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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DS shouldn’t be paying for female friend when they go out?

58 replies

WestieRonald · 09/10/2023 14:26

DS always pays when he goes out with his female friend (they’re 17). She will sometimes chip in with say their meal deals but he always pays for things like the cinema, proper dinner etc. and even if this develops into a relationship, I don’t think it’s healthy for him to pay everything. AIBU?

OP posts:
DivingForLove · 09/10/2023 14:28

No I wouldn’t be happy with that. My DS has a gf but they each pay for themselves - they’re both at school and only have their Saturday jobs! She’s being a CF!

Hbh17 · 09/10/2023 14:29

I'm not sure how you would know who pays, but he's 17 so ultimately it's his choice. I think you just leave him to manage his money himself.

Original poster
WestieRonald · 09/10/2023 14:30

@Hbh17 I know because we are close and talk?

OP posts:
Original poster
WestieRonald · 09/10/2023 14:31

@DivingForLove same for DS he only works part time around sixth form

OP posts:
SpicedAppleAndFreshCider · 09/10/2023 14:32

Hbh17 · 09/10/2023 14:29

I'm not sure how you would know who pays, but he's 17 so ultimately it's his choice. I think you just leave him to manage his money himself.

Some teenage boys tell their Mum's things.

I would be worried she's taking advantage of him.

steff13 · 09/10/2023 14:34

All you can do is talk to him about it, ultimately it's up to him.

SpicedAppleAndFreshCider · 09/10/2023 14:34

Also, I'm sure posters would vote 100% YANBU if it was your DD and her male friend.

TheGoogleMum · 09/10/2023 14:35

Why does he pay?

cocksstrideintheevening · 09/10/2023 14:35

Why is he paying?

topshotta · 09/10/2023 14:36

Well is he paying by choice or being forced?

Original poster
WestieRonald · 09/10/2023 14:36

He says he likes to treat her… but atm they are just friends and even if they weren’t, that would still be unfair on him

OP posts:
PyramusandThisbe · 09/10/2023 14:37

Well, if he talks to you about it, ask him why he pays? Does he have some chivalric idea that it's the 'male role'? Is she a lot poorer than him? Would he rather take turns?

OrangesLemonsLimes · 09/10/2023 14:38

He sounds good natured and generous. He’s being mugged off and he’ll only realise it when she finds a proper boyfriend (which she inevitably will) and he starts seeing less and less of her. This will be a valuable lesson. Meanwhile, all you can do is warn him.

Millybob · 09/10/2023 14:42

You have raised a lovely, generous boy who's a gentleman. Maybe he likes to treat his girlfriend. If she is taking advantage, he'll learn the hard way. But he doesn't need his mother sticking her oar in.

BettyBunMaker · 09/10/2023 14:46

I'd be concerned he's being taken advantage off too

Warum · 09/10/2023 14:46

Even if she's not setting out to take advantage she is.

SpicedAppleAndFreshCider · 09/10/2023 14:49

Millybob · 09/10/2023 14:42

You have raised a lovely, generous boy who's a gentleman. Maybe he likes to treat his girlfriend. If she is taking advantage, he'll learn the hard way. But he doesn't need his mother sticking her oar in.

So if it was your DD you would think you had raised a lovely, generous girl, who was a lady? - Paying for her male friend not boyfriend?

Juliet55 · 09/10/2023 14:50

My ds was doing this too. He had a part time job at KFC supposedly saving for Uni. We only found out he'd spent all his money on his "friend" when she found an actual boyfriend and dropped ds. If I'd known earlier I'd have advised him against spending all his money on a girlfriend/friend. I'd have a word with him.

margotrose · 09/10/2023 14:53

If he wants to pay, surely that's up to him?

Someoneonlyyouknow · 09/10/2023 15:03

Would he pay to treat a male friend? Does he think she has less money than him? Perhaps he could say "I'll pay THIS TIME" so they both know it's not happening every time

readbooksdrinktea · 09/10/2023 15:06

Why doesn't he stop paying all the time? Is he afraid she won't hang out with him, then? She's not a friend in that case. He needs to put down a boundary, or people will know they can take advantage.

curaçao · 09/10/2023 15:07

well i think its pretty obvious he is trying to get into her knicjkers ( if not already), so maybe he considers it a good investment.

NoWinterYear · 09/10/2023 15:25

I wouldn't like it either. It sounds like either she's taking advantage of him or he has some strange ideas about how men and women should behave.

I'd talk to him about it if you haven't already.

WhereYouLeftIt · 09/10/2023 15:57

How did this even come about? What was the situation the first time he paid for them both? Did she moan about being skint, did he have some extra money he wanted to splurge? And how did it manage to continue since then?

ColoursChangingHue · 09/10/2023 16:12

Tell him it’s wrong, which it is plus how can we want equality if young women expect to be subbed all the time, even if it’s down purely to his generosity and she has not asked he has just been too generous.

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