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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask about your experiences with racism?

125 replies

MooseBreath · 11/10/2023 22:40

I will preface this by saying that I am white and do not look like a minority. I am, however, Jewish. I have experienced anti-Semitism on a few occasions. Whenever I have spoken with friends about my experience, they have been surprised that this happened.

My childhood best friend (half Jamaican) was recently telling me about how she experienced racism on many occasions growing up in our predominantly white hometown . I am embarrassed to say that not once did I notice it happening.

I think it may be helpful to people who haven't witnessed or experienced acts of intolerance to hear actual stories of it happening. Even the little things.

My experiences are as follows:

My parents were teachers in our local high school. My high school was very big on "tolerence" and preached about the importance Holocaust, inviting in loads of speakers and organising trips to Auschwitz. My mom was the only Jewish teacher in the school and this was common knowledge, as she had given a few speeches in assemblies. It is also important to note that my brothers and I attended the school, so it was also common knowledge where we lived.

On one occasion, she gave a bad grade to one of her students who repeatedly didn't hand in his work. The student targeted our home for the next few months. We would receive phone calls in the middle of the night, playing traditional Jewish music. We would have crude drawings of "stereotypical" Jews in our mailbox. We had our house egged on many occasions, often with raw bacon left outside the front door. Though we weren't kosher and were very much secular, the intent was very clear. The student (who we knew was the perpetrator through other students at the school) never faced any consequences. We had no proof who was doing this to our family. But the feeling of being targeted due to our birth religion was so scary.

I now live in the East of England and while nothing has been personally targeted at me or my family, there have been many instances of graffitied swastikas on pathways and buildings. I have seen people talking about Jews being at fault for the Israel-Palestine conflict when protesting for a Free Palestine (which for the record, I am for, along with all the other Jewish people I know).

I figure if I am not even a visible minority and have experienced this, I can only begin to imagine the horrible things people of colour have learned to live with. Maybe if we talk about the incidents we have experienced, we can move forward more quickly.

OP posts:
OneTC · 14/10/2023 13:40

I'm white and OH is Tamil. Her experiences range from minor annoyances like being asked where you're really from through to being physically attacked whilst attackers shouted racist abuse about the Taliban.

Finteq · 14/10/2023 13:47

Very young,early 20's in age. Sat on a bus minding my own business.

Being asked if I'm wearing a bomb under my jacket while he was laughing by a neanderthal. No one said anything.

That's just one of many.

nc10q924870148u12q · 14/10/2023 13:50

Every time a South Asian business opens up and makes 'new business' posts on our local FB page people are quick to say that it's a front for money laundering. Depressing.
Also when out with white DH in certain areas we get quite a few stares..!

Finteq · 14/10/2023 13:55

Patient complimented on my English. Well done! My spoken English is really good apparently.

Never mind I'm born in England. Raised in England. Went to University in England and now work in England.

But I'm so glad I've got his approval now. I carry it with me like a badge of honour🙄

Knitgoodwoman · 14/10/2023 13:55

Why do such a large % think the Op is unreasonable?! All racism and discrimination is awful, regardless of race or religion.

PinkMoscatoLover · 14/10/2023 14:03

BananaSlug · 12/10/2023 00:18

I’m mixed race (black / white) and the only racism I have experienced has been from black people.

How do you mean? If you’re happy to share your story of course

PinkMoscatoLover · 14/10/2023 14:05

SaySomethingMan · 12/10/2023 00:18

i agee with this.

The post could do with a trigger warning regarding lived experienced of racism. It can be very triggering to just read.

The title literally says, ‘To ask about your experiences with racism?’ What did you think the post was going to be about? You don’t need a trigger warning when the title is self explanatory, just a bit of common sense

MatchaLattes · 14/10/2023 14:29

When I lived in Germany/Denmark, I've had people pull up the corner of their eyes into a slanted-eye shape and say things like "Ching Chong".

I've never experienced that in Britain at least. Here, it's generally a bit more "low-key", for lack of a better word.

Everyone assumes that people who look like me are all from China. I tell them I'm not from China. They say things like "oh well it's still Asia they're all more or less the same".

When at pubs with my friends, I've had people make "mail order bride" jokes. Misogyny and racism aside, the geographical ignorance is just astounding because, as much as it may come as a shock to those people, not all countries in Asia are steeped in poverty where women willingly prostitute themselves to foreigners to escape their circumstances.

I've had people say "ni hao" to me. I know they probably meant it as a nice gesture but you don't see me going around saying "Привет" to any vaguely Eastern European looking person!

I understand this is all very minor and frivolous compared to what many people experience. It is extremely grating though.

dellesapples · 14/10/2023 15:36

I'm black and yeah I've experienced so much racism from every race...

I can't even say it's only whites that are the main perpetrators as white is such an umbrella term....

I've been followed around in shops so many times.. by Asian and black security guards mainly and I confronted one the other day and he denied it but he was so blatant obviously doesn't want to lose his job 🤷‍♀️

My kids are mixed race and whilst we were in the countryside in a holiday park a group of people muttered loudly about 'f-ing mongrels' I knew they were talking about my kids, hubby didn't hear otherwise he would of confronted them. Also same place had cars 🚗 try full of white people drive dangerously close to us to intimidate... just generally made to feel uncomfortable and unwelcome- don't get me wrong there were some lovely people there but your always going to remember the bad as it's more upsetting!

nc10q924870148u12q · 14/10/2023 15:37

Another one - went to Brussels recently and EVERY night, without fail, we had people in cars catcall us with our nationalities.
'Chinois' (Chinese), 'Thailande'. We were a mixed group of various South-East Asian ethnicities.

I've been all over Europe but never experienced that.

Put me right off. The Capital of the EU!

The 'interesting' things is that the catcallers weren't white.

dellesapples · 14/10/2023 15:38

dellesapples · 14/10/2023 15:36

I'm black and yeah I've experienced so much racism from every race...

I can't even say it's only whites that are the main perpetrators as white is such an umbrella term....

I've been followed around in shops so many times.. by Asian and black security guards mainly and I confronted one the other day and he denied it but he was so blatant obviously doesn't want to lose his job 🤷‍♀️

My kids are mixed race and whilst we were in the countryside in a holiday park a group of people muttered loudly about 'f-ing mongrels' I knew they were talking about my kids, hubby didn't hear otherwise he would of confronted them. Also same place had cars 🚗 try full of white people drive dangerously close to us to intimidate... just generally made to feel uncomfortable and unwelcome- don't get me wrong there were some lovely people there but your always going to remember the bad as it's more upsetting!

The people at the holiday park were mainly English and travellers type of people.

nc10q924870148u12q · 14/10/2023 15:42

dellesapples · 14/10/2023 15:36

I'm black and yeah I've experienced so much racism from every race...

I can't even say it's only whites that are the main perpetrators as white is such an umbrella term....

I've been followed around in shops so many times.. by Asian and black security guards mainly and I confronted one the other day and he denied it but he was so blatant obviously doesn't want to lose his job 🤷‍♀️

My kids are mixed race and whilst we were in the countryside in a holiday park a group of people muttered loudly about 'f-ing mongrels' I knew they were talking about my kids, hubby didn't hear otherwise he would of confronted them. Also same place had cars 🚗 try full of white people drive dangerously close to us to intimidate... just generally made to feel uncomfortable and unwelcome- don't get me wrong there were some lovely people there but your always going to remember the bad as it's more upsetting!

Discourse in the UK always pits 'white' against 'BAME' but it's really not that simple!
I'm a mix of various races, one great-granddad Black from what is today South Africa the way South Asians talk about Black people is disgusting. Quite a few members of my family think they're lazy/scammers. =.=

As an interviewer clear racism from other Asian people towards Black candidates and I had to tell them off. In a professional environment.

FGS.

The stories I could tell...

dentydown · 14/10/2023 15:50

A bit of an odd one. We are white. I’m vegan, my little girl is vegetarian by choice (her brother tricked her into eating chicken and she cried for 30 minutes). I cater for non vegetarians in the family as well. She is registered as veggie at school.

the school served her a meat dish which she got stressed about. They said “it’s because they needed to save the veg dishes for the religious children”. when I objected I was told I couldn’t do anything about it because “we were not religious vegetarians”

the same went for her cooking class. They put her on a meat table because the vegetarian table was full of “religious vegetarians” so she had to cook with meat.

i really didn’t know where I stood with that situation! I suppose it may not be racism, perhaps discrimination of some sort.

dellesapples · 14/10/2023 15:55

dentydown · 14/10/2023 15:50

A bit of an odd one. We are white. I’m vegan, my little girl is vegetarian by choice (her brother tricked her into eating chicken and she cried for 30 minutes). I cater for non vegetarians in the family as well. She is registered as veggie at school.

the school served her a meat dish which she got stressed about. They said “it’s because they needed to save the veg dishes for the religious children”. when I objected I was told I couldn’t do anything about it because “we were not religious vegetarians”

the same went for her cooking class. They put her on a meat table because the vegetarian table was full of “religious vegetarians” so she had to cook with meat.

i really didn’t know where I stood with that situation! I suppose it may not be racism, perhaps discrimination of some sort.

That's not racism! This thread is about people racism experiences- I guess anything to feel included right?

BananaSlug · 14/10/2023 15:56

PinkMoscatoLover · 14/10/2023 14:03

How do you mean? If you’re happy to share your story of course

In what way? Do you not believe black people can be racist to mixed race people? The only racist comments I have ever received have been from black people (women) towards me, started in secondary school.

Warum · 14/10/2023 15:57

dellesapples · 14/10/2023 15:55

That's not racism! This thread is about people racism experiences- I guess anything to feel included right?

I agree this isn't racism.

I do think it's a separate issue and no vegetarian, for whatever reason, should be forced to handle/eat meat. It looks like they are prioritising religious reasons for vegetarianism over other reasons.

PinkMoscatoLover · 14/10/2023 15:58

BananaSlug · 14/10/2023 15:56

In what way? Do you not believe black people can be racist to mixed race people? The only racist comments I have ever received have been from black people (women) towards me, started in secondary school.

I was literally just asking of your experience. I have no clue why you’ve just jumped down my throat so forget I even asked

Splitscreened · 14/10/2023 16:03

After 25 years of being Irish in England, and experiencing everything from casual anti-Irish comments, accusations of being in the IRA, professional discrimination, to being pulled aside in airports and ferry ports etc etc etc , I try to look on it as a learning experience that occasionally lets me have a tiny glimpse around the edge of white privilege.

Actually, it was eye-opening to understand that for a certain minority of white lower-middle-class people, white Irish people are not quite white.

(God knows what they make of Irish people who aren’t white — that probably causes some kind of rip in their space-time continuum.)

Stylestuck · 14/10/2023 16:03

Knitgoodwoman · 14/10/2023 13:55

Why do such a large % think the Op is unreasonable?! All racism and discrimination is awful, regardless of race or religion.

I would guess because the OP is Jewish and, in the words of David Baddiel - Jews Don’t Count. His documentary on channel 4 is very insightful and discusses how racism against Jews is continually overlooked for various reasons. I recommend it.

I am Jewish and have experienced various things. Abuse shouted at me whilst wearing a tshirt with Hebrew writing on it as a teenager at a Jewish summer camp (fuck the Yids, is what was said if I recall), continual jokes at university that I would never pay for a round because I’m a Jew and Jews are tight.

Yazo · 14/10/2023 16:03

I think what you're highlighting is something quite specific and that's the lived experience of someone with white privilege but a non-white ethnicity and I hope you don't mind describing Judaism in that way but I've heard people describe it as an ethnicity not just a religion so I genuinely don't want to cause offence. I have a black African grandparent and as such people assume I'm white but like others on here witness racism or a comfort with discrimination when people think they're in white company. There's also the micro aggressions that are common and I don't know if I've experienced racism, not overtly but in hindsight if I got through 30 years of my life with an African name and a mixed race parent with no-one being a bit racist or making comments in private I'm either very optimistic or a bit deluded. Then there's the pain that comes from racism to people who are your people and more overtly 'othered' just because it's not directed at you doesn't make it easier to deal with when you know someone called your dad a n or your brother a p. I don't know what it's like to be Jewish but how can it not hurt to see Jews persecuted, schools with security and the horrors of the Holocaust. Racism isn't a competition, it's a zero sum game. Your thoughts and experience are valid, by talking about them you're not saying they're worse than someone else's. As for sharing, to be honest I don't think posts like this make a difference, what makes a difference is people educating themselves. None of this is new, my grandparents had a mixed race relationship in the 1950s. Its nearly 100 years from WWII and people accept a certain degree of antisemitism. It's dangerous to think we're more enlightened these days because it's not really true.

Brightlyshining · 14/10/2023 16:07

I’m Jewish, and I’ve experienced antisemitism from people of all colours.

dellesapples · 14/10/2023 16:12

What about the Jews who dislike brown or black people??! Because I'm sure I've experienced prejudices in the past from a Jew. But unless they are in full garb I wouldn't know what their background was as Judaism is a religion not much of an ethnicity but there you go

Brightlyshining · 14/10/2023 16:13

dellesapples · 14/10/2023 16:12

What about the Jews who dislike brown or black people??! Because I'm sure I've experienced prejudices in the past from a Jew. But unless they are in full garb I wouldn't know what their background was as Judaism is a religion not much of an ethnicity but there you go

As Yazo said above: Racism isn't a competition, it's a zero sum game.

Danikm151 · 14/10/2023 16:16

I’m mixed race. White and Pakistani.
I’m not a muslim.
At school I was bullied for not being a muslim even though I’m brown.
During a the Paris bombings about 9/10 years ago, I got asked if I was gonna bomb the nightclub I was in.
Working at a bar I was asked if I was allowed to work there. ( by another brown person- he was Sikh so did drink)
Referred to as a paki on numerous occasions. Also a Waki. 😡
My own family-“I don’t see you as brown, you’re white to me”

Things nowadays things aren’t as bad but there are small micro unconscious biases that present that annoy me:
getting a sausage roll in greggs- there’s no vegan ones is that ok- that’s fine I ordered a regular one- but it’s pork- yes I’m aware.
Asking if I’ll be off for Eid at work.
People presume to know your religion based on the colour of your skin.

Stylestuck · 14/10/2023 16:20

dellesapples · 14/10/2023 16:12

What about the Jews who dislike brown or black people??! Because I'm sure I've experienced prejudices in the past from a Jew. But unless they are in full garb I wouldn't know what their background was as Judaism is a religion not much of an ethnicity but there you go

If Judaism is a religion as opposed to a race/ethnicity then how do you explain why, for example, the NHS currently have a BRCA testing programme specifically for Ashkenazi Jews because they are so much more likely to develop breast cancer than a member of the general population? You can’t…because it is not just a religion. Just because you can’t physically tell by looking it doesn’t mean it is purely a religion. Such an ignorant comment