2023 09:17

FFS, if you don't like OP's writing style, don't read it. No need to keep posting about it.

LaurieStrode · 15/10/2023 09:19

verdantverdure · 13/10/2023 23:59

I say,

If any of them want to take over the morning school run and drive round for twenty minutes to pick up 5 other girls then they are at perfect liberty to do so.

This.

Why are commenters being such assholes toward the OP?

It's a refreshing change from people choosing to produce umpteen kids in toxic relationships or complaining about the MIL.

LaurieStrode · 15/10/2023 09:23

EyeBetOnSky · 15/10/2023 07:46

I honestly can’t get excited by whether the OP has written a previous thread in a similar style. What I will say is that their previous post about the trees was received with absolute rapture by you lot (‘Oh, you should write a book OP, you’re hilarious’). Not sure when the tide turned but guessing it was when their gender was made clear. Seems a bit petty when you were all egging him on.

This. I recall the gushing and accolades about the fence saga, when posters thought he was a woman.

Typical MN double standards.

CallieQ · 15/10/2023 09:26

Why share the lifts with the other families?

Faydi · 15/10/2023 09:26

CallieQ · 15/10/2023 09:26

Why share the lifts with the other families?

End of.

KombuchaKalling · 15/10/2023 09:27

Shortpoet · 12/10/2023 13:40

My policy is to ignore all passive aggressive hints and only respond if people use their words.

If they do ask directly, I think a mumsnet: “That won’t work for me” and a breezy “So are you in or out of the rota?” is all you need.

If they push, say you have no intention of adding an extra 100 mins of driving onto the 250 you already do per week for them.
If they decide to opt out, it is not you breaking up the group. You are already doing much more than your fair share.

Don’t apologise, don’t over explain.

This.

I would just say you’re leaving your house at 8.20 or 8.25pm (or whatever time you need to leave at so no one is late). As Kate Moss would say don’t complain, don’t explain. A deal has been agreed and you sound like a saint to me. I’m terrible in the morning and despise group travel arrangements as some dick head usually keeps people hanging about.

CallieQ · 15/10/2023 09:27

Alisonghost23 · 15/10/2023 09:02

Hi guys
what’s the best company to use to get from Woking to Gatwick at 4am. Beat taxi quote I’ve had is £95 😱

Eh

CallieQ · 15/10/2023 09:28

CallieQ · 15/10/2023 09:26

Why share the lifts with the other families?

Sorry I meant why not share lifts

Isn't that the whole point of ferrying lots of kids

Alwaystiredmum123 · 15/10/2023 09:29

I think it also depends on what you need from this carpool. I do more drop offs and pick ups than my neighbours, but my schedule isn’t flexible at all. If they’re happy to work around the times I can and can’t do the school run I’m more than happy to pitch in more; it works for everyone then.
can you only drop off and never pick up? If that’s the case the arrangement works for you, so I would just suck it up and do it. Pick ups are not always easy either, there is waiting around, forgotten properly, chats to teachers, etc… I actually find them very time consuming.
think about what you need from this arrangement and what you can offer. arrangements like this are not always “fair” but if they work it’s worth it…

Faydi · 15/10/2023 09:30

CallieQ · 15/10/2023 09:28

Sorry I meant why not share lifts

Isn't that the whole point of ferrying lots of kids

And that’s the other solution! Don’t share, or share with more.

Cozytoesandtoast00 · 15/10/2023 09:30

Brilliant writing! 😊
I am part of a very similar situation and think unless they talk to you directly regarding the logistics, just carry on as you are.

43ontherocksporfavor · 15/10/2023 09:31

Hahahah your OP made me laugh, you write well. I think Yanbu as you live in the direction of the school so easier for them to drop off at your door. If you’re doing 5 days and they only 2, are they giving you fuel money?

VivX · 15/10/2023 09:32

This is a self-created non-problem. Just say no to anything you're not willing to do.

Also, what is drivel is this?: "the Spice Girls off their tits on coke, participating in The Great British Shriek Off"🙄

Allwelcone · 15/10/2023 09:32

Shortpoet · 12/10/2023 13:40

My policy is to ignore all passive aggressive hints and only respond if people use their words.

If they do ask directly, I think a mumsnet: “That won’t work for me” and a breezy “So are you in or out of the rota?” is all you need.

If they push, say you have no intention of adding an extra 100 mins of driving onto the 250 you already do per week for them.
If they decide to opt out, it is not you breaking up the group. You are already doing much more than your fair share.

Don’t apologise, don’t over explain.

Perfect advice here!

RosaMoline · 15/10/2023 09:32

What’s the other thread about the screen and neighbours please? Curious now!

43ontherocksporfavor · 15/10/2023 09:34

@KombuchaKalling Kate Moss? Isn’t that The Royal Family’s line?

43ontherocksporfavor · 15/10/2023 09:34

@Shortpoet has it.

ColumboOnTheCase · 15/10/2023 09:36

Op can you pick up @Alisonghost23 from Woking and drop her off at Gatwick it's for 4am so you should be back before the school run.

KombuchaKalling · 15/10/2023 09:37

43ontherocksporfavor · 15/10/2023 09:34

@KombuchaKalling Kate Moss? Isn’t that The Royal Family’s line?

Yep, Kate Moss. Wouldn’t be surprised that the Royal Family have it as an ethos, certainly feels like it to me!

Puffypuffin · 15/10/2023 09:38

I don't know why anyone would be a twat to the OP. OP, YANBU at ALL getting them all to come to yours and I absolutely love the way you wrote this post. 😂

43ontherocksporfavor · 15/10/2023 09:39

Pretty sure Kate got it from them and not the other way round! 😂

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