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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How much would you expect to spend on a hen party?

60 replies

KittyKat8597 · 09/10/2023 20:00

The reason I'm asking is because I'm organising a hen party for my cousin, who's getting married in June next year.

My cousin has let me have free rein on the hen party, with the only stipulation being that it isn't in our hometown. So I've managed to find a package deal which includes an overnight stay in a lovely apartment, a day activity and a booth in a club with a few complimentary drinks in a city that she loves. The price of all of this is £100. I thought this was a great deal, especially since all that's due now is a £25 deposit per person, and the rest of the balance is not due until May 2024.

I created a group chat with all the bridesmaids two weeks ago and detailed everything the hen party would involve and the costs. Most people said that they would come, however since then it's been radio silence and only one person has paid a deposit. It is now days before the deposits are all due and a minimum of 8 people are needed in order for the event to go ahead - if this requirement isn't met, I will have to cancel. I've sent several messages in the group chat but people are reading and not responding.

So my question is, AIBU for expecting people to pay £100 for a hen party? How much would you expect to pay? I appreciate that things may be tight for people at the moment, but I have tried to organise it well in advance in order to give people as much time as possible to pay it.

OP posts:
GCAcademic · 09/10/2023 20:02

I’d pay £100, but I wouldn’t want to go to a club. In fact, I’d pay a hell of a lot more than £100 to not have to go to a club.

ShinyBandana · 09/10/2023 20:05

I think your best bet is to phone everyone individually about the deposit.

BerriesNutsConkers · 09/10/2023 21:32

Is it the cost or is it that people don't want to stay overnight?

Tinkerbyebye · 09/10/2023 21:35

£100 is a bargain. But time for another message this time laying in in the line that this is what the bride wants, and they need to confirm and pay a deposit by xx. If there are not enough people the you will have to cancel, and tell the bride

WandaWonder · 09/10/2023 21:38

Why is a normal evening out not enough these days? To me it is not specifically about the money as in can people afford it or not but why should people have to pay it?

These short break events are great if everyone is in on it and all agree from the start, but no I would not be sent and invite and told 'the cost is...'

yogasaurus · 09/10/2023 21:38

BerriesNutsConkers · 09/10/2023 21:32

Is it the cost or is it that people don't want to stay overnight?

Yeah, this.

I loved hen parties in the past but now I can’t imagine anything worse than a night away going out drinking to a club.

Original poster
KittyKat8597 · 09/10/2023 21:41

BerriesNutsConkers · 09/10/2023 21:32

Is it the cost or is it that people don't want to stay overnight?

Not sure, just thought it would be easier to stay overnight, rather than trying to get back home in the evening since we'll be two hours away from home.

OP posts:
Sumtimesiamgreen · 09/10/2023 21:41

A night out is enough no?
£100 is a lot of money to and I’d not pay that to celebrate someone’s pre wedding celebration

Original poster
KittyKat8597 · 09/10/2023 21:42

WandaWonder · 09/10/2023 21:38

Why is a normal evening out not enough these days? To me it is not specifically about the money as in can people afford it or not but why should people have to pay it?

These short break events are great if everyone is in on it and all agree from the start, but no I would not be sent and invite and told 'the cost is...'

Whether it's an evening out or a break away I think it's quite standard to have to pay for a hen party

OP posts:
TidyDancer · 09/10/2023 21:43

I reckon they'll have an objection to some part of it that you haven't realised. What's the activity? Would they have to share rooms where you're staying? I wouldn't go because of the club but I also wouldn't go if the activity was something like pole dancing etc or if I didn't have my own room to sleep in.

Spacecowboys · 09/10/2023 21:44

I’d expect to pay more than that for a hen night that includes an overnight stay.

Original poster
KittyKat8597 · 09/10/2023 21:45

Sumtimesiamgreen · 09/10/2023 21:41

A night out is enough no?
£100 is a lot of money to and I’d not pay that to celebrate someone’s pre wedding celebration

What's making it more expensive is the fact that we are staying over as we will be quite far from home. It's what the bride wants so nothing I can do about it unfortunately

OP posts:
Original poster
KittyKat8597 · 09/10/2023 21:46

TidyDancer · 09/10/2023 21:43

I reckon they'll have an objection to some part of it that you haven't realised. What's the activity? Would they have to share rooms where you're staying? I wouldn't go because of the club but I also wouldn't go if the activity was something like pole dancing etc or if I didn't have my own room to sleep in.

I understand that some may have objections, but just thought people would make the effort as they are actually bridesmaids.

OP posts:
WandaWonder · 09/10/2023 21:47

KittyKat8597 · 09/10/2023 21:42

Whether it's an evening out or a break away I think it's quite standard to have to pay for a hen party

Show quote history

Yes it is fine to pay, an evening out people will expect to pay for a meal and a few drinks

But what is in the op seems quite a bit, sure the bride can have it but some people might not come of course

TidyDancer · 09/10/2023 21:47

Well if no one's wanting to go you kind of having to do something about it really. I would go back to the bride and say you really need to scale back the plans because it's difficult for people and see what she says.

FredaFox · 09/10/2023 21:48

I think £100 each to stay away is very reasonable
Maybe they don't like the location or club idea
Did you have any discussions before booking or did you just say ok I've found this at £100 each can I have your deposit?
Is it the date?

RoseGoldEagle · 09/10/2023 21:49

For everything you’re getting there that’s a bargain, but I suppose people have to factor in travel and food as well, plus drinks money if the few complimentary ones don’t go far!

It just depends on how close these friends are really and what their views and expectations of hen dos are- this will vary so much it makes it hard.

Are most of them very close friends? I’d pay that and more and give up a night or two away- but only for a few very close friends (or my sisters)- if it was more of a good friend but not super close, it would be the night away I’d probably not want to do (though I’d go to a local day out/evening as long as I could get home).

You may need to chat to the bride and see if she’s happy with a smaller number doing what you’ve planned, or whether she’d prefer more people can make it, but then she’ll need to go local.

Agree you need to be very direct in the group message if you haven’t already ‘I’ve only had one person pay a deposit and deadline is tomorrow- if I don’t get any more I will have to cancel, be really grateful if those that want to come could pay asap’

Mamai90 · 09/10/2023 21:50

£100 is very reasonable these days for a hen. My last one was in Ibiza, £450 and of course spending money on top. They are getting extortionate though!

androidnotapple · 09/10/2023 21:50

Post in the group chat

'Hi guys, deposits are due within 48 hours and I've only had one. I don't have the time to chase. Please can you send me your money tomorrow (or let me know if you're not coming - if I don't get all the rest of them I will return the money to those who have paid and let someone else do the organising.'

androidnotapple · 09/10/2023 21:50

win win - either they pay, or you get out of what is a thankless task!

Aylestone · 09/10/2023 21:52

KittyKat8597 · 09/10/2023 21:46

I understand that some may have objections, but just thought people would make the effort as they are actually bridesmaids.

Show quote history

As they’re bridesmaids they’re probably having to swallow costs already to do with the wedding. People don’t realise what some other people have to pay. If I got invited to a hen do this weekend I’d be paying to get my hair done, make up, an outfit, a babysitter, possibly a pet sitter, on top of travel, food and drinks down there. That’s off the top of my head and on top of the £100 accommodation. And then there’s the inconvenience of booking multiple days off work etc. It’s all getting a bit of a pisstake with the expectations put on people to pay out hundreds or even thousands and spend whole weekends for what traditionally would be a piss up in the local pub. For whatever reason MULTIPLE bridesmaids are clearly pissed off with the hen do plans, have a think what that might be

Daisydovetail · 09/10/2023 21:52

What if no one else wants to do the organising? £100 is reasonable if it’s something you want to do. I suspect if they haven’t paid it’s because they’re not keen, for whatever reason.

GU24Mum · 09/10/2023 21:53

Having read lots of hen weekend threads, you'd be much better asking people for the money now, not just a deposit. If they just pay £25 and a few pull out, who is going to top up the rest of their share?

I'd also be clear to people what else they need to pay for. It's when someone adds on various things that it can get very messy.

SM4713 · 09/10/2023 21:55

Is she one of the last in the group to get married/have kids or one of the first? Are the general group of hens in their early 20's for example or much older?

For a night away and activity, £100 is a bargain- BUT, would I be sharing a room or even a bed with someone? In my late 20's I went to a hens but had no idea I'd be sharing a bed with 2 others- yes, 3 of us squished into a bed! I slept on the floor! Now in my 40's I'd want to know the arrangements beforehand!

Depending on the hens ages, maybe some are TTC, concerned they might be pregnant by then, already in the very early stages of pregnancy or just not sure what child care/work/studies/partners work etc might be going on next year.

RampantIvy · 09/10/2023 21:55

It will end up costing a lot more than £100

Travel
Drinks
Food

Are the hens expected to share rooms with people they don't know?

I went to hen party last month. It was afternoon tea and it cost me less than £20 (plus petrol).

I have seen so many posts on MN about hen parties and think that in this case what the bride wants to do isn't what the hens want to do.