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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DS has hit his bully today

83 replies

Prefend · 10/10/2023 13:15

hes yr7. He’s been saying this boy has been being mean to him and goading him for a few weeks. Had a phone call earlier asking me to go into school later as he’s punched this boy in the eye.
how do I handle this? I don’t condone violence, but I know that everyone has a breaking point and when enough is enough and they snap

OP posts:
hardboiledeggs · 10/10/2023 15:30

I have always told my DC that if someone hits them, they should hit back. In my experience, a bully will keep going unless you defend yourself. Your DC should be proud of himself, that wee bully will think twice before he goes near your DC again.

RunningJo · 10/10/2023 15:31

If you’ve already spoken to the school about this then I would calmly explain to school that they have failed your son, that whilst you don’t condone violence, he clearly felt he was left to deal with this himself, and as a last resort lashed out at a child who has been bullying him for a while.
That you will speak to your son, but in the meantime would like to know what the schools anti bullying policy is, and what they are going to do about the child who is the bully.

LakeTiticaca · 10/10/2023 15:36

Good on your son.
The little shit might think twice about bullying now 😉

Desecratedcoconut · 10/10/2023 15:43

Yeah, I'd support his decision to hit back. Not sure I'd be taking him for a celebratory treat though, sounds like he's had a shitty day all round. I'd tell the school that next time I've told him to hit him back harder, and leave it at that.

Museya15 · 10/10/2023 15:56

Give him a treat, we'll done your kid.💪👊

MariaVT65 · 10/10/2023 15:59

Good on him! I bet you any money that if he hadn’t have punched back, the school wouldn’t have done anything/much about him being pushed in the first place.

turtle8919 · 10/10/2023 16:00

Give him a pat on the back and a treat! I bet the bully won't bother him again

belgiumchocolates · 10/10/2023 16:01

Your DS rightly defended himself. The school should be explaining to you and DS how they are going to deal with the bully.

Poor DS I hope he is ok.

bellamae1 · 10/10/2023 16:03

Just been through this with my year 7 when he first started there was a boy constantly making racist remarks against my son and he and his mate kicked and punched my son twice in the face then the next day again it happened spoke to school and they said they will speak to the other lad's parents, anyway my son snapped he said he just saw red when the lad was again making racist remarks about him & tbh I said good on him he wasn't coming home with black eyes and bloody nose all for the other boy to get a phone call home! No chance he doesn't see violence at home so why should he go to school and feel unsafe there!

Original poster
Prefend · 10/10/2023 16:05

Back from meeting the head. They’re in agreement that the other boy is the instigator. There’ll be no further punishment for my DC but other boy will have detention tomorrow as he didn’t today. We told the head to pass on that we hope the boy is ok, to his parents.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 10/10/2023 16:06

Well done by your son. You never start a fight, but you are well within your rights to finish it.

Original poster
Prefend · 10/10/2023 16:13

Aquamarine1029 · 10/10/2023 16:06

Well done by your son. You never start a fight, but you are well within your rights to finish it.

Absolutely. This is what we’ve said to him. I picked him up early and took him to a cafe. He’s my hero. Wish I could have stuck up for myself like that at his age

OP posts:
MammaTo · 10/10/2023 16:33

Well done to the school and to your son.

alongcameboo · 10/10/2023 16:39

icallitasplodge · 10/10/2023 14:56

I’d start with “it’s unfortunate that the schools failure to deal with continuous bullying led to the escalation of this matter, where my son was left to defend himself instead”

Perfect!

Froodwithatowel · 10/10/2023 16:54

Excellent news OP!

hookiewookie29 · 10/10/2023 16:59

Good on him!!
Hopefully the bully will leave him alone now.
My daughter was bullied in year 10 and 11. Maybe if she'd slapped a couple of them, then she wouldn't be the mess that she is now.

Nothankyou22 · 10/10/2023 17:04

I’d support my son in his decision regardless of what the school say, my son is autistic and was bullied so badly he was scared of his own shadow but didn’t fight back, I ended up kicking off at his parents because nothing was done for months and it stopped immediately.

Regholdsworthswaterbed · 10/10/2023 17:08

I'd go in, have his back and tell him he did the right thing. Good for him. If you choose to bully someone you deserve a smack in the mouth.

Daisybuttercup12345 · 10/10/2023 17:16

Seainasive · 10/10/2023 13:38

I was so pleased when my DS finally did that and told him so. The bully had it coming. I also told him to accept the punishment his school gave him without argument.

Why should you son accept a punishment when he was standing up to his bully?

Facefortheradio · 10/10/2023 17:27

A few years ago I wouldn't really have had a strong opinion on this but today I do. My Y8 DS is getting bullied and was jumped at the weekend by these creatures. 6 of them. DS had been with friends but was on his way home alone.
My kid does martial arts - he started this shortly after the bullying started in Y7. He didn't fight back but blocked and defended himself.
I wish I was getting the call you got.
Obviously I'd never tell DS this. He is so miserable and unhappy.
I hope your boy is OK and the scumbag who has been bullying him leaves him alone.

ssd · 10/10/2023 17:32

Good on him

Soontobe60 · 10/10/2023 17:37

BoohooWoohoo · 10/10/2023 13:16

Are the school aware that your son has been bullied? Self defence is justified imo.

Self defence doesn’t mean punching someone in the eye. It means stopping someone from hitting you.

Desecratedcoconut · 10/10/2023 17:46

Soontobe60 · 10/10/2023 17:37

Self defence doesn’t mean punching someone in the eye. It means stopping someone from hitting you.

Show quote history

Well, punching him in the eye seems to have put an end to the matter.

MrsMarzetti · 10/10/2023 17:46

Well done to your Son, i would shake his hand if i met him. They only way to stop a bully is to give them a taste of their own medicine. I hope to god it was a bloody good left hook that put the bully on his backside and hurt like hell. Well done your lad👏

tellittothemoon · 10/10/2023 18:12

You need to tell your son that he did the right thing. However, you also need to make him aware that that there are two sets of standards at play here. School can't condone violence, so he has to take the rap. You, however, are allowed your own set of rules, and can give him a pat on the back for stepping up to defend himself. It's the Game of Life.