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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have fought about this with DH re new house

67 replies

Fuckingwarhammer · 08/10/2023 07:54

We are moving in hopefully three months, having had an offer accepted on what is our dream house, a cottage in a little village. It’s gorgeous and one of the things that sold it was that the 4the bedroom that we will use as a study has built in floor to ceiling bookshelves, all painted beautifully in what is a really lovely room.

We have rented until now and just had our books squashed into IKEA bookshelves.

DH is a big warhammer fan and plays in a club once or twice a week, there are three bookshelves atm crammed with his armies and terrain and other bits plus his painting kit spread out over the kitchen table.

We were talking about the new study today and how nice it would look and he said he wants to put all his warhammer stuff on it that will take up several shelves when arranged properly into units etc.

AIBU to not want my new shelves covered in Grand Demons and bloodthirsters and whatever else tf they’re called!

He says they’re his shelves too which is completely true and fair and I know he has every right to put his warhammer stuff out but would just much rather the shelves be used for books!! AIBU?

OP posts:
AReallyOldBobTheBuilderFlannel · 08/10/2023 07:58

I’d be thrilled to have his stuff confined to one room, rather than in sight, and all over the kitchen table tbh.

AndIKnewYouMeantIt · 08/10/2023 07:59

Well. It's a shared house and he has as much right to the shelves as you. Can you not tell yourself that that gets rid of one or two of the old Ikea bookshelves of them elsewhere?

Mummy08m · 08/10/2023 08:00

You married a warhammer fan and this is part of the package.

I say that completely neutrally with no judgement on your dh

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 08/10/2023 08:01

YABU, it sounds the perfect place for them, especially if there are left over shelves for books too.

Simonjt · 08/10/2023 08:02

Well you’re a couple, so the house will belong to both of you, so surely you’ll both get half the shelving etc for your belongings, if you get to dictate what he puts on his shelves, in his wardrobe etc, then he has the right to choose what you put on yours as well.

Mummy08m · 08/10/2023 08:02

Although following that, I always assumed warhammer fans married other warhammer fans.

I am not a warhammer fan but I do play dnd, as does my dh...

You sound like you look down on his hobby a bit

FrenchandSaunders · 08/10/2023 08:03

I wfh and couldn’t look at those all day.

MintJulia · 08/10/2023 08:04

Can you afford to add a garden building where he can have his war hammer stuff spread out all the time?

You could make that a long term objective, which would give you your room back. But yes, pp is right, better to have it all confined to one room that you can shut the door on, rather than all over the kitchen.

Theunamedcat · 08/10/2023 08:04

Split the shelves in half?

PuttingDownRoots · 08/10/2023 08:07

If you don't have enough space for a room each you will have to share.

OrderOfTheKookaburra · 08/10/2023 08:08

If you feel that strongly about it (which quite frankly I think you're daft to) why don't you buy book cases with doors? It will help make sure his precious items don't get dusty...lol.

spitefulandbadgrammar · 08/10/2023 08:08

Better they’re all confined to one room than ruining the rest of the house. But he only gets half the shelves. They don’t get to invade your half.

Original poster
Fuckingwarhammer · 08/10/2023 08:25

The thing is they will still spread across the house. The shelves are for finished items but he’s always painting new ones and will still have to do that at the kitchen table.

I guess it’s just the thought of looking at them all day, I wfh so will be main user of the study.

Acceot it’s his space too and I am generally v supportive of his hobby, don’t mind when he goes out twice a week to play and have even learned the rules of a spin off game I play with him but just not mad about looking at a massive axe wielding monster all day tbh. Will just have save you for one of those garden rooms that he can make his warhammer rooms!

OP posts:
PuttingDownRoots · 08/10/2023 08:28

He needs a hobby cabinet, with a desk, so all his paints and models can be kept together and somewhere for them to dry.

Original poster
Fuckingwarhammer · 08/10/2023 08:30

Yes that would be ideal PuttingDownRoots.

OP posts:
spitefulandbadgrammar · 08/10/2023 08:32

I think if you’re the sole WFH person and he doesn’t, then it makes sense it’s your office and his Warhammer is banned from it, but the compromise is he gets an area that’s solely for Warhammer: storage, painting the things, whatever else.

maddening · 08/10/2023 08:33

I would look at the feasibility of a garden room which could house the lot and be a good space for a play and crafting space as well - a dedicated warcraft space.

MrsElsa · 08/10/2023 08:41

"We will use it as a study"

Sounds like you need 2 studies?

Mine disappears into the "hobby room" at every available opportunity and I actually regret buying a house with enough rooms for him to have somehow bagged one like this. Plastic crack and rule books everywhere, dirty dishes and food wrappers. Avoids DC and housework. I'm bored as hell with the repetitive arguments over it.

piscofrisco · 08/10/2023 08:51

I had this with my ex boyfriend. He wanted to put all his little gnomes and what not that he'd painted in some sort of display unit in our living room.

I said no.There were other people living in the house that didn't want to look at them. We had a really lovely 15th century house with a panelled lounge. They would have looked ridiculous and I'd no interest in living in what essentially would have looked like the room of a 14 year old boy.

The whole thing ended up giving me the ick in the end, amongst other things and that was the end of it!

That might be a bit extreme in your case, but I absolutely feel your pain.

Can be compromise? Does he need the whole 1000 piece goblin bloody army out or can he just have a few of his bigger more 'impressive' gnomes out?

I feel your pain op.

Shinyandnew1 · 08/10/2023 08:58

Why don’t you have that 4th room as a hobby room so his painting stuff is out there, rather than at the kitchen table, if you don’t want to look at it?

In an ideal world where you have the study all nice with all your books on the shelves instead, where would you want him to keep his War Hammer stuff?

RedHelenB · 08/10/2023 09:04

Theunamedcat · 08/10/2023 08:04

Split the shelves in half?

This

ProvisionsOnTheDock · 08/10/2023 09:11

YANBU. If you're the main user of the study, you should decide what goes on the shelves. Maybe there will be one tucked away out of your eyeline that he could have.
Wouldn't it be absolutely awful if a couple of Warhammer boxes got lost in the move? I do hope that doesn't happen. Wink

TroysMammy · 08/10/2023 09:18

Is it because of the look of the room you want it as a study? Are the other bedrooms for children?

commonground · 08/10/2023 09:26

My 16 year old relative keeps his warhammer in boxes with foam inserts. Do you have space for a couple of vintage looking plan chests he could lay foam into? They look nice as furniture in a study and would be so satisfying to pull the drawers out and see all the little orcs or whatevs nestled in neat rows.

Although I suspect as your user name suggests, this isn't just about the bookshelves....

To have fought about this with DH re new house
Mummy08m · 08/10/2023 09:34

Wouldn't it be absolutely awful if a couple of Warhammer boxes got lost in the move?

I know you were joking, but yes, that would be awful, abusive and controlling.

Why do so many women seem to marry men they don't particularly like or respect?!

I have no interest in warhammer myself and so I haven't married a man who is into it, just to sneer about it.