To think DS shouldn’t be paying for female friend when they go out?

58 replies

WestieRonald · 09/10/2023 14:26

DS always pays when he goes out with his female friend (they’re 17). She will sometimes chip in with say their meal deals but he always pays for things like the cinema, proper dinner etc. and even if this develops into a relationship, I don’t think it’s healthy for him to pay everything. AIBU?

OP posts:

toomanyleggings · 10/10/2023 11:02

Personally I believe that men should pay on dates in the initial stages. However if she has no intention of dating him then he’s being used. He needs to ask her to be his girlfriend and if she says no move on and date a girl that actually likes him.

SpicedAppleAndFreshCider · 10/10/2023 11:06

Disturbia81 · 10/10/2023 10:56

@SpicedAppleAndFreshCider Eh? It's not because they are male. It's both parties! The man for buying her and the woman for expecting to be bought. I never referenced him only.

Sorry, I meant to quote @Clairebread.

caringcarer · 10/10/2023 12:12

He's worked for his money so can spend it anyway he pleases. My DH has always paid when we go out right from the beginning of our relationship. He likes to treat me. If I suggest I pay he looks hurt. We have roughly equal money so it's not like I can't afford it. Instead I buy him little treats to gift him just for no reason, instead which he really likes.

caringcarer · 10/10/2023 12:14

Jumperseason · 09/10/2023 17:07

He's trying to make her his girlfriend! My DH (when we were just friends and teenagers) always paid, he insisted. I thought he was kind natured and generous so made him my DH 😅 so this tactic does work for some women!

I think I probably did this too. 😂😂

Newmumatlast · 10/10/2023 12:20

I never really understood the whole men should pay thing unless you're a woman looking to be kept in which case you'd want to test drive whether a man is willing to do that. I never wanted to be kept and so didn't want to be paid for, I wanted to pay equally. I didn't want to feel like there was a transactional element either. So I guess it depends what your son wants. If he wants to be the main earner and pay for things in a relationship to have a woman who will pay her way in other ways then fine he can crack on. But it can end up quite costly when he isn't even achieving a relationship from it.

FrozenGhost · 10/10/2023 12:21

curaçao · 09/10/2023 15:07

well i think its pretty obvious he is trying to get into her knicjkers ( if not already), so maybe he considers it a good investment.

Exactly. Young man tries to seem generous and buy friends affections, not exactly a new story is it. I'm a woman and I always either pay the whole bill or split it, whether it's dating or friends, but I couldn't get worried about this OP.

Dweetfidilove · 10/10/2023 12:30

Another one of those things that only causes angst on MN…

I wonder where he’s learnt that ‘men pay for stuff? Is your household properly equal, OP?

If you’re a single parent, does his dad have him / share responsibilities equally?

Yoyoban · 10/10/2023 12:45

It really depends on the circumstances, if they're long-time good friends and she's poorer and just wouldn't be able to go to those places, he's the one wanting to go to them and would rather occasionally pay double to go with her than go alone/with a friend who can afford to pay, then as long as that's not every time they spend time together i.e. he'll also happily do cheaper things that she chooses as within her budget. I think that's ok.

If he's insisting on paying in the hopes/expectation of becoming her boyfriend then you need to tell him that a) she doesn't owe him a relationship because he buys her things and b) that's not a good dynamic for a relationship.

If she's demanding/requesting/hinting they do more expensive things and expecting him to pay then yes she's taking advantage of him and again you need to point that out to him.

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