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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask about your experiences with racism?

125 replies

MooseBreath · 11/10/2023 22:40

I will preface this by saying that I am white and do not look like a minority. I am, however, Jewish. I have experienced anti-Semitism on a few occasions. Whenever I have spoken with friends about my experience, they have been surprised that this happened.

My childhood best friend (half Jamaican) was recently telling me about how she experienced racism on many occasions growing up in our predominantly white hometown . I am embarrassed to say that not once did I notice it happening.

I think it may be helpful to people who haven't witnessed or experienced acts of intolerance to hear actual stories of it happening. Even the little things.

My experiences are as follows:

My parents were teachers in our local high school. My high school was very big on "tolerence" and preached about the importance Holocaust, inviting in loads of speakers and organising trips to Auschwitz. My mom was the only Jewish teacher in the school and this was common knowledge, as she had given a few speeches in assemblies. It is also important to note that my brothers and I attended the school, so it was also common knowledge where we lived.

On one occasion, she gave a bad grade to one of her students who repeatedly didn't hand in his work. The student targeted our home for the next few months. We would receive phone calls in the middle of the night, playing traditional Jewish music. We would have crude drawings of "stereotypical" Jews in our mailbox. We had our house egged on many occasions, often with raw bacon left outside the front door. Though we weren't kosher and were very much secular, the intent was very clear. The student (who we knew was the perpetrator through other students at the school) never faced any consequences. We had no proof who was doing this to our family. But the feeling of being targeted due to our birth religion was so scary.

I now live in the East of England and while nothing has been personally targeted at me or my family, there have been many instances of graffitied swastikas on pathways and buildings. I have seen people talking about Jews being at fault for the Israel-Palestine conflict when protesting for a Free Palestine (which for the record, I am for, along with all the other Jewish people I know).

I figure if I am not even a visible minority and have experienced this, I can only begin to imagine the horrible things people of colour have learned to live with. Maybe if we talk about the incidents we have experienced, we can move forward more quickly.

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OhHelloTheres · 11/10/2023 22:49

For me it started on 12th September 2001. My teacher sat us all down and said we all had to understand why the Palestinians were having street parties and celebrating the deaths of Jews and Americans the day before.
Those were her words, not mine. I was 13. From that day on my school locker was frequently covered in "Free Palestine" stickers.

My brother has been beaten up for wearing a star of David, more than once.

I have been told to move to Florida because that's the only place I'm welcome. Presumably referencing the high percentage of Jews who live there.

I'm frequently made to explain Israels actions and condemn them, purely because of my religion.

In my old job I had someone say "but it's true though, Jews have all the money and control the media".

MooseBreath · 11/10/2023 22:56

@OhHelloTheres That is so awful, I'm sorry that happened to you and your brother, and is continuing to happen. It should go without saying that at no point should anyone be encouraging the celebration of groups of people being murdered.

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Goodnightythen · 11/10/2023 22:59

Sorry to hear that OP. That sucks. As a Muslim and Asian I've had loads of instances of racism, particularly when people don't realise my ethnicity or background. I think one of the most hurtful ones happened while I was six months pregnant after miscarriages, failed IVF, etc. At a dinner party I was casually mansplained about how Muslims will eventually take over the population because 'they breed like rabbits' and they're 'taught to have six seven eight kids each'. When I pointed out I was Muslim he made a kind of 'haha well you are up the duff' kind of laughing it off comment. DH and I laughed to not make a situation. He made me feel like I didn't deserve to have this child - or be there in his presence, in his space.

MooseBreath · 11/10/2023 23:05

@Goodnightythen I hope that man felt as idiotic as he sounds. That must've been so hard for you to keep calm.

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Opine · 11/10/2023 23:13

That’s an exhausting question. I’d never even attempt to answer because it would make me ill. Just recounting incidents from the first two or three years of my memory would be enough.
And all that exhaustion & upset just to give people who don’t give a damn a bit of insight.

No thanks.

Merryoldgoat · 11/10/2023 23:19

I’m mixed black and white. However I look European - generally mistaken for Spanish/Italian/Greek.

I’ve been privy to lots of comments from white people who think they’re in ‘safe’ company. A more recent one is someone expressing concern about a candidate I’d short listed as ‘her name sounds black’.

I stopped being surprised years ago.

MoodyHousePlant · 11/10/2023 23:23

A few incidents that come to mind (I'm racially ambitious, but a visible minority):

  • Being shouted at from a car "Black b*tches" as it drove past me and my mum
  • Being called a "p*ki" as someone pushed past me in a queue
  • Being asked how was life "growing up in the islands?" (I'm from England with an English accent, as was the person talking to me)
  • Being physically assaulted and called "n**ger" during the attack

Plus a whole bunch of "subtle" things, where one could argue "but there is no proof [incident] is down to racism".

MooseBreath · 11/10/2023 23:24

@Merryoldgoat The fact that it doesn't come as a shock says pretty much all there is to say.

@Opine I would never want you to feel uncomfortable. Some of us do give a damn though.

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MoodyHousePlant · 11/10/2023 23:27

*racially ambiguous

Meta123 · 11/10/2023 23:30

Sorry you had to go through this. It does feel horrible.

I am Asian and just the usual stuff really. Getting called a P*ki, to go back to where I came from.

I worked as a HCA and received A LOT of racism on the wards. Being told, "you are only here to look after us" ect ect

When I was a younger child it was more adults trying to scare me. Like intimidating me by revving with their cars or driving very quickly as if to run me over. Kids were never racist to me though.

It makes a big difference where you live though.

MidnightOnceMore · 11/10/2023 23:30

I've seen loads of incidents.

I see racism minimised or justified all the time, including on here. Must be exhausting to be on the receiving end and then have the truth denied.

MooseBreath · 11/10/2023 23:32

@MoodyHousePlant I did think you must have very mixed heritage to be "racially ambitious"!
The ones with no proof are hard. I've seen so many people accuse others of "playing the race card," when it has most often been a racially motivated incident.

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MoodyHousePlant · 11/10/2023 23:35

MooseBreath · 11/10/2023 23:32

@MoodyHousePlant I did think you must have very mixed heritage to be "racially ambitious"!
The ones with no proof are hard. I've seen so many people accuse others of "playing the race card," when it has most often been a racially motivated incident.

Edited

Yes, I made a typo and meant "ambiguous" 😅

Bergmum · 11/10/2023 23:36

A couple of months ago sitting in the car waiting at the traffic lights in East London had stones throw at my car with f*ing jews shouted to go along with it.

Fruitandclottedcream · 11/10/2023 23:41

I'm black/white Caribbean. I currently live in rural Devon. It's... An experience. I will preface this by saying I'm actually the first non white person a lot of these people have actually interacted with. Which probably gives an idea of what I'm dealing with.

  • I've had people insist it's not racist to call me coloured
  • Lots of people used to do the whole where are you from? No where are you really from?!... I nipped this in the bud by asking "Do you want to know where I'm from, or do you want to know why I'm brown?
  • Some of my daughter's classmates were genuinely shocked I speak English and not Spanish. Some children at my workplace were also insistent I'm Spanish. I'm on the fairer side of brown but I'm not racially ambiguous by any means so I can only assume they've never seen anyone biracial before.
  • I had management get me to prepare enough black history month resources for the nursery only to have staff then refuse to use them because Halloween is more important.
  • My room leader referred to traditional African and Caribbean music as culturally ✨ different ✨ music, and then insist Waka Waka was a better representation of black history month because the african music we had playing was too different for the toddlers
  • More of a micro aggression but When I let my hair out and let the children play with it and experience a different hair texture... The same colleague handed a child a pair of toy straighteners and encouraged her to make my hair "pretty and straight".
  • A local white couple here have mixed race children. They felt it was appropriate to tell me and the rest of our afro Caribbean family group that when they chose a sperm donor, they went for a black one because they wanted to have little mixies. I'm adding it because it feels quite racist to fetishise an entire ethnicity and then be privileged enough to create a child of said ethnicity and not have anyone question it.
  • On Friday, I dropped some cakes off for the cake sale at my daughter's school. The new receptionist clearly recognised my daughter's name when I mentioned her. I told the office staff I was collecting her (she usually gets transport). My daughter is white presenting and I am not. The new receptionist had never met me before and her response was to raise an eyebrow, look really suspicious and say I'm sorry but what are you to her? She was genuinely surprised I'm her mother.
  • And let's not forget all the times people have pointed out I look young and followed up with "Black don't crack"
I could go on, and on, and on about racist experiences in Devon, but I'll be here all night!

Edited loads because of formatting issues

Merryoldgoat · 12/10/2023 00:13

@MoodyHousePlant i much prefer ‘ambitious’ 🤣

Merryoldgoat · 12/10/2023 00:17

Oh yes. By the beauty of genetics my younger son is blonde, blue eyed and very fair skinned. Endless questions about ‘how’ that happened.

BananaSlug · 12/10/2023 00:18

I’m mixed race (black / white) and the only racism I have experienced has been from black people.

SaySomethingMan · 12/10/2023 00:18

i agee with this.

The post could do with a trigger warning regarding lived experienced of racism. It can be very triggering to just read.

drV · 12/10/2023 01:17

Live in northern England where our local community is fortunately very tolerant towards non white folks..

The worst racist comments/actions I ever experienced was in London. Was traveling to kings cross on a train and there was a bunch of teenage boys on the platform. As soon as I got down from the train, they started yelling p*i b**ch , go back to your country! Felt really unsafe as I was traveling alone and there were atleast 8-10 boys!

Though from South East Asia, I am not very brown. Considerably fair brunette and have faced weird looks as though how I can be so fair coming from where I am from🤷🏻‍♀️

Mydogmybestfriend · 12/10/2023 01:40

I have had about 5ish since a child

MooseBreath · 12/10/2023 07:32

It sounds like a lot of it is having derogatory terms shouted from complete strangers and being told to "go home". The arrogance it must take for someone to do this astounds me.

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Goodnightythen · 12/10/2023 08:15

Merryoldgoat · 12/10/2023 00:17

Oh yes. By the beauty of genetics my younger son is blonde, blue eyed and very fair skinned. Endless questions about ‘how’ that happened.

Same here.. I get mistaken for the nanny!

DomPom47 · 14/10/2023 08:06

Discrimination happens everywhere and it’s disgusting. My husband is from Turkey and is Kurdish, his sect of Islam is Alevi and the discrimination they face is disgusting. You then have people of Turkish Sunni origin/belief saying oh no that wasn’t racism and try to lay the discrimination at your feet and literally gaslight you. It all starts with our young people and bringing them up to be tolerant and strong enough to call out discrimination be that race based or sex based or anything else.

MooseBreath · 14/10/2023 13:07

There is definitely a lot of gaslighting. I've seen that with Judaism a lot. "Jews are always bringing up the Holocaust, it happened ages ago. People just don't like the whingeing" is a big one. It was in the last century and plenty of our relatives were victims... it's not "whingeing" and certainly doesn't excuse the xenophobia.

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