Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To consider ending a friendship over differing political beliefs?

114 replies

HelloBridesmaidLiketheBeard · 12/10/2023 10:01

If a friend suddenly voiced political beliefs that you strongly disagree with, do you think the friendship can survive?

I have friends with varying beliefs, some like mine, some not, but if someone has a HUGELY different opinion and is vehement in it, do you think it's possible to maintain that friendship?

I'm feeling very conflicted after a rather eye-opening conversation the other day with a friend, and I can't get her words out of my mind.

OP posts:
Nannyfannybanny · 12/10/2023 10:05

I was brought up never discuss politics, religion,sex or money. I do have friends with complete different ideas to me,we either respect each others views or don't discuss it. I will say something on the lines of let's not go there.I am an atheist with very religious friends. How would you feel if it was a husband instead.

MichelleScarn · 12/10/2023 10:08

The absolute shit show of the snp and independence debacle and brexit nightmare has led to fractured friendships for me, mainly because they couldn't stand disagreement and tried to change my mind - re forcing a YES vote in snp and despite I didn't vote for brexit, they were appalled that I l didn't loathe people who did and kept on at me to cut contact with anyone who did!
That's what did it, not their voting stance.

ComtesseDeSpair · 12/10/2023 10:08

It depends. Many of my friends, and my DH, hold differing political opinions to mine, vastly different in some cases. The crux is that they’ve all arrived at them from a place of reasoning, background discussion and lived experience, and I think that’s more important than living in an echo chamber and surrounding myself with people who think exactly as I do, or lack the self-confidence to be vehement about something they truly believe in.

If we’re talking in the case of your friend about outright bigoted views based on little more than watching some YouTuber then that’s a more difficult point of view to acknowledge and accept somebody holds, granted.

Fightyouforthatpie · 12/10/2023 10:09

Depends on the person. I have a few friends who have political views I profoundly disagree with but they are good friends and I respect their right to an opinion. They are not idiots, just different.
Some people are idiots though, so it depends.

Surreyclaire · 12/10/2023 10:13

no I have very different views to some of my friends one of whom is a communist but as long as people don’t keep on trying to force their opinions onto others I don’t care we take the Micky out of each others views

Fightyouforthatpie · 12/10/2023 10:14

Actually Brexit was fascinating - I have been able to remain friends with people who respect that we had a vote and people voted. One friend was just so rabid that I have lost touch with him largely at his behest, but like a PP I don't really miss his rabid hatred of leave voters. Brexit changed things for a lot of us I think - i thought the country would (mostly) accept the outcome whatever it was (that's after all what the PM at the time said he'd do too). It was sad it didn't work out that way, although perhaps understandable in some ways.

RandomButtons · 12/10/2023 10:18

It depends. I was brought up to have healthy debates on political subjects with respect for each side.

it’s perfectly possible to be friends with someone and have different beliefs and viewpoints. However there has to be respect and no attempt to push views onto others. Brexit has been the ultimate example of this. Those who snarled and snapped that only their viewpoint was valid I’ve dropped as friends.

Growlybear83 · 12/10/2023 10:22

I think it depends on the issue concerned. I stayed friends with people who had very different opinions from me over Brexit and have agreed with some friends that we should never discuss politics, but there are some issues that are so significant that I can see it would be very difficult to remain friends with someone who had completely differing views to me.

hydriotaphia · 12/10/2023 10:24

Depends what you mean by political beliefs. Anything within the mainstream that you might disagree with - eg support for Momentum/ the Tories/ Brexit etc - YABU to cut ties. If we are talking racism or antisemitism or similar then YANBU.

Coffeerum · 12/10/2023 10:26

It really depends. I come from a very politically divided landscape and have friends from both sides, so I wouldn't automatically end a friendship over political beliefs by any means.
However I also have values and morals and I generally only want to seek out people who align with that. For example I wouldn't pursue a friendship with someone who wanted to criminalise homosexuality or had racist beliefs.

Bex5490 · 12/10/2023 10:27

hydriotaphia · 12/10/2023 10:24

Depends what you mean by political beliefs. Anything within the mainstream that you might disagree with - eg support for Momentum/ the Tories/ Brexit etc - YABU to cut ties. If we are talking racism or antisemitism or similar then YANBU.

Agreed.

It’s healthy to have friends with differing views. Otherwise you only surround yourself with people who agree with you and then your opinions are never challenged which can be dangerous.

mindutopia · 12/10/2023 10:27

I don't mind different political beliefs, but different values is something different. I wouldn't be friends with someone whose values were not in line with my own - in terms of respect for others, prioritising human rights, not supporting racism, homophobia, transphobia, anti-immigrant stances, etc.

Bex5490 · 12/10/2023 10:30

mindutopia · 12/10/2023 10:27

I don't mind different political beliefs, but different values is something different. I wouldn't be friends with someone whose values were not in line with my own - in terms of respect for others, prioritising human rights, not supporting racism, homophobia, transphobia, anti-immigrant stances, etc.

The transphobia thing I think is harder though. I have friends who I disagree with on this but I know that we both feel the way we feel because of a desire to protect a group of people that we see as vulnerable. Even though our views are very different I wouldn’t not be friends with her because I think her heart is in the right place.

AdoraBell · 12/10/2023 10:33

Depends on how extreme her views are really. Simply a different political party, no problem, if Neo Nazi or similar, cut contact and block them.

Londonscallingme · 12/10/2023 10:35

I think it depends a lot on how fringe their beliefs are and also how political you like your friendships to be. In general I would like to think I could be friends with someone who had come to a different political decision to me, assuming it was well thought out and not hateful. I would struggle to be friends with someone who I thought was ignorant or had jumped on a hateful bandwagon without bothering to understand the facts of the matter.

Nutellaonall · 12/10/2023 10:37

Uhm no that is what makes life interesting. We are allowed to have cheerful debate. I have friends from all walks of life with varying political opinions. Do you really want to live in an echochamber?

Glorifried · 12/10/2023 10:37

Some subjects are better avoided if it's otherwise a good friendship.

WandaWonder · 12/10/2023 10:39

Sure it's you right of course but this xfactor type press a buzzer and cancel people because they are not the same as you I think is odd

MrsSkylerWhite · 12/10/2023 10:40

Would depend on the particular views. I have differences with friends but most aren’t fundamental.

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 12/10/2023 10:43

I think it's fine for people to disagree, but if it comes down to a fundamental difference in core values, then I think it's probably difficult for the friendship to survive, at least as a close friendship. Maybe a casual friendship could continue.

Values are important because they are at the core of who you are as a person. I couldn't be friends with someone with someone whose values I found abhorrent.

Whalestoe · 12/10/2023 10:46

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

Bluevelvetsofa · 12/10/2023 11:11

I have friends with similar political views and friends with opposing political views. I don’t discuss politics with either group. I think that one or two would be surprised how different our views are and if we were to discuss them, I’d probably say something that could put an end to the friendship. So I keep quiet.

EasternStandard · 12/10/2023 11:12

Yes it’s important to me to hear different views

EasternStandard · 12/10/2023 11:13

Although I can’t say any have very extreme views, so within bounds of a broad political spectrum

nutsnutspistachionuts · 12/10/2023 11:15

Depends what they are. It is the done thing on here to say "you should like people for who they are not what they think," but personally if someone was a full on Laurence Fox type then that would be "who they are" and I wouldn't like it much. I don't agree with my friends on everything but generally we share fundamental values.