To have fought about this with DH re new house

[Fuckingwarhammer]

We are moving in hopefully three months, having had an offer accepted on what is our dream house, a cottage in a little village. It’s gorgeous and one of the things that sold it was that the 4the bedroom that we will use as a study has built in floor to ceiling bookshelves, all painted beautifully in what is a really lovely room.

We have rented until now and just had our books squashed into IKEA bookshelves.

DH is a big warhammer fan and plays in a club once or twice a week, there are three bookshelves atm crammed with his armies and terrain and other bits plus his painting kit spread out over the kitchen table.

We were talking about the new study today and how nice it would look and he said he wants to put all his warhammer stuff on it that will take up several shelves when arranged properly into units etc.

AIBU to not want my new shelves covered in Grand Demons and bloodthirsters and whatever else tf they’re called!

He says they’re his shelves too which is completely true and fair and I know he has every right to put his warhammer stuff out but would just much rather the shelves be used for books!! AIBU?

I'm married to a Warhammer fan and got him his own display unit... compromise!

I'm just pleased that you named war hammer and didn't say 'hobby that takes up a lot of shelves' 😀

Can you give him the room make it clear that all warhammer making and display, bar a few choice pieces, go in that room?

I'd absolutely hate having them in there. Do you have a place for them in mind somewhere else in the house though that you could suggest?

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Hobby cabinet?

Where do you want him to keep his things?

Where would you propose he puts them if not there?

(that sounds passive aggressive and isn’t supposed to be! genuine question: what’s the alternative?)

I’d also prefer a shelf full of books, but if the alternative was warhammer on display elsewhere in the house, I’d accept them on the shelves!

At the end of the day he's right, it is his house too. They have to go somewhere and so if not in those shelves then where? Either buy another cabinet or find another location but he does have the right to put his stuff somewhere. I think banishing him to a garden shed is a bit unreasonable unless you'd be happy going there too.

Houses are for living in. Sometimes it seems that the decor overrides the happiness of the inhabitants.

I don’t know if that’s how it is here but there’s definitely hostility over those little figures which dh is so excited about.

My husband does warhammer and we live in a 3 bed terrace and all the bedrooms are bedrooms. And I also dislike looking at his models/using valuable shelf space on them, so I get where you're coming from.

He has a bureau desk for his painting in the dining room. He can have all his paint pots and brushes etc set up and we can just close the front of the desk. It's a nice scandi looking bureau from made.com I think.

We have built in shelves in the alcoves in the dining room. He has half the shelves for his warhammer stuff. He keeps the models in plastic boxes with magnetic liners so he can put the models onto the magnetic sheet and they don't move around if you take the box off the shelf. Think this is also useful for transporting them to games at his club and much cheaper than the cases with foam in. Keeping them in the boxes also means they don't get dusty and he can stack the boxes to make the best use of the space. It was a bit ridiculous when he had one inch models on a shelf that was about 30cm deep. This is his dedicated space for his stuff and if he wants to buy more stuff he has to find a suitable storage space for it, which usually means buying more boxes and choosing some models which he doesn't use often and retiring them to the loft. If he tried to spill over I will ask him to move it and he does. Or if it's a small item I just put it in his bureau desk so I don't have to look at it.

Wish we had a spare bedroom it could all go in!

Half each

Don't be a child, OP. You are not the boss of him.

You have assumed you can arrange the room 100%,he is talking about his half of the space.

This.

Thanks for all the helpful replies!

I should add that the books I wanted to fill the shelves with are his too, he’s as big a reader as I am. Some of them are even Warhsmmer books 😂

Brefugee, it’s not childish to not want to look at shelves full of plastic models wielding hammers and painted with blood dripping down their faces and bodies while I’m on my Teams calls. Some of them have pus too. I think they are called unclean ones or something.

I would hate that!! Do you have a garage or even a garden shed he could use?

DH has a mancave area in the garage where he keeps all his crap!!

Solution re Teams calls though - use a background, and the other people on the call won't see anything.

I think this is a disingenuous reason to object to the figurines. Tilting your camera slightly to the left or right would do the job.

The fundamental reason is: you think warhammer is a childish and silly hobby and you wish you could avoid being reminded that your dh does it.

I maintain that you shouldn't have married a warhammer fan in the first place if you look down on it so much. And imo your contempt will be injurious to your marriage in the long run.

I say this as someone who also has no interest in warhammer

Get a curtain to pull across his bookcase.

you think warhammer is a childish and silly hobby and you wish you could avoid being reminded that your dh does it

Exactly. DH is a Warhammer fan and I spent years with all the paraphernalia in our room until we were able to move to a new house.

They might not be your cup of tea but they are something that takes a huge amount of time, patience and skill to put together and paint and it’s his house, he shouldn’t have to hide his interests away.

Totally agree.

Not saying that OP is like this, but people who have shelves of books simple because of the aesthetic get a hard eye-roll from me.

Painting warhammer models takes some serious skill and patience. My husband used to do it, and I was always amazed and would show his display off at every opportunity.

It's sad that you can't see that. The only answer is to share the shelves 50/50 and tilt your camera so it's not on Teams.

Or, give him the whole room and you use a desk elsewhere for work.

This.

you call them your shelves. They aren’t, they are both your shelves, so half each. You don’t get to dictate and claim them as yours.

Does the room lend itself to a layout where you have your back to the shelves? And use a teams background for calls.
Will you share the room outside of working hours so he can enjoy his collection?

Maybe the compromise is the more gruesome ones get stored carefully in boxes while those which you can tolerate are out in the shelves.

Alternatively, can you fit some Roman blinds to the warhammer bookcases, or doors, to screen them?

Ultimately it is a shared house and you should both be able to display your own things. I don't like all of DH's Knick-knacks and he doesn't like mine. But we both want some of our stuff on display so have agreed which we can tolerate on public display while the rest is for private.