Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

How much would you expect to spend on a hen party?

60 replies

KittyKat8597 · 09/10/2023 20:00

The reason I'm asking is because I'm organising a hen party for my cousin, who's getting married in June next year.

My cousin has let me have free rein on the hen party, with the only stipulation being that it isn't in our hometown. So I've managed to find a package deal which includes an overnight stay in a lovely apartment, a day activity and a booth in a club with a few complimentary drinks in a city that she loves. The price of all of this is £100. I thought this was a great deal, especially since all that's due now is a £25 deposit per person, and the rest of the balance is not due until May 2024.

I created a group chat with all the bridesmaids two weeks ago and detailed everything the hen party would involve and the costs. Most people said that they would come, however since then it's been radio silence and only one person has paid a deposit. It is now days before the deposits are all due and a minimum of 8 people are needed in order for the event to go ahead - if this requirement isn't met, I will have to cancel. I've sent several messages in the group chat but people are reading and not responding.

So my question is, AIBU for expecting people to pay £100 for a hen party? How much would you expect to pay? I appreciate that things may be tight for people at the moment, but I have tried to organise it well in advance in order to give people as much time as possible to pay it.

OP posts:

Fionaville · 09/10/2023 21:56

£100 doesn't sound too bad. But then it's never 'just' going to cost that. I'd expect to spend at least another £200 on top of that for food and drinks. The 'night away' element would put me off anyway. It sounds like they've all said 'sure ok' in the hope that somebody else would say no and suggest something else.

Original poster

KittyKat8597 · 09/10/2023 21:57

@Aylestone I haven't invited them to a hen do 'this weekend' though. I've given them 7 months notice. It's not like it's an upfront cost. If you subtract the deposit, there would be £75 left to pay, which would literally be just under £11 a month spread over 7 months (everyone is sent their own link and they can choose to pay in instalments if they wish)

OP posts:

EpitomeofEpiphany · 09/10/2023 21:57

Do you get on with them? Maybe they had started to arrange one themselves as a surprise and don't know what to do/say now.

Fiddlerdragon · 09/10/2023 21:58

Mamai90 · 09/10/2023 21:50

£100 is very reasonable these days for a hen. My last one was in Ibiza, £450 and of course spending money on top. They are getting extortionate though!

Technically a night away for £100 is reasonable. Not everyone has a spare £100 for a night away though. And it’s not just £100 is it? I don’t know how they’re getting there but once you’ve factored petrol costs/train tickets/food/drinks/various add ons down there, I doubt very much that that number isn’t easily doubled at least. As it is the entire hen party apart from the op is unhappy with it, so there’s probably a good reason why no one wants to go

RampantIvy · 09/10/2023 21:59

Is the deposit refundable?

Did you sound out the hens before booking it?

Original poster

KittyKat8597 · 09/10/2023 22:02

RampantIvy · 09/10/2023 21:59

Is the deposit refundable?

Did you sound out the hens before booking it?

Nope, deposit is non-refundable.

I sent a message with the plans, asking for people's thoughts and if they would all come, to which they said yes.

OP posts:

Wattleanddaub · 09/10/2023 22:02

Is transport included? If people are expected to drive, is parking available for free at the accommodation?

Personally I think £100 is a good deal for what you've described but things like transport etc can really drive costs up.

Fiddlerdragon · 09/10/2023 22:05

KittyKat8597 · 09/10/2023 21:57

I think you’ve completely missed the point there. Their financial circumstances might be dire compared to where they were 7 months ago. They haven’t spread the entire cost of the whole weekend over the last 7 months have they? Have you never put to one side for something ‘nice’ and then have to spend it digging yourself out of a hole? It happens to me weekly. 7 months is a long time really. It’s easy enough to commit to something 7 months away, and then when it’s suddenly round the corner you realise ‘oh shit, I just can’t do it’.

RampantIvy · 09/10/2023 22:06

If no-one is going to pay a deposit by the deadline can you ask the hens for other suggestions about what you should do instead?

I suspect that they probably want a hen do but don't want to devote a wholw weekend to it.

Original poster

KittyKat8597 · 09/10/2023 22:07

@Fiddlerdragon I'm not sure what you mean. I'm saying they have the option to pay £11 a month if paying the full cost is too much.

OP posts:

NeedToChangeName · 09/10/2023 22:09

Well done taking this on

Price sounds good value for money

Definitely ask people to pay full price up front. Otherwise, people will pull out nearer the time and it becomes even more difficult

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 09/10/2023 22:13

I think 100 quid is fine unless there are hidden costs on top (like matching outfits). I know lots of people go completely OTT on hen dos and do posh Country spa breaks or long weekends abroad. So I think it's at the cheaper end of the scale.

I'd be phoning them individually or sending them a voice note if they don't reply. Easy to ignore a group text but not so much a direct question. I'd also be honest about any additional costs and ask them to be honest if they can't come, it's best to know now rather than drop outs nearer the time.

You know this group best, is a club what they like doing?

FrangipaniBlue · 09/10/2023 22:13

It's more than £11 a month though because there will be other costs on top. A few complimentary drinks won't be enough to last all night.

And as others have said, how will you get there?

FWIW I think £100 for what you've arranged is a bargain and I would pay it.

To the posters questioning "what's wrong with a night out?" well that friends where you live! Nearest city to me is 35 miles and no public transport between there and my home town after 10pm. It's not even a decent city, certainly not the kind of place anyone other than locals go on nights out.

If I wanted a decent night out with nice cocktail/wine bars and maybe something like a comedy club I'd have no choice but to travel and stay overnight!

FrangipaniBlue · 09/10/2023 22:14

*depends, not friends!

Nicole1111 · 09/10/2023 22:16

I would expect to pay a lot more than that. Whenever I organise a hen I give people the option of transferring me money monthly though once the initial deposit has been paid as I find it makes people more amenable to parting with their cash

SellFridges · 09/10/2023 22:17

Only on Mumsnet do people think that £100 for a hen do is unreasonable.

For those saying “what’s wrong with a night out”, I assume all of your friends and family live in the same postcode and you have easy access to decent places to go out. Otherwise, it’s always going to cost people to get together.

Jessforless · 09/10/2023 22:19

I think £100 is really reasonable for what you’ve described… but I wouldn’t go because I hate staying overnight and sharing.

Original poster

KittyKat8597 · 09/10/2023 22:20

SellFridges · 09/10/2023 22:17

Only on Mumsnet do people think that £100 for a hen do is unreasonable.

Thanks, was beginning to question myself! Most hen do's I hear about involve going abroad, so think £100 is a bargain really, especially when you can pay it monthly

OP posts:

Sconehenge · 09/10/2023 22:20

I think that’s very reasonable and if they’ve all already said yes then they should also be happy with the idea. So it might just be a question of herding cats. Ring everyone individually/leave individual voice notes and chase everyone up. Give the impression that others have paid already and they are the tardy ones 😉

Original poster

KittyKat8597 · 09/10/2023 22:23

I am aware that there will be further costs on top e.g. travel, food, drinks etc. but those are all on the day costs. The balance for the package deal is due just over a month beforehand so didn't think this was unreasonable as all the costs are spread out, it's not like it's one big upfront payment. Hope this makes sense!

OP posts:

Laurdo · 09/10/2023 22:25

I think £100 for an overnight is very reasonable and you've given them plenty of time to pay.

I think if they had an issue with the plans they should have said and given other suggestions instead of all saying "yes" then not bothering to pay the deposit. People are so flakey. Only about half of the people I invited said they would come and in the end only half of those who said they would come actually did. I had people drop out just days before and after I'd bought all the gift bags and stuff. Definitely the last time I ever organise a group event.

I had my hen in a nearby Hilton hotel. There was a meal, tribute night and disco which cost £29 a head. For £79 it included bed and breakfast and for £99 included b&b and the spa with a treatment. This meant people had the option of what they wanted to do. If they didn't want to stay overnight they could just come to the dinner and tribute night. There was no minimum numbers to book. I collected the money from the majority and booked as a group and the stragglers were able to call the hotel and add themselves onto the group.

I know my hen isn't everyone's cup of tea but I gave it as an example of a hen with various options.

I know your main issue is with the location being 2 hours away an overnight is probably required. The bride only requested it wasn't local. Is there a possibility to pick a city a bit closer where people would have the option to go home if they'd prefer?

Honestly, good luck. Trying to organise things like this is hellish and some people don't make it easy.

Lizzieregina · 09/10/2023 22:25

I agree that £100 sounds like a good deal, but I agree on those who say get the money upfront, because what if someone backs out? Who foots the bill then?

My DD got married recently and my advice was to get money upfront (not her, her bridesmaid who organized) and sure enough someone backed out, but she didn’t get a refund, as the organizer couldn’t go round asking people for more money.

And I do think these kinds of things have gotten ridiculous. I’m in the US and girls here are flying to Mexico and the Caribbean at a cost of up to a thousand dollars. Madness!

luckysonofagun · 09/10/2023 22:27

£100 is extremely reasonable for a hendo. How well do u know them?

I think I'd put a blunt message saying

"Deposit needs to be paid within X time or we will have to cancel. Please either pay the deposit or contact me to let me know you can't make it. "

Then if it's cancelled apologise to person who paid and refund her and go back to bride.

Realistically you would not get a night away for less than that.

Pretendthatwearedead · 09/10/2023 22:29

I'd be delighted with £100 and with complimentary drinks. You did well. If they don't pay the deposits and haven't said why there is not much you can do. Book a restaurant b and just have a night out.

Dilligafat · 09/10/2023 22:34

We regularly see posts from people spending much more than £100 on hen do's. £100 is a bargain for what you have included. Send one last message saying that if x number of deposits aren't paid by whatever date you will know that people don't want to come and cancel. You were very clear and checked who wanted to come, there are no surprises.
Then maybe find out who wants to come to a restaurant for a meal, but book somewhere with a fixed price menu and take the money for the food in advance.

Flip

1 2 3