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AIBU?

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Original poster

DS has hit his bully today

83 replies

Prefend · 10/10/2023 13:15

hes yr7. He’s been saying this boy has been being mean to him and goading him for a few weeks. Had a phone call earlier asking me to go into school later as he’s punched this boy in the eye.
how do I handle this? I don’t condone violence, but I know that everyone has a breaking point and when enough is enough and they snap

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 10/10/2023 18:14

Soontobe60 · 10/10/2023 17:37

Self defence doesn’t mean punching someone in the eye. It means stopping someone from hitting you.

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If my eyes rolled any harder, they'd be stuck.

Original poster
Prefend · 10/10/2023 18:31

Well, we didn’t congratulate him but we definitely didn’t punish him. I talked to him about ‘one punch’ and how easily it can go very wrong.
hopefully it’s all done with now

OP posts:
Original poster
Prefend · 10/10/2023 18:33

Aquamarine1029 · 10/10/2023 18:14

If my eyes rolled any harder, they'd be stuck.

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Disagree. This kid is bigger than him. If he’d just put his arms up to stop him, he’d have been pummelled. I’m very proud of my boy for giving the little prick a beating! He had it coming

OP posts:
Here4thechocs · 10/10/2023 18:36

Aquamarine1029 · 10/10/2023 16:06

Well done by your son. You never start a fight, but you are well within your rights to finish it.

Absolutely spot on. This is what I say to my children. I don’t want to hear you started a fight & in the same v, I do not want to hear “ I didn’t do anything “.

MrsCarson · 10/10/2023 18:51

The school knew so your son was right to defend himself.
I always told my kids not to start anything, but if someone hits you, make sure you defend yourself or the bully will come back and do it again over and over.

Elvis1956 · 10/10/2023 19:05

I listened to young again on radio 4, where Kirsty Young asks famous people about there lives and what advice they would have given their younger selves.
Mine would have been to batter my bully, I found out too late that my parents who I didn't want to disappoint would have supported me and that I was more than capable of looking after myself in a fight.
I should have done it at 12/13 and it would have made life at school better...strangely at that age I was fighting grown men but was too worried about getting in trouble at school to stand up for myself

Ivebeentogeorgia · 10/10/2023 19:05

tellittothemoon · 10/10/2023 18:12

You need to tell your son that he did the right thing. However, you also need to make him aware that that there are two sets of standards at play here. School can't condone violence, so he has to take the rap. You, however, are allowed your own set of rules, and can give him a pat on the back for stepping up to defend himself. It's the Game of Life.

I agree with this. I tell my son he isn’t to start a fight but he can finish one. However by choosing to finish one, he has to accept he will have a school consequence. He won’t ever have a consequence from me from finishing a fight but he would from starting a fight. He understands this. Well done to your DS. Hope that bully backs off now.

DelilahBucket · 10/10/2023 19:10

I say this as the other parent, wait until you've got the full facts. My DS was being bullied for months online and face to face by a lad in his year, unbeknown to me. Things came to a head and the bully punched DS, then insisted DS was the bully and he'd pushed him too far. His mother stormed into school and also congratulated her son for punching his bully. It quickly came to light with months of evidence that DS was the victim, not the other way round. DS had a really hard time at school afterwards because this lad had gone round telling everyone DS was a bully and they believed him.
The lad was excluded for two days for the violence, before all the evidence came to light, so expect that to happen. He was then isolated for a week. DS had a broken nose for his efforts 😔.

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