To stop giving DS snacks?

[MooseBreath]

DS is 3.5 and slightly taller than average and thin (can see ribs, no protruding tummy or baby fat). He is also quite heavy... When HV weighed him, she made him step on the scale three times because she couldn't believe the weight matched the child.

He does not eat his lunch or dinner about 50 percent of the time, but always eats breakfast. He is constantly asking for snacks. I limit them to one in the morning and one in the afternoon in the hopes that he will eat his lunch or dinner. Water is available all day without question. Below is a typical day...

Breakfast: Bowl of Cheerios in milk, pear and grapes.
Pester for snack x3
Snack: Granola bar
Pester for snack x3
Lunch: Macaroni cheese, slice of ham, carrot sticks, broccoli, apple juice (refused 25% of the time)
Pester for snack x3
Snack: Chocolate rice crackers and yogurt
Pester for snack x3
Dinner: Chicken with gravy, rice, and sweetcorn, glass of milk (refused 75% of the time)
Pester for snack x3
Tantrum about being hungry

I don't offer alternatives to meals, but never give DS food that I know he hates. There is always 1-2 "safe" foods on his plate, and others are things he has either never tried or has eaten and been ok with in the past.

Is this normal? This has been our system for as long as he can remember. AIBU to cut the snacks from his day? I don't know how else to get him to eat meals. What would you do?

1130 is early for lunch unless has to be and pre school for 12;30

I would stop snacks or make literally fruit or bread stick

You give too many nice sugary snacks so if he doesn't eat much he knows will get a nice snack

My daughter is slightly younger (2.5) but exactly the same.
Always eats breakfast usually weetabix
hardly ever eats lunch
sometimes eats dinner
constantly looking for snacks.. I think it’s normal toddler nonsense. I’ve got two older children who were just like this at 2/3 and now eat normally so I’m hoping this one sorts herself out too at some point.

@Blondeshavemorefun 11:30 is the time nursery gives DS lunch, so I am doing it for consistency. Schools also have lunch around then. I think for children who are up at 6am and in bed by 7pm, 11:30 is a reasonable time for lunch.

Maybe try a later lunch with you and family at weekend. May eat more /better

Just seems so early esp if have a snack

If mine don't finish a meal, it comes out at the next food time. Snack or meal, whatever is next.
Snacks are nearly always sitting somewhere, rarely roaming.
Oat based breakfast or toast only.

Our snacks are veg sticks. Bag carrots and cucumber easily do a week.

Offer savoury not sweet snacks only and see if anything changes

I would also change breakfast - porridge and fruit would be better than Cheerios - though I used to give Cheerios at 5am so we could stay in bed a bit longer so I can’t talk really

Breakfast is basically sugar, so I would expect he genuinely feels hungry when his blood glucose crashes, and then you give more sugary stuff... and so on.

Just changing breakfast to something proteiny and whole fruit (rather than sugary cereal and sugary juice) might make a significant difference to how the rest of the day pans out.

Well, I replaced snacks with the suggested alternatives (breadsticks in the morning and cheese and crackers in the afternoon). Snacks were at the table.

Today, DS had no lunch (chicken with gravy, rice, sweetcorn, and carrots) and no dinner (spaghetti Bolognese, peas, and cheese).

Could it be an issue with sauces / food touching? Lots of toddlers go through phases where they have an issue with that and prefer individual items which your snacks are but your meals aren’t.

Also.. from an anthropological perspective, meals and snacks are merely social constructs anyway. The structure in our culture (3 large meals and one or two small snacks) isn’t the only correct one. I’d serve food you’re happy for him to eat, and which he enjoys, at times he’s hungry versus telling him to eat when he’s not (if that makes sense, I wasn’t that chill with my own kids! But hindsight is 20/20 lol).

Lots of snacks and smaller meals are probably better for him at that age, he's only got a tiny tummy and learning to eat when he feels hungry is a good thing. So what if he doesn't eat a full dinner at the pre-ordained dinner time? As long as the snacks are varied and nutritious it's a perfectly viable way of eating.

@Chocolatepeanutbuttercupsandicecream We already have components separate for meals. The bolognese goes beside the fusilli, which goes beside the peas, which goes beside the cheese. I suppose the bolognese is a mixture, but it doesn't explain why he won't touch the plain pasta or cheese or peas!

We are going to start having snacks at the table to see if it makes a difference. I think PPs are right that he's not underweight and is healthy, so it's less of a worry that he's hunger striking.