To stop giving DS snacks?

[MooseBreath]

DS is 3.5 and slightly taller than average and thin (can see ribs, no protruding tummy or baby fat). He is also quite heavy... When HV weighed him, she made him step on the scale three times because she couldn't believe the weight matched the child.

He does not eat his lunch or dinner about 50 percent of the time, but always eats breakfast. He is constantly asking for snacks. I limit them to one in the morning and one in the afternoon in the hopes that he will eat his lunch or dinner. Water is available all day without question. Below is a typical day...

Breakfast: Bowl of Cheerios in milk, pear and grapes.
Pester for snack x3
Snack: Granola bar
Pester for snack x3
Lunch: Macaroni cheese, slice of ham, carrot sticks, broccoli, apple juice (refused 25% of the time)
Pester for snack x3
Snack: Chocolate rice crackers and yogurt
Pester for snack x3
Dinner: Chicken with gravy, rice, and sweetcorn, glass of milk (refused 75% of the time)
Pester for snack x3
Tantrum about being hungry

I don't offer alternatives to meals, but never give DS food that I know he hates. There is always 1-2 "safe" foods on his plate, and others are things he has either never tried or has eaten and been ok with in the past.

Is this normal? This has been our system for as long as he can remember. AIBU to cut the snacks from his day? I don't know how else to get him to eat meals. What would you do?

It doesn't sound like the snacks are the issues tbh. If he's hungry then one snack before lunch and one before dinner won't stop him eating

It sounds like he has an issue eating at meal times. What do you expect of him? Does he struggle to sit at the table?

He sits with his brother (12m) and I for meals. Small portions on plate with extra if he wants it. It's generally not a stressful environment, and whenever he's called to the table for a meal, he rushes in happily. I expect reasonable manners (sitting nicely, no pouring drinks on plate, or spitting food out), but we chat during mealtimes.

That sounds like a delicious menu and you have a great way of writing.

I tended to just offer really, really boring snacks - bread sticks, cream crackers, oatcakes. If they were genuinely hungry they'd eat them but if not they wouldn't bother.

Not touching some meals was normal for us for a long time but cutting snacks seems sensible. You could also bring meals forward and start heating up untouched food from the previous meal rather than giving him sweet stuff for snacks.

The fact he is not underweight gives you a lot more leeway on this one.

My sense is that the snacks are all high in sugar and may promote cravings. Swap for plainer snacks or something protein-based or with more fibre e.g. humus and plain rice cakes, pieces of cheese, slices of apple with peanut butter, wholegrain toast.

I agree with others, i'd be offering "boring" snacks and making it clear there's no alternative available. If he's not underweight, i wouldn't be worrying too much, some kids just have less appetite.

Also reoffer what he didn't eat for the meal.

I’d change the snacks.

Instead of giving him a granola bar or chocolate rice crackers, give him something that would have been part of his lunch or dinner such as carrot sticks, or sweet corn.

See how that goes and then try giving only fruit or veggies for treats (but keep an eye on the sugar content).

We stopped giving DS (3) snacks as soon as he stopped eating meals, it definitely helped although he's a lot more snackish following a preschool day.

Do you make DS have his snacks at the table too - my son definitely liked the "eating in the living room" aspect of snacking.

Removing all snacky things from view i.e. not on worktops/visible in fridge really helped to reduce how much he pestered for them too.

Can you offer the meal as a snack?

I've turned in to my mum, the snacks I offer are generally boring snacks like crackers, carrot sticks or fruit unless the actual meals have been eaten as well. Then she can have something a bit more exciting.

I'd say the snacks you are offering are on the mote sugary side (even chocolate rice cakes has a lot in) so children will generally sway towards that. Granola bars are also quite sugary. You can make alternatives to granola bars at home with some oats, butter, honey, and blueberries. When I started offering these instead of shop bought granola bars, it's amazing the speed that DD decided she'd rather eat her meals!

Maybe porridge with banana before bed? We give snacks but not within the 1 hour before a proper meal. They're plain rice cakes, apple slices, cheese squares, breadsticks, veg sticks and hummus.

Mine is also on the very low end of the weight range for height/age though he does eat his meals. And we followed the advise to give full fat milk, which he drinks and has in cereal/porridge... but is still very slim!!

I did find that doing a smaller amount for meals seemed to work better as mine would eat 25% if there was a lot on plate, if I gave half the amount then he would eat it all (so eating more really) and I steadily increased the amount of food. But again he remains very slim despite the deserts he consumes after meals too!

We also sometimes do "picnic dinners" that are still balanced meals but presented in a more snack oriented way...if this makes sense. So instead of a big plate of food it feels more like grazing and fits the way that DD might choose to eat if she's having a tricky day (she's a similar age).

His base diet could be better - Cheerios are empty calories, granola bars are unhealthy, choc rice cakes fairly pointless.

I let mine have toast & butter, plain yogurt, fruit/veg for snacks and didn't limit. If they didn't eat their dinner it was their choice.

What line is he on in his red book? HVs can be quite unscientific, I would ignore her reaction and focus on your child.

He is in the 75th centile for height, 93rd for weight.

Are Cheerios really that bad? They're not sugary ones, they're multigrain.

I don't have the budget for unlimited fruit and veg.

I will try swapping the more sugary snacks for more plain ones.

Cheerios and pretty much all cereal are ultra processed. Would he eat porridge, a bag of porridge oats is so much cheaper and healthier.

Pestering for snacks and then not eating meals is agonising, I totally sympathise as mine do it. I've not fixed it but found giving less and more boring snacks for a while has improved matters.

I offer 'boring' snacks like carrot/cucumber/pepper/fruit/plain crackers-and they tend to only have a bit of that whereas if I offered something more exciting then they'll eat all of it and pester for more.

Breakfast cereals, even multigrain ones like the cheerios, are weirdly high in sugar. I never knew this and have stopped eating them myself as I was always hungry about an hour after breakfast. Kids still have them though! But again, boring ones like weetabix.

Is this not just normal toddler eating behaviour? Or do I need to start panicking too? My DD is nearly 3 and she much prefers breakfast cereal and snacks to the ‘real food’.
I tend to feed her fruit for snacks as much as possible and try to make dinner early enough that there’s no question of an afternoon snack beforehand (although she still asks).

Agree with PP saying boring snacks.

Cheerios are a funny one as you see them recommended a lot as baby snacks but that’s usually in the US- can they pick up a cheerio is even a question on one of the developmental stages reviews (12 months maybe, I forget). Compared to the US version though the British variant though contains about 5 times at much sugar. So not ideal. But meh, there are worse things. I let my kids eat them and they happily eat their meals.

Can you keep some of his meals back and offer them at other times?

So no fruit with breakfast but he can have it as a snack mid morning? Carrot sticks and hummus or an apple for afternoon snack? If his lunch is OK to save (eg sandwich) or re-heatable then if he doesn't eat it, can you bring it back out and offer it to him later?

Does he drink enough (not confusing hunger and thirst?). Is there anything you can do to try and emphasise the 1 snack in the morning, 1 snack in the evening rule (eg get them ready in the morning and show him them, he gets something he really likes eg TV show if he can get through the whole morning without asking for more).

Do you need to tweak mealtimes eg eat later, if you are having an early lunch?

Look at the nutritional information for cereal. Most of them are high in carbs and sugar. The serving size is 30g and nobody I know just eats one serving size of cereal. You should focus on giving him more protein as it promotes satiety. So far his breakfast is bascially carbs and sugar with the exception of milk. Egg scramble, boiled eggs with toast, porridge with nuts would all be a much more balanced meal.
You say you don't have budget for unlimited fruits and veg but the snacks you are feeding him are expensive. A granola bar is around £2. You can buy a bag of apples for this price or two bags of carrots which will last a week.

I think reducing snacks, making them more boring and planning them in could work well. So snacks are always fruit (cheap fruit like satsumas, apples and bananas) or breadsticks and always at 10 am and 3 pm. Then if he pesters for snacks from 9am you can remind him it's not snack time yet. We also always do snacks at the table so that there's no wandering around eating mindlessly, it's always quite focused then get down. We also keep mealtimes and snack times quite fixed.

I know my nieces have eaten better with their parents stopping snacks but they're a bit older, a 3 yo may still need something between meals.

It could also work to do a higher protein breakfast - a bit more expensive than cereal but if your snack budget goes down it could balance out:
Scrambled egg and toast
Egg in the hole (use a cookie cutter to cut a hole in a slice of bread, crack an egg in and fry it)
Eggy bread (DD is 2.5 and loves this - she also loves whisking the egg and dunking the bread in)
Prob a weekend one depending on how much time you have but homemade pancakes/waffles with greek yoghurt, banana and maybe a drizzle of honey/maple syrup
Little muffins made with ham, cheese and whisked egg

Oh and carrots are great and the aldi mini cucumbers aren't too expensive. If he needs extra for a snack, DD sometimes has a chunk of cheese.

To be fair he may just be a grazer which I was told was normal, with my toddler she has her breakfast when she gets up and then she has lunch but if she doesn’t eat it all I just stick it on her little table and she can help herself to it if she’s hungry, I’ve found this works better for her.

He’s not underweight - he’s fine. His eating habits sound like every 3 year old I’ve ever encountered. By all means make his breakfast a bit more varied - cereal every other day, maybe, do a scrambled egg or porridge or whatever - and make the snacks more boring but I wouldn’t worry. It’s how they are - loads of kids want more for breakfast than lunch and more for lunch than dinner. So the trick is to get the best nutrition in early doors. Just serve smaller portions/let them choose how much on the plate at other meals and try not to worry.