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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To give up learning to drive even though I need to learn?

67 replies

HatingTheDriveButNeedTo · 10/10/2023 20:26

I’ve had 3 blocks of around 60 hours each with an instructor since I turned 18 (now in my mid 30s). Different instructor each block.

And I drive a car with a friend or family member between lessons, so I am practising.

I just can’t seem to get it. I seem to get it, and have 2 or 3 good lessons with my instructor and then it all comes crumbling down again and then I have several bad lessons and it knocks my confidence and then it’s like starting again and i have to relearn everything.

I don’t even enjoy it even when I’m going through a good patch with lessons.

The issue is my parents who I rely on for lifts/sitting in the car are both in their 70s and I have a disabled child I’m a single parent to who has a variety of appointments in various clinics and hospitals (although going through a quiet patch with appointments right now, but they’ll kick in again properly after half term).

I want to give up, sell my car and cancel my insurance and just stop altogether. But I know I need to be able to drive and I know that’s most likely making it worse.

For context I am dyspraxic, I can pass the theory test without issue, I get near full marks everytime I’ve done it (3 times) it’s just the practical I’m no where near ready for and my theory always lapses before I feel ready for it.

Any tips? Or do I just give up?

OP posts:
JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 10/10/2023 20:33

Don't give up. You need to be able to drive. Maybe try an automatic car?

loseweightpleasegod · 10/10/2023 20:34

Automatic.

YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 10/10/2023 20:35

Have you tried an intensive course? Maybe the gaps between lessons aren't helping?

EmmaEmerald · 10/10/2023 20:39

How bad are you?

do you have an objective person who can say if it's fixable?

what happens if you put the car money into a taxi fund for DC appointments, will it cover that?

Original poster
HatingTheDriveButNeedTo · 10/10/2023 20:40

I'm driving an automatic after trying manual and I'm still not having any more luck with it, in fact I think I'm worse.

I'm having a lesson a week at the moment, and I'll have a run of 2 or 3 weeks of good lessons then it goes badly again and it's like having to relearn.

I don't enjoy it.

OP posts:
EwwSprouts · 10/10/2023 20:41

As PP said an automatic would make gear changes seamless. Also think about which test centre you use. There is an 18% difference in first time pass rate at the two nearest to us.

HappyHealthy23 · 10/10/2023 20:41

What about it are you finding particularly difficult?

Original poster
HatingTheDriveButNeedTo · 10/10/2023 20:42

EmmaEmerald · 10/10/2023 20:39

How bad are you?

do you have an objective person who can say if it's fixable?

what happens if you put the car money into a taxi fund for DC appointments, will it cover that?

@EmmaEmerald My instructors have always said I'm a fair driver I need to have more confidence in myself and work on my hestiation and making a decision and sticking to it because thats where I go wrong, I panic and stop while I'm driving or I speed up when I need to slow down. Each time i'm told it's fixable but I'm just to anxious.

I live in a town but there isn't great transport links, I can get to one clinic on a bus and a 10 minute walk, the others are either a train and a bus or a train and another train ride away.

Taxis would be way to expensive.

OP posts:
Original poster
HatingTheDriveButNeedTo · 10/10/2023 20:43

HappyHealthy23 · 10/10/2023 20:41

What about it are you finding particularly difficult?

@HappyHealthy23 My instructors have always said I'm a fair driver I need to have more confidence in myself and work on my hestiation and making a decision and sticking to it because thats where I go wrong, I panic and stop while I'm driving or I speed up when I need to slow down. Each time i'm told it's fixable but I'm just to anxious. They keep telling me I will get there though.

OP posts:
EwwSprouts · 10/10/2023 20:43

Sorry cross post. about automatic You don't have to enjoy it you have to master it. What do you think goes wrong after a couple of lessons?

Qwertyyui · 10/10/2023 20:44

I had 2 2 hour lessons a week and had someone sit with me so I could drive every day to work and back. Without constant driving I wouldn't have passed. It sounds like you need more time in the car consistently. I found an instructor who worked out how I ticked and worked to my strengths. Luckily I didn't have to parallel park or I still wouldn't be driving now!

LadyFlumpalot · 10/10/2023 20:45

So, I failed my driving test a good number of times before I passed. I was always a good driver in lessons, but I'd get flustered and nervous on the test. What worked best was having long lessons, a whole day or half day, then I booked a late afternoon test and got my instructor to pick me up at 9am. By the time my test rolled around I was so fed up of being in the car that all the nerves vanished, I just wanted to be home and I aced the test.

I really enjoy driving now!

loseweightpleasegod · 10/10/2023 20:45

You need a semi intensive course and then to just do a test. Don’t go with the big intensive companies find a local instructor who can do 2 or 3 lessons a week. 2 hour lessons are probably better too.

Original poster
HatingTheDriveButNeedTo · 10/10/2023 20:45

Qwertyyui · 10/10/2023 20:44

I had 2 2 hour lessons a week and had someone sit with me so I could drive every day to work and back. Without constant driving I wouldn't have passed. It sounds like you need more time in the car consistently. I found an instructor who worked out how I ticked and worked to my strengths. Luckily I didn't have to parallel park or I still wouldn't be driving now!

@Qwertyyui I'm having 2 hours a week with an instructor and then I'm out with friends or family in my car a couple of times a week, I can't afford more instructor lessons it's already £55 for two hours, £110 a week is just unatainable for me.

OP posts:
Acornsoup · 10/10/2023 20:46

You just need more experience OP Flowers

loseweightpleasegod · 10/10/2023 20:46

£55 for 2 hours that is cheap it’s £45 to £50 for 1 hour where I live.

loseweightpleasegod · 10/10/2023 20:47

Or is it £55 for 1 hour because that sounds more like the going rate.

Original poster
HatingTheDriveButNeedTo · 10/10/2023 20:48

loseweightpleasegod · 10/10/2023 20:46

£55 for 2 hours that is cheap it’s £45 to £50 for 1 hour where I live.

@loseweightpleasegod Not when you're a single parent with 1 income in the house it's not, I've already put a lot of lessons on my credit card.

OP posts:
Original poster
HatingTheDriveButNeedTo · 10/10/2023 20:48

loseweightpleasegod · 10/10/2023 20:47

Or is it £55 for 1 hour because that sounds more like the going rate.

Edited

@loseweightpleasegod £55 for 2 hours, I'm in the midlands, it's cheaper to do 2 hours than 1 hour as 1 hour lessons are £32.

OP posts:
EwwSprouts · 10/10/2023 20:48

DS is currently learning and they all charge £35 for an hour round here.

loseweightpleasegod · 10/10/2023 20:49

Cheaper isn’t always better when it comes to driving instructors. Sometimes it’s a false economy. 180 hours is a lot of lessons have you done a test yet?

CourtneyB123 · 10/10/2023 20:49

Hi just wanted to say I've been the exact same, I've been doing lessons on and off for about a decade, I've only committed to it for the last 5 months but my anxiety is what holds me back. But Judy for perspective, are they really bad lessons? Is that what your instructor says or is that your perception after you might of made a couple of mistakes? I only say that, not in a condensending way but my instructor put that to me before, I still spend the first 40 minutes messing about before I settle in but try have more faith in yourself, just remember that nothing bad can possibly happen, nobody is judging you if you make mistakes and every driver has had to start somewhere like you and I. I don't think you should give up, you're doing well by the sounds of it, things will naturally come to you eventually as does everything you work at consistently x

Original poster
HatingTheDriveButNeedTo · 10/10/2023 20:50

loseweightpleasegod · 10/10/2023 20:49

Cheaper isn’t always better when it comes to driving instructors. Sometimes it’s a false economy. 180 hours is a lot of lessons have you done a test yet?

@loseweightpleasegod I'm not test ready, even my instructor says I'm not test ready.

OP posts:
cartagenagina · 10/10/2023 20:50

I am dyspraxic and really struggled to learn. It took me seven attempts before I passed 😳

Most people won’t understand how hard it is for you and how hard you have to concentrate. My advice is that when you’re driving with friends/family make sure they keep the chat to a minimum and no radio. You need to keep distractions minimal.

Keep going. I still absolutely hate driving but am glad I pushed through.

Original poster
HatingTheDriveButNeedTo · 10/10/2023 20:51

CourtneyB123 · 10/10/2023 20:49

Hi just wanted to say I've been the exact same, I've been doing lessons on and off for about a decade, I've only committed to it for the last 5 months but my anxiety is what holds me back. But Judy for perspective, are they really bad lessons? Is that what your instructor says or is that your perception after you might of made a couple of mistakes? I only say that, not in a condensending way but my instructor put that to me before, I still spend the first 40 minutes messing about before I settle in but try have more faith in yourself, just remember that nothing bad can possibly happen, nobody is judging you if you make mistakes and every driver has had to start somewhere like you and I. I don't think you should give up, you're doing well by the sounds of it, things will naturally come to you eventually as does everything you work at consistently x

@CourtneyB123 I have anxiety related to my dyspraxia. I literally panic and then speed up or slow down or completely stop and the instructor has to take over.

OP posts: