DS has hit his bully today

[Prefend]

hes yr7. He’s been saying this boy has been being mean to him and goading him for a few weeks. Had a phone call earlier asking me to go into school later as he’s punched this boy in the eye.
how do I handle this? I don’t condone violence, but I know that everyone has a breaking point and when enough is enough and they snap

I disagree that a physical response is "escalating" necessarily. Psychological damage can be more severe and long lasting than a single punch.

While I'd never tell my dc to physically retaliate, as pragmatically they're far more likely to get the blame than the sneaky wee shit who keeps it verbal, I'd have a lot of sympathy.

If the school knew, then I'd want to know what steps they took to prevent the bullying after they were informed, and what they will do now that their strategies have failed your son.

I think on the whole your DS has done the right thing. My DS was low level bullied for well over a year, even talked about his bully every day through the summer holidays, it was heartbreaking. Finally, first week of the new school year and my DS punched the kid. He did it again the next day when the bully tried again. There was no need for a third punch. Since then DS has always been able to stand up for himself.

Listen to the school, ask what sanctions both boys are getting and when you get outside tell your boy he absolutely did the right thing. The school had their chance to sort it out. Brave boy!

I would be saying this is totally out of character for Ds so I am wondering what led up to him feeling that punching this child was the only solution he deemed appropriate. I would also be saying it must have been self defence and would question the reliability of any witnesses due to bias.

Ultimately have your son's back, he needs to know that you are totally on his side. You have clearly said he hit his bully, so I am hoping you have diary entries for the bullying, if you don't you can at least list what has happened previously. I used to keep a list of any incidents and if there was ever a telephone call (school's preferred method of contact) I would follow it up with an email confirming what was said on the call. I actually had an app that recorded all my calls which meant I could transcript them.

Paper trails so emails are the best way of dealing with any bullying issues because there is a documented evidence as to what has gone on before.

When my son finally fought his bully I took him out for a McDonalds! Schools do literally nothing about bullying usually, both kids got the same punishment for fight, but the bully didn't get any repercussions from the initial bullying.

Also, good on your boy

Good for him.
I hate schools always have i got bullied badly and the teachers always took the bullies side.
Good on your son for doing it.
I just have pure hate for schools i really do hate teachers as they always seem to be right.
Hate the school pick ups and drop offs.
other school parents thinking their tough and perfect parents and give dirty looks and vibes.
As you can tell i dont like schools and when i come in power i will end all schools
( the above last line wont happen but i can dream)

So pleased them years are over for me.
Going back under my rock rant over.
Get your son a very good treat.

Tempting to tell the head that you are horrified that THEY let the situation escalate to this level, and what are THEY going to do about it?

He messaged me and said he’d been put in a room by himself for the last 2 hours. I rang the school and told them I was picking him up straight away-and I did.
apparently one of bully’s minions pushed the bully into my DC then bully hit my DC. My DC then retaliated. Bully has gone home to have his head checked over according to DC

Have you got a route for him to go back into school tomorrow? It doesn't sound like the teachers have taken into account the ongoing issues.

I'm so sorry that your DC has been provoked into this situation. Not nice for anyone.

As the bully hit your child first, good on him for hitting back hard. It’s the only language these thugs understand. Here’s hoping the bully backs off him now he knows the consequences.

Tell your son a big well done for sticking up for himself. And take no rubbish from the school over this. If the bully is big enough to be hitting your son, he's big enough to get one back. Don't let school tell you otherwise - this is on them for not stamping out bullying in the first place

In terms of school rules, he may need to accept consequences. None of us can go around slugging people and expect there not to be consequences; but it's equally it's understood in society that you can't go around bullying people and expect them to just let you, and that should be taken heavily into consideration.

But privately, psychologically and in lifetime terms of him as a person rather than the very few years at this school? Much better for him to have fought back and made it stop than submitted.

I hope the little cunt has got concussion.

I’d start with “it’s unfortunate that the schools failure to deal with continuous bullying led to the escalation of this matter, where my son was left to defend himself instead”

I'd be giving your kid a pat on the back and asking the school what they're going to do to protect him from being put in this position again.

Good on him!

Good for him , I've always told my children that if anyone hits them then they are allowed to hit back. Telling the teacher does not work

I’d just give him a hot chocolate and say “well that sounds horrible” and wait and see what the school says. It doesn’t sound like he did anything particularly awful.

It's good that you had already informed the school of the bullying as then they can't claim you made it up to excuse your ds.

My son had an older boy threaten him for a long time and it really upset him.

When the much threatened physical attack came by the significantly heavier child cowardly jumping on his back and hitting him, my son managed to shake him off, swing him round and as he swung him the bully’s head hit a brick wall.

The bully’s ‘gang’ seemed confused and my son ran home before they all started on him.

I had reported the bullying to the school several times. The school had actually tried to deal with it, but without success. They had to investigate this incident because the other boy had a a slight bruise on his head, and they warned my son about his behaviour. I didn’t punish him, I knew how much he had suffered over a long period.

The bully did try a couple more threats but my son was having none of it, replying ‘I beat you once, and I can do it again’ Sadly the bully moved on to other victims.

You tell him he did good! This is what happens when bullying isn't dealt with. He doesn't go to school to be anyone's punch bag, he has every right to defend himself

Good on your son

He probably won't be bullied again

Bully has gone home to have his head checked over according to DC

^^¢

Maybe he's had some sense knocked into him

I'd be laying into the teachers personally

Your son shouldn't be punished

I’d start with “it’s unfortunate that the schools failure to deal with continuous bullying led to the escalation of this matter, where my son was left to defend himself instead”

Agree* with Icallitasplodge. *I have told my DS that if a kid hurts him at school first and he hits back I will defend him to the hilt. Your son was right to defend himself.

Good for him! X