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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have fought about this with DH re new house

67 replies

Fuckingwarhammer · 08/10/2023 07:54

We are moving in hopefully three months, having had an offer accepted on what is our dream house, a cottage in a little village. It’s gorgeous and one of the things that sold it was that the 4the bedroom that we will use as a study has built in floor to ceiling bookshelves, all painted beautifully in what is a really lovely room.

We have rented until now and just had our books squashed into IKEA bookshelves.

DH is a big warhammer fan and plays in a club once or twice a week, there are three bookshelves atm crammed with his armies and terrain and other bits plus his painting kit spread out over the kitchen table.

We were talking about the new study today and how nice it would look and he said he wants to put all his warhammer stuff on it that will take up several shelves when arranged properly into units etc.

AIBU to not want my new shelves covered in Grand Demons and bloodthirsters and whatever else tf they’re called!

He says they’re his shelves too which is completely true and fair and I know he has every right to put his warhammer stuff out but would just much rather the shelves be used for books!! AIBU?

OP posts:

Hankunamatata · 08/10/2023 18:25

Let him use one of book shelves and hang a curtain in front of it that you can close when you are working. It will also help with dust

bonzaitree · 08/10/2023 18:27

You OH has a right to put his things up in his own home. I have all sorts up I wouldn’t chose- photo with a football star, darts board etc.

because… it isn’t my house. It’s our house. My OH can put his things up. And also it isn’t a show home!

bonzaitree · 08/10/2023 18:28

Hankunamatata · 08/10/2023 18:25

Let him use one of book shelves and hang a curtain in front of it that you can close when you are working. It will also help with dust

LET him??

Lots of controlling people on here.

TeenLifeMum · 08/10/2023 18:28

At least it’s not the hall or living room!

luckysonofagun · 08/10/2023 18:29

Is there no loft??

Giggorata · 08/10/2023 18:36

You don't mention if you have children.
Maybe you could have a Warhammer themed guest bedroom…

Lavenderosa · 08/10/2023 18:36

You need to share the space so just put blinds or doors on the warhammer shelves, which you can hide while at work.

GOODCAT · 08/10/2023 18:37

We split our shelves half each. His have pictures of planes and cars on and books on the same subject and a completely different colour and aesthetic to mine. Mine are horse, sport and nature related.

I am the only one who ever WFH, but the only desk is in "his" room, so it has cars and planes as the background to my Teams calls. This would not be my preference, but when we moved in neither of us WFH and I got to do the boot room my way and in exchange he got the spare room to do his way.

Most of the rest of the house is a mish mash of both of us. I tell myself I like decor that reflects our personalities. We both have power of veto but it is rarely exercised.

I would not be keen on your husband's taste either. The compromise might be that he keeps them elsewhere in the house or you get to work elsewhere. If need be, could one of you have a garden room for either WFH or hobbies.

GOODCAT · 08/10/2023 18:39

My colleague who WFH has a really nice room divider that she rolls behind her to screen off whatever it is she doesn't want us to see.

LoobyDop · 08/10/2023 18:39

Why is the question “why are so many women controlling about their husbands proudly displaying the output of their hobbies”, rather than “why do so many men have fucking stupid hobbies that produce little plastic goblins”? I’ve never heard anyone complaining about having a room full of wood carvings, or stained glass, or Japanese calligraphy. Warhammer may take a lot of skill, but the result is still ugly gore. Why would any sane adult want that in the background of their Teams calls?

Bdhegdjeob · 08/10/2023 18:39

Why not put nice book cases around the house, small ones. Then keep war hammer to one room. He is right and you should share but don’t hide the books away. He will like to look at his stuff but probably knows public display isn’t great nor is splitting his collection. Books are more versatile

Someoneonlyyouknow · 08/10/2023 18:51

Can you arrange the office so you don't have to look at the Warhammer models while you're working (although that may put them into the background of your Teams calls)? And maybe find another space for the model building other than the dining table.

Sounds like a lovely new home.

LyndaSnellsSniff · 08/10/2023 18:55

OP I feel your pain. I'm married to a board gamer and our box room/office plus eaves storage is rammed with board games. They're in triple figures. I don't begrudge his hobby; it's sociable, keeps the brain active and it makes him happy. But, the games don't just stay in the box room. They've started to encroach elsewhere.

I just have to suck it up really.

DemelzaandRoss · 10/10/2023 11:52

Warhammer is a complicated,strategic game, for those who are not sure about it.
The awkward aspect is that it seems to breed in the night & before you know it the armies, weapons & landscaping & books spread out mysteriously into every nook & cranny.
However, I guess you knew about the hobby before you got together.
The study seems a great area to try & contain it, so I would be overjoyed to keep it in one room. As hobbies go it’s not too bad. Mostly done at home or other similarly keen people’s homes.

Mummy08m · 10/10/2023 12:06

LoobyDop · 08/10/2023 18:39

The thing is, what might be a stupid hobby in your eyes is a wholesome and delightful hobby to someone else.

For example, my mum regularly hennas her hair and has done since I was a teen (and therefore was still living with her). It required a whole drawerful of paraphernalia, was extremely smelly, took her a whole afternoon every fortnight. I thought it was stupid and frivolous and pointless and smelly and took up valuable storage in her small flat. But I love and respect her and if that's what she wants to do, that's that. It does no harm.

I like playing dungeons and dragons, and RPG games. I'd be beyond hurt if my dh was scathing about how stupid that is. Luckily he likes them too - not as much as I do, but wouldn't mind if I put themed art up or something.

My main point is, if you love someone then you'll accept their harmless hobbies. Don't marry someone you feel contempt for, surely that's obvious?!

ButWhatAboutTheBees · 10/10/2023 12:06

LoobyDop · 08/10/2023 18:39

You sound lovely

So hobbies are only ok if YOU like the output?

Rude

LoobyDop · 10/10/2023 21:58

Well, @Mummy08m made me feel bad, and @ButWhatAboutTheBees didn’t. But the thing is, the blood and gore is ugly to, I’m guessing, the majority of people who care about aesthetics. So if you have one model painter and one interior design fan in a couple, their hobbies are incompatible.

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