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Original poster

Am I being to sensitive? In law advice

76 replies

Shannon9955 · 10/10/2023 11:01

So, we have moved in with my partners mum and stepdad. Our house was meant to be done nearly 3 months ago, but it's now pushed to January. So my partners parents kindly offered to us to move in with them as we have an 18 month old with essentially no where to live till January.

The step dad is the tightest person I know. He's also slightly a control freak. And when people say they love their in laws but will never live with them, I now understand that. Because I no longer love them nor want to live with them ever again.

We pay half the bills, half the shopping. Buy our own personal things. We aren't living here bill free. Which is fine and reasonable. Nothing is a free ride nor would I want that. As well as paying out solicitor fees, day to day life and saving to partly furnish our new house/floor the whole house.

The step dad however is constantly complaining about the bills being higher, water bill being higher. But we pay half, so I'm not sure of his issue since they now have 3 extra people here, more washes being done, showering ect. I could easily do a wash every other day. Which he always comments on "doing another wash, changing your bed again" I change the beds every Tuesday. Meaning mine and my child's. He is just so rude regarding my parenting, saying why do I do this. Comments on what she eats and when she eats it. I've kept my mouth shut because I like my partners mum and I feel sorry for her with him. But I can't hold my tongue any longer. He's just awful. He's called me a "c**t" after I told a joke. which I pulled up and said don't ever say that word in front of my child. He makes the atmosphere in the house just awful. I just want to go and live in my house that's basically brick currently just to escape it all.

My friend popped round yesterday and they made her feel so uncomfortable, didn't say hi to her. I made a cup of tea for us both, and there was the tiniest bit of water in the kettle and I tossed it out and all hell broke loose. He said what the hell are you doing washing water. Shouted the mum and said look at what they are f**king doing. No wonder the water bill is sky high. Never chuck water ever again. With my friend there I almost just stood in embarrassment and didn't know what to say over this splash of water. I work weekends and he's retired so he's home when I'm home, so I go out as much as I can to kill time before my partner is home from work. Honestly at my breaking point now.

I'm at a loss what to do with the whole situation to the point I'm questioning if I'm being sensitive to it all

OP posts:
Original poster
Shannon9955 · 10/10/2023 11:03

May I add we've been living with them since December last year. Was meant to be until July, but now it's till January

OP posts:
AgentProvocateur · 10/10/2023 11:04

Move into a hotel or Airbnb. You can’t live like that. He sounds like a right bully.

StrawberryWater · 10/10/2023 11:06

Find a short term let or go to a hotel.

Littlegreene82 · 10/10/2023 11:06

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This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

3dogsandarabbit · 10/10/2023 11:10

I would move somewhere else until January. It sounds like he doesn't want you there and is angry that you didn't leave in July when you were supposed to, not that there was anything you could do about that. The problem is that even breathing now will annoy him! He sounds nasty and for your own sanity I would make other arrangements.

BerriesNutsConkers · 10/10/2023 11:16

You have been with them since December!!! This is madness!!!!

You need to make other arrangements.

Splitscreened · 10/10/2023 11:18

Find somewhere else to live. This isn’t working.

FrenchandSaunders · 10/10/2023 11:20

What does your partner say?
His step dad sounds absolutely awful. Doesn't his mum stick up for you. Sounds like she is bulled by him.

I'd find the funds to rent a room somewhere, even if you stick it on a credit card.

Knivesandforks · 10/10/2023 11:21

Erm why are ypu at a loss? Just move out? That's a long time for you to live with them, if it's not working leave.

HollaHolla · 10/10/2023 11:21

What a dickhead. No matter the disagreements, that's no way to speak to anyone. Get out. Short term let somewhere/long term AirB&B. Sounds like you'd be financially no worse off, and happier.

HollaHolla · 10/10/2023 11:23

PS - What does your partner say? (And if he speaks to your MIL like that as well, I wonder how long she will be sticking around?)
How old are they, and has he always been like that? Just wondering if it's potentially the start of dementia, or depression, if it's been a recent change....

WastingTimeOnTheInternet · 10/10/2023 11:24

To be honest they are probably sick of being invaded and he wants his home back. It sounds like you have lived with them a long time. Do all of you a favour and move out into somewhere temporary. There isn’t a solution other than that. It is his home after all, not yours.

Whattodo112222 · 10/10/2023 11:24

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

This is the response you should really pay attention to.

Tempnamechng · 10/10/2023 11:25

Its sounds as though he doesn't want you there any more than you want to be there. Can you put a mobile home on the building site? He is rude, but probably frustrated as the living arrangement is for much longer than he signed up for.

Original poster
Shannon9955 · 10/10/2023 11:32

My partner has said stuff continuously in my defence. And it's all "I'm sorry" the mum blames the step dad and says she has to deal with him. So that's the extent of that.

When we moved here in December they said stay as long as you want, don't rush settling on buying. But we wanted a house we saw and went for it. That house fell through, so we have the house we've got now which needs a hell of a lot of work hence the delay. We said to then it's longer then we thought so we will rent in the meantime and they jumped down our throat saying why would be throw money away when they want us here ect ect

OP posts:
DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 10/10/2023 11:33

Whattodo112222 · 10/10/2023 11:24

This is the response you should really pay attention to.

Show quote history

Agreed. He is absolutely horrible.

Its much easier for your partner as he is out all day.

This situation is not going to get any better. The incident of calling you a Cword and screaming at you for filling the kettle demonstrate that.

You cannot possibly stay there from October to January and beyond under those conditions. Even a one bed Airbnb or short term let would be better - bills would probably be smaller and stress would be so much less.

Cut your losses and think of your sanity.

Original poster
Shannon9955 · 10/10/2023 11:34

Shannon9955 · 10/10/2023 11:32

My partner has said stuff continuously in my defence. And it's all "I'm sorry" the mum blames the step dad and says she has to deal with him. So that's the extent of that.

When we moved here in December they said stay as long as you want, don't rush settling on buying. But we wanted a house we saw and went for it. That house fell through, so we have the house we've got now which needs a hell of a lot of work hence the delay. We said to then it's longer then we thought so we will rent in the meantime and they jumped down our throat saying why would be throw money away when they want us here ect ect

I wanted to rent. I didn't care regardless but my partner wants to be able to save more. So he said stay, which we have. But it's at my expense because he works 5 days a week and is out the house for the 4 days of the week so he gets a bloody break from it all. But the step dad doesn't dare so much as blink the wrong way in the partners direction. I get all his backlash

OP posts:
Quitelikeit · 10/10/2023 11:40

Do you think he thought he would make a profit off you moving in?

He sounds dreadful and unavoidable as yous are living together

I would honestly look for a short term let

I hate hate hate tight, greedy people!

nutbrownhare15 · 10/10/2023 11:41

Move out today, find anywhere that isn't there. Ignore your partner as he isn't experiencing the abuse.

Original poster
Shannon9955 · 10/10/2023 11:41

Quitelikeit · 10/10/2023 11:40

Do you think he thought he would make a profit off you moving in?

He sounds dreadful and unavoidable as yous are living together

I would honestly look for a short term let

I hate hate hate tight, greedy people!

I didn't think that at first, I just thought it was kindness more than anything, but now as time goes in I truly think he just wants the money. For example my partner got his bonus from work and his mum walked in on me and my partner talking about it and she said "don't tell name that, he'll take more money off you if he knows you have more"

OP posts:
Original poster
Shannon9955 · 10/10/2023 11:42

I've also just looked at air bnb's for 3 months let and cheapest is over a grand a month. We can't do that with how much we paid into the house, which is really frustrating

OP posts:
caerdydd12 · 10/10/2023 11:44

He sounds awful, and I agree that you need to move out. However I do think it's cheeky (and I might be the minority) to invite a friend over. You're paying half the bills yes, but you aren't paying rent but are having someone over occupying their kitchen/living room etc. You're a lodger really and have to remember that it's not your house. The water thing is batshit though..

Quitelikeit · 10/10/2023 11:45

Oh god I hate him so much!!

wear headphones and listen to podcasts? Go to as many toddler groups that you can

sounds awful

GalaApples · 10/10/2023 11:45

The word he called you would be a deal breaker for me, and most people I imagine. Why are you still there? And why is your DH not incandescent after the name his stepdad used for you? Find somewhere else and stop being so passive.

Quitelikeit · 10/10/2023 11:45

He must be financially controlling with the mother?

Whose house was it? Does she work?