To have spent 12 years of child benefit?

[FullMoomin]

Having a panic attack.
I've just calculated that over the past 12 years of spending child benefit every month I've spent over £20,000!!!!!
I should have saved this money for DC!
If I had saved it, I could give it to them.
Turns out all my friends have been quietly saving theirs and now have a nice big monet pot to give their DC when they turn 18!
Now I feel horrifically guilty that my DC wo t get that, when all their friends will.
Oh help, really panicking.
I will never, ever be in the financial situation to pay £16,000 back to them.
The money goes in to my account each month and first it got spent on nappies, food, supplementing my reduced income, then when they went to school it got used for school uniform, new shoes, clubs, food, etc.
Suddenly 12 years has crept up on me and I haven't saved a penny of it.
Only 4 years of CHB to go now and then it stops!! I feel like I've seriously failed my DC.

Plenty of us manage without several thousand to piss away at 18/21/25. The only "lump sum" I got as an adult was inheritance, and I'd rather have the people who died than their money. That money went towards the house deposit for my DC's security anyway. It wouldn't have been used nearly as sensibly if I'd had it 10 years earlier.

My parents used my CB to ensure I got to adulthood. I do the same for my DC

So what?

My parents spent my child benefit on things I needed. They couldn't have afforded to save it. It's meant to provide a minimum amount of money on top of earnings or UC to raise a child. You've done what you're meant to do with it. What would you have done without that money? Dressed your kids in rags?

We're you wanting a pat on the head?

I thought the whole point of child benefit was to spend on your child? My eldest is 12 too, couldn't really afford to save it. It has paid for food, clothing, shoes, school trips, uniform. Also, my parents didn't gift me £20,000 and I am okay!

I agree fully with the above, the single salary threshold also makes no sense it should be combined income for dual households or a higher threshold for single households.
I have friends who use it as uni fund pot have a higher combined income then our household but manage to be below the threshold due to pension contributions.
We don't claim it as the self assessment we would pay it all back - fine but it does erk me that people aren't using it for what is intended which is raising children.

If you’d saved it, how would you have afforded nappies and childcare and school uniform?

You can only save it if you have enough already that it’s completely spare money.

We haven’t saved ours. Your DC will be fine without it. If you’ve got spare money now, put that away for them if you want to.

You’ve spent the money on making his childhood easier and better.

You’ve been living in the now, rather than focusing too much on the future.

Kids don’t care about what they will get from you in the future when they are adults, but they do care about what they want and need from you NOW as children.

That £80 you wish you put in savings has benefitted your child while he’s been a child. And I’m sure there have been plenty of times where it’s made him very happy. Perhaps it’s paid towards a birthday present he really wanted or it paid for a school trip. And even when it’s gone on every day things like food and heating which as a concept will be very boring to him, children need to eat and keep warm. As an adult he will feed himself and keep himself warm. When he’s a child you need to provide that for him.

And although children think things like food and warmth just come out of nowhere and he doesn’t have to be grateful for these things that you give to him, he would have been pretty miserable if you were struggling and you made him eat beans on toast in the cold. And even if you wouldn’t have struggled, maybe the £80 has ensured he’s eaten more fresh varied food. So whatever way you look at it, that £80 over the past 12 years has ensured his childhood has been better than it would have been if you had saved it.

Congratulations, you've done exactly what most other parents claiming CB have done, why would you feel bad about that?!

Our CB has gone towards putting food on the table, topping up our income (along with tax credits) when we both worked minimum wage jobs with no hours, when our direct debits were bouncing because we had no money left and we're robbing Peter to pay Paul. We're in a better situation now but that money still goes on the household pot and it's still a struggle to make ends meet. Should we be making it even more difficult for ourselves by putting that money into savings for the kids?

You have used it for what it’s meant for.
If people can save it every month until their child is 16/18 I would argue that they don’t need it in the first place. Surely it’s to help with the day to day costs of raising children?

Just look into this Haveilostit- if you have periods not working to raise children I think having CB paid protects your state pension as it counts towards your years paying NI? So may be worth jumping through the hoops even if you don't benefit right now.

Your point about the disparity is much better than the one you quote- people usually tie themselves into knots over 'need' on this topic.

It's a ridiculous system. In particular it shits all over single parents, who of course are disproportionately women.

YABVU. The Child Benefit is to cover everyday living costs - just like you’ve done with it. If someone is able to squirrel it all away into a savings account, they clearly don’t need it.

OP, it’s the only benefit that was (is?) not based on how well-off you are. Those able to do without it could choose to save it, but you were not in that position. Please don’t beat yourself up over it - you clearly needed the benefit to help out with feeding and clothing your DC, and not all DC are going to get financial help at 28 - indeed: many 18-year-olds are simply going to waste that kind of lump sum and still not be able to get on the property ladder!

If you hadn't spent the money, your child would have had a miserable childhood. I personally would rather my children have as good a childhood as possible so they know what to strive for when they themselves are adults, rather than a miserable childhood but a better start to adult life. It's not like they'll be starting adult life on minus - they just won't have the leg up that the vast majority in the UK don't.

You're fine. Your child will be fine.

Child benefit is for the children, and by buying food , nappies , paying gas and electric , school uniform and everything the child needs you’ve spent it on your child.

DO NOT feel bad that your friends have been lucky enough to save theirs.

If you said you had saved it and spent £20k on a Maldives holiday for yourself I’d say your selfish but by day to day living you most certainly aren’t.

Give yourself a break lady x

Does this mean you have two children, so you would have had to split the money between them? Are your children both 12?

Stop being ridiculous.

You spent it on things the kid needed - like food, nappies, electricity, a roof over his head.

If somebody else is wealthy enough to not spend the equivalent, great for them, but it's never supposed to have been a free pocket money, solely buying toys or savings account payment.

You used it in a way that directly benefitted your child.

This is why the benefits system is so wrong - if it was saved - then they didn't need it for their children - after all child benefit is for the costs of raising a children - please don't feel guilty - those who saved it because they didn't need it are the ones who should feel that they didn't really need it

This is so ridiculous that it's laughable. You honestly think everyone saves their cb? You are being completely unreasonable and a little pathetic to be panicking.
Some people can afford to, some can't, some people can't even last a month whether they work, claim benefits or a mixture of both. Seriously, get a grip.

So you have lots of rich friends. Very very few people could afford to do this, they need the cb for raising kids. Like you are supposed to. Really your friends sound quite immoral.

Please don't feel guilty OP, child benefit is to help with the costs of having a child so you've done nothing wrong by using it for that. Of course it's good to save something for your child if you can, but there's nothing that states it must be all or even any of the child benefit. Ignore anyone who tries to make you feel guilty, guilt is not going to change anything and isn't necessary either.

Wasnt there a whole controversy years ago about parents claiming it & saving it as 'they didn't need it' when it was supposed to be to help with the cost of raising children ??

As for wether you've messed up yes £20,000 would have been a life changing amount but it's not their lifestyle is it ? The most beneficial thing you can do for your children now would be to help them when they need it, or help them get better financing if they need it (car loan's/home loans ect.)

Not much else you can do

@countrygirl99 you sound extremely bitter and grudgeful about others choices. Maybe you should work on that?

CB is to help with the cost of raising children, it's not meant to be saved for them. You did the right thing. Stop panicking FFS.