To ask about your experiences with racism?

[MooseBreath]

I will preface this by saying that I am white and do not look like a minority. I am, however, Jewish. I have experienced anti-Semitism on a few occasions. Whenever I have spoken with friends about my experience, they have been surprised that this happened.

My childhood best friend (half Jamaican) was recently telling me about how she experienced racism on many occasions growing up in our predominantly white hometown . I am embarrassed to say that not once did I notice it happening.

I think it may be helpful to people who haven't witnessed or experienced acts of intolerance to hear actual stories of it happening. Even the little things.

My experiences are as follows:

My parents were teachers in our local high school. My high school was very big on "tolerence" and preached about the importance Holocaust, inviting in loads of speakers and organising trips to Auschwitz. My mom was the only Jewish teacher in the school and this was common knowledge, as she had given a few speeches in assemblies. It is also important to note that my brothers and I attended the school, so it was also common knowledge where we lived.

On one occasion, she gave a bad grade to one of her students who repeatedly didn't hand in his work. The student targeted our home for the next few months. We would receive phone calls in the middle of the night, playing traditional Jewish music. We would have crude drawings of "stereotypical" Jews in our mailbox. We had our house egged on many occasions, often with raw bacon left outside the front door. Though we weren't kosher and were very much secular, the intent was very clear. The student (who we knew was the perpetrator through other students at the school) never faced any consequences. We had no proof who was doing this to our family. But the feeling of being targeted due to our birth religion was so scary.

I now live in the East of England and while nothing has been personally targeted at me or my family, there have been many instances of graffitied swastikas on pathways and buildings. I have seen people talking about Jews being at fault for the Israel-Palestine conflict when protesting for a Free Palestine (which for the record, I am for, along with all the other Jewish people I know).

I figure if I am not even a visible minority and have experienced this, I can only begin to imagine the horrible things people of colour have learned to live with. Maybe if we talk about the incidents we have experienced, we can move forward more quickly.

I’m white British from a historically very white area. I used to work in an entirely white, male dominated industry. I was always amazed at the way a minority of white men would come out with racist shit in full confidence that the people around them, being also white, would be just fine with that!

My stock response became a cheery “I didn’t know you were a racist Tom!” - and weirdly they always took offence.

Of course I'm not one to discount anybody's lived but experience but given that London has a large majority of various ethnicities I find it very strange that many were so openly racist. Not sure where you lived but many areas are populated with a single ethnicity. Harrow is mostly Indians, my Sikh friend lived near Windsor, went to Sikh school etc. It would be a bit odd for people to travel to the temple just to leave sausages.

If anything it's getting harder for Sikh people to find things they can eat because you cannot eat ritually slaughtered meat, but so many places are going halal.

Most European capitals don't have people being openly racist but it's completely different even in nearby suburbs. Personally I've found the UK the 'least' racist. But also diversity, multiculturism etc etc are a thing here, presumably because by colonising other countries and teaching us English they contributed to migration. Just like France.

Other European countries think they're being invaded by others through 'no fault' of their own.... and people have to integrate.. they need migrants due to the low birth rate but they're not very happy about it.

DH wants to move to an EU country but I'm in two minds about it. I don't know if I want to deal with those levels of racism all over again.

Ah, I do enjoy it when victims of racism are
told they’re liars, love a bit of racist gas lighting on a Saturday night.

My scariest experience was being followed by a group of men who were shouting the N word.

The other most notable one was well-meaning and misguided. When I was in Primary school I believe my school wanted funding for helping Afro Caribbean students. I was removed from top table and put on the bottom one (like sets but in one class) and was told I was there to help the others. I didn’t think anything of it but another parent mentioned it to my Mum who sorted it.

The rest is just the typical day to day nonsense. Being compared to chocolate, jokes about drug dealing, online dating was a minefield of fetishisers etc. The fact I can speak English properly is commented on often. I am in no way an exception in this both in the UK or abroad. Jamaican Standard English for example, (different to Patois) is slightly antiquated and I always feel so ineloquent in comparison so it really does piss me off.

I'm eastern European (6 mixes) hubby is black caribbean. We currently have 3 children and one on the way.

As a couple we have experienced racism from.both black and white people. My eldest daughter has also experienced racism

Let's start off with me with.

• why are you with a black man (from both white and black people) *you don't look like there mum(talking about my eldest 2 daughters) *your white so stick with your own race
• your a cracker or a honky

I could go on

Hubby experience:
*go back to your own country
*stick with your own race
*being called a monkey and other names I won't say.
*the looks he gets from both races is absolutely shocking.
*your a thug
*big nose and big lips

I could also go on.

Eldest daughter experience:

*go back home to your country

• she has been called a Bush monkey because of her hair *big nose and big lips

I seriously could go on..
This country/world is so racist its unbelievable.. we all bleed the same. We are all human. Only difference is the colour of our skin. We should all be happy for one another.

Hi OP, so sorry to hear of what happened to you and your family. Absolutely shocking. And thank you for starting this thread, I agree we need to share our experiences more.

I have lived 20 years in London and same years in the suburbs. All the racism I have experienced has been out of London.

I moved to a place that carries the reputation of being a 'nica' area, good schools etc

I don't look Asian at all and present as sort of Mediterranean. So experienced a lot of people asking 'no, where are you really from'

Also lots of micro aggressions.

The one that upsets me the most is when I was out having coffee and cake with 10 month old DS. An elderly white lady walked past and put her rubbish in front of him and walked off. I was so shocked I didn't say anything. This was in a John Lewis restaurant, the last place I'd expect to experience this sort of behaviour.

I got fed up and moved back to London.

Sorry to hear that happened. Do you mind if I ask which town/area in the suburbs you were in? I'm asking because I left London last year to move up North for personal reasons with a view of moving back soon, but instead of moving back home to Zone 2, I'm planning on moving to a London suburb.

As a visibly Muslim woman lots and lots of instances I can’t begin to recount. The main one tho when I was young maybe about 13 years old I was running an errand for my mum, I crossed the road and a white man in a car purposely sped up and swerved trying to run me over whilst yelling p**i at me, he missed and nearly drove into a lamppost.

My dc have experienced pretty horrific racism, my eldest is at uni studying medicine and was threatened with having her hijab pulled off and told she was disgusting for eating food with her hands, and the students she shared halls with repeatedly left the kitchen floor sticky with alcohol telling her if she had a problem with it she should clean it up, and making life generally unbearable for her. She was eventually moved from the student halls by the university as it got so bad.

being called a terrorist, being refused a ride by a taxi in the pouring rain with my children.

it’s every day, I don’t even notice the smaller things anymore, and have very little expectations from people to behave with a modicum of humanity.

I grew up in London.
I've been called a white bi*, a honky etc.
I went to a very multicultural school. I remember at 15 getting intentionally left out of a group because 'I didn't know what is was like to be black'.
At work i worked in a very mullticultural
Environment (council). I used to get left out of lunch meet ups a lot. I used to hear lots of racist comments against English people and the culture here etc

A terrible thing no matter when it happened but ‘in the last century’ distances it. It is still in living memory.

I’m not Jewish and the rise of neonazism scares me. I can’t imagine what it is like for you.

So interesting that there are mixed opinions of London being accepting. Possibly different areas could be more prone to racism.

When I first moved to the UK, I stayed in a small East Ham hostel with a friend (it was dirt cheap). We got dressed up to find a restaurant at around 8pm and when we walked past the tiny reception area, the man on reception asked where we were going. When we said "just wandering," he said "no you're not. It's not a safe place to wander for people like you," and proceeded to help us order in a takeaway. I don't know if it's because we were young, women, or because we were white. I had actually forgotten about this happening!

I have never experienced racism directly, but I think I have been, unintentionally, guilty of it.

For example, I find myself a little 'nervous' around people who may be of a different ethnicity, because I am frightened that my actions may be perceived as racist or judgemental. Once I get to know the people as individuals, the nervousness goes.

I find myself being a little 'careful' when I talk about, for example, the history of the English language, because I will have to cover colonialism, oppression and so on. These are historical facts, but they need culturally sensitive presentation and an awareness of context.

I am aware that if I emulate certain accents or varieties of English when singing or reciting poetry, I may be accused of cultural appropriation and if I do not, I may be accused of Anglocentrism.

I fail to completely understand the notion of 'white privilege'. I accept it in theory, but my lived experience is anything but 'privileged'. In know I am confusing generalised with subjective experience, but in this country, there are many factors that relate to privilege including class, wealth, location, health and disability etc.

Yet, I accept that, as a member of the majority ethnicity, I have not experienced direct racist abuse or indirect racial discrimination. The feelings I experience arise from a wider societal reflection on the past, and awareness of multiculturalism. I think we have some way to go before we have a level playing field for all ethnicities, and I really believe the self consciousness that I and possibly other white people may feel, is just part of the last stages of our transition from a very racially divisive past.

That said, abuse of any kind should never be tolerated.

White privilege only means that you have privilege in that specific way, you will never be judged for your skin colour, no assumptions will be made about your person because of your skin colour. It doesn’t mean you will live a life of success or wealth. Everyone has some kind of privilege, whether it’s because of being able bodied, heterosexual etc, the chances are that there will be some scenario in which you find yourself in the majority and there will be some level of privilege. In essence the privilege is not being abused because of it, so it doesn’t feel like it exists because you don’t know what it’s like to be on the other side of it. It’s the absence of something bad rather than the addition of something good

@rolllofthunder I think by recognising that you are privileged purely by being born white (myself as well), you are part of the solution, not the problem. You are conscious that you could cause offence. It can be difficult knowing what is and isn't appropriate to say sometimes, especially when there is no intention to be derogatory or judgemental.

If you work in education, you should have a better understanding of white privilege. And what do you mean about being accused of cultural appropriation if ‘emulating certain accents or varieties of English when singing or reciting’ or ‘Anglocentrism’ if not?

So many awful things here but Fruitsndclottedcream - WTF ‘mixies’ I can’t believe they said that aloud without hearing their lack of everything.

A refugee friend of mine was stopped and assaulted by the police yet again a few days ago. His crime, being young black male. It re/traumatises him every time. He has cptsd and this reinforces it.

I'm white British so I haven't experienced anything directed at me, but I have heard loads. I work in the NHS and the stuff people say is shocking. Both patients and staff, and of all ages. It is often done behind my colleagues backs which pisses me off.

I'm not a confrontational person and I'm not good at directly speaking up against it but I refuse to engage with anyone who is saying this crap and walk away.

This why I like the word prejudice- it covers incidents where words like racist and xenophobia etc don’t apply.

I live in a country where I wasn’t born though I am the same colour but a different accent.

I have been told to f..k off home so many times I lost count.

The worst was being cornered in a shop by a man who literally screamed in my face and blocked me in with his fat body.

I regularly shopped in this place and I knew they had a security buzzer and cctv yet when I was imploring them to do something they pretended to be blind and deaf.

There were four other customers and they also suffered from sudden onset blindness and deafness.

I rang the police and they attended but the shop refused to say anything about the incident and claimed their cctv wasn’t working.

Police accepted this and wouldn’t even write down what I told them saying ‘he probably just had a bad day.’

I have had so many people justify this behaviour towards me by saying that’s not racism or looking vaguely blank and changing the subject.

It is so disheartening hearing all of your lived experiences, but thank you for sharing, as it can’t be easy recalling these and writing them down.
I am white British but my two eldest dc are dual heritage, their father is British born Chinese. My dd, more than my ds, has received many micro aggressions, so many people who really think it’s ok to say the things they do. She is constantly asked “where are you from? No, where are you really from”. And we live in a major city in the NW.
My ex, their father, experienced a lot of racism. We were judged as a couple, stared at. Once we were followed in the park by a group of white lads shouting racist slurs.
The shock on people’s faces when he spoke “oh my god he’s got an English accent!” And “I thought all Chinese people were quiet” he was a loud, gregarious person, but that didn’t fit people’s stereotype. This was in the 90’s, but even though I don’t experience personal racism, I see it rising these days. It never goes away, it hides beneath rocks, then something happens eg. Brexit, and they all come crawling back out assuming it’s acceptable to spout their vile views.

I'm white. I'm mixed white and middle eastern but I look very white when I'm not in the sun.

My daughter is mixed race- Black American father. He's not around.

She was born into a community of mostly Black and Hispanic Americans. The comments I got when she were born were so bad- 'that baby's not his, she's white', women commenting to me about liking black men, being made to feel I wasn't entitled to be her mum as I'm white and she was part of their community but not me.

Came back here alone, white woman at baby group asked me where her dad was from as 'she's very dark'. Me- 'America'.

I've had lots of people tell me how beautiful my daughter is and ask me if she's mine. 'No I'm just pushing this child around in a buggy whilst I do my weekly shop for a laugh'.

I was also made aware of local racism that I hadn't noticed before when my friend visited twice with her baby the same age who is white.

In a café a middle aged white woman came up to us and started cooing over my friend's son and saying how lovely he was, asking my friends loads of questions about their son and completely ignored my child, who was sitting right there at the same table.

I thought maybe it was a one off, but then the next time they visited we went to another café in the area and the same thing happened again- loads of attention for the one baby from a middle aged woman, but none for the other. Both sitting at the same table, in high chairs, same age and size, noise levels etc. Both equally cute.

Last week the children all got their reading books from school and my daughter's was a book about a black child from America dreaming of living in Africa. It was way advanced for her age (reception) and I asked the other parents and their children got simple age appropriate books about ducks and stuff. I told the teacher we wouldn't read it because it's a sensitive topic and would make my child feel different. I think they were 'trying' but it came across badly to me.

Oh and another thing I get personally, is constantly told that I must need to remember sunscreen especially because of my freckles. 'no I'm part middle eastern, I tan very well'. And then people not believing me and arguing with me and boxing me into a completely white label and disregarding my heritage and arguing with me that I'm more Irish than middle eastern. 'no I've done my ancestry DNA, I definitely have more middle eastern DNA in me than irish'. Then going onto tell me that it's the same as them having some Nordic in their DNA going back generations. 'no I'm definitely part middle eastern I have actual family over there'.

Don't know why I should let their opinions bother me.

@Cosycardigans ‘Came back here alone, white woman at baby group asked me where her dad was from as 'she's very dark'. Me- 'America'.

Yes I got this a lot too when out with my eldest children when they were little. Being half Chinese and being with me, their white mother. People just had to probe all of the time and comment on how dark they were and look at me expectantly to explain why.

@rolllofthunder
I fail to completely understand the notion of 'white privilege'. I accept it in theory, but my lived experience is anything but 'privileged'

I agree that social class is a big thing in the UK. I am mixed race and I have had lots more opportunities (career wise) than my white working class dad because a lot of 'diversity' programmes specifically ask for non-White applicants to apply. You could argue that things have changed since he was in his 20s (I'm in my 20s and he had me in his early 20s). However, white working class are still often not considered for these 'diversity' programmes.

I still apply but I feel uncomfortable that I am being considered for the role due to not only my high grades, but my race.

Yes, white working class men/boys are hugely disadvantaged, particularly in relation to education. Obviously not because of their ethnicity though. I think it’s a shame that so many organisations struggle to consider social class/education, which are probably bigger determinants of wellbeing than ethnicity (in this country). I sometimes wonder whether it is a bit cynical - social class is hard to pin down and the education gap is difficult to bridge.