Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have spent 12 years of child benefit?

1000 replies

FullMoomin · 08/10/2023 05:10

Having a panic attack.
I've just calculated that over the past 12 years of spending child benefit every month I've spent over £20,000!!!!!
I should have saved this money for DC!
If I had saved it, I could give it to them.
Turns out all my friends have been quietly saving theirs and now have a nice big monet pot to give their DC when they turn 18!
Now I feel horrifically guilty that my DC wo t get that, when all their friends will.
Oh help, really panicking.
I will never, ever be in the financial situation to pay £16,000 back to them.
The money goes in to my account each month and first it got spent on nappies, food, supplementing my reduced income, then when they went to school it got used for school uniform, new shoes, clubs, food, etc.
Suddenly 12 years has crept up on me and I haven't saved a penny of it.
Only 4 years of CHB to go now and then it stops!! I feel like I've seriously failed my DC.

OP posts:
PosterBoy · 08/10/2023 08:15

So your friends are either richer or more frugal than you, and now you know.

This is how inherited wealth works. People pass their money on where they can.

The next big divide is student loans. Perhaps your kids will get a larger loan. On the other hand, your friends may have to spend £££ topping up student loans - possibly with those very savings.

The money wasn't actually the CB money. It was their disposable income. You either had less or spent it on different things. Same with houses, cars, holidays.

Lancasterel · 08/10/2023 08:15

It’s for the benefit of your children as they grow up, not a savings plan for them! Which is good, as it’s means-tested. We never qualified for CB but also won’t have £20k in savings for either of them when they get to 18 🤷‍♀️

Ollifer · 08/10/2023 08:15

If it was meant to be the child's money it would be paid into an account and released to them when they are 18. This is ridiculous, I don't know a single person who saved it all up as a lump sum, I never got a lump sum from my parents at 18 and didn't expect to! And I doubt my child will get one, I'm spending money on paying for my mortgage and bills and everything she needs, clothes, toys, holidays, etc. Never occurred to me I should feel guilty for that.

GreenwichOrTwicks · 08/10/2023 08:16

More concerning is your attitude to money. We can all calculate what we ‘should not have spent money on’ but that is not healthy.

funinthesun19 · 08/10/2023 08:16

Someone I know says he’s saving his DD’s CB the same way your friends have done. And yet he regularly goes on about how he and his partner are struggling to provide for her. Now if he really is saving that money for her he’s an absolute idiot.

Some people focus far too much on when their kids are adults and want them to have a “house deposit” from them, when they could be focusing on bringing up a happy well fed child instead.

echt · 08/10/2023 08:16

sparklefresh · 08/10/2023 08:15

CB is to help with the cost of raising children, it's not meant to be saved for them. You did the right thing. Stop panicking FFS.

Your first clause is correct but I defy you to find anything on gov.uk that says it's not meant for saving.

radiantorange · 08/10/2023 08:17

Well, I save my DS’s every month, it goes into the NY 2027 fund so we can all go to NY and Canada when my husband and I are 15 years married. Do I feel bad about it? No. Previously I’ve either bought him clothes with it or put it in his savings account.

drinkuptheezider · 08/10/2023 08:17

it's supposed to be spent. To be honest ,if your friends give it to their kids? More fool them, it will be blown on, clothes nights out, takeaways,holidays etc, unless they have total nerds for kids. They will be lucky to have £1 at 19!
Don't feel guilty. You used it for the intended purpose.

Uggtrending · 08/10/2023 08:18

@PosterBoy I'm glad you've highlighted those points. I thought the points you made would be common sense! I agree with you

seven201 · 08/10/2023 08:18

alwayscrashinginthesamecar1 · 08/10/2023 05:17

Oh come on. You are being ridiculous! It is supposed to be spent, not saved. And that is what most people do. You haven't done anything wrong!

I agree with this. My dd is 7 and I have spent and am still planning on spending the rest on raising my dd. That's what it's for.

SusiePevensie · 08/10/2023 08:19

Here's the thing. Rich people save because they have spare cash at the end of the month, because they have more cash at the start of the month. Poor people don't, because they don't. It's not a morality story, it's an economics story. Your friends saved the CB because they didn't need to spend it. You did.

bigageap · 08/10/2023 08:20

Did your children go hungry growing up? Did the child benefit help ensure they didn’t go hungry? If so then why are you giving it a 2nd thought.

sandgrown · 08/10/2023 08:20

CHB was introduced in the days when many women didn’t work . It was paid to the mum so dad couldn’t spend it on other things . There were times as a single parent when only the CHB kept us afloat. I used to collect it in cash weekly on a Monday and head straight to Kwiksave for some shopping. I could not have saved it up. Please don’t feel guilty OP.

echt · 08/10/2023 08:20

SusiePevensie · 08/10/2023 08:19

Here's the thing. Rich people save because they have spare cash at the end of the month, because they have more cash at the start of the month. Poor people don't, because they don't. It's not a morality story, it's an economics story. Your friends saved the CB because they didn't need to spend it. You did.

This.

Livelovebehappy · 08/10/2023 08:21

Your friends are the exception, not the norm. I don’t know anyone who claims to have done this, although I appreciate most people would keep this sort of thing private rather than throwing it out to everyone.

00100001 · 08/10/2023 08:21

It's not for them to have when they're older. It's for you to spend on their needs growing up like you know...food.

Sehenswürdigkeiten · 08/10/2023 08:21

radiantorange · 08/10/2023 08:17

Well, I save my DS’s every month, it goes into the NY 2027 fund so we can all go to NY and Canada when my husband and I are 15 years married. Do I feel bad about it? No. Previously I’ve either bought him clothes with it or put it in his savings account.

🫣🫣🫣🫣

Boysnme · 08/10/2023 08:21

BeenThereDoneThat101 · 08/10/2023 05:51

In the nicest possible way, get a grip.

Child benefit is there to help with the costs of raising children, not to be given to your children at eighteen.

And frankly I think the idea of giving children a lump sum to piss up the wall at eighteen is obscene. Because at eighteen that’s exactly what they will do with it.

Even my will doesn’t allow my DC to have anything until they’re 25 if I die, simply because before that they’re just not responsible enough to spend it wisely.

But ultimately I agree with PP, if people are saving the child benefit then they should be giving it back. It’s not for saving, and if they can afford to do that then clearly they don’t need it. This is why there’s an upper threshold for receiving it.

This.

You have spent CB on exactly what it was for. If there are that many people saving CB for their children when they turn 18 then the benefit cap needs lowered.

I do however suspect that most of your friends are not actually doing this.

Do not get yourself worked up by this. You are not obliged to give your grown up children anything but if you do, you could start saving now to give them something when they are older.

Uggtrending · 08/10/2023 08:23

@radiantorange that sounds amazing can I come to NY too!!

WhoWhereHow · 08/10/2023 08:23

Okay, so say you saved the child benefit.

How would you have paid for nappies? Or the school shoes?

Pretty sure your children needed school shoes at the time more than they need a lump sum at 18.

If you were on here saying 'I spent all the child benefit on cigarettes and vodka' then it might be a different conversation.

CuriouslyMinded · 08/10/2023 08:23

I've been saving my DD's because I've been fortunate enough to have paid maternity leave, but if ever I need to spend it on her (school uniform, heating our home etc.) I definitely wouldn't feel bad. We're all just doing the best we can with what we have. You sound like a wonderful, caring mum. Please don't beat yourself up about any of this.

Hibernatalie · 08/10/2023 08:25

If you are really really panicking over this then it sounds like the child benefit is a red herring - you don't sound well. I mean that nicely.

echt · 08/10/2023 08:25

00100001 · 08/10/2023 08:21

It's not for them to have when they're older. It's for you to spend on their needs growing up like you know...food.

Says who? Apart from you, that is (and a shitload of posters of this thread). There are no instructions on the packet because the UK government, thank God, treats adults as adults for once.

WilderRose · 08/10/2023 08:25

I haven't read the whole thread. Apologies.
I have spent cb each month. My oldest university age and I recently realised I had not prepared at all. Momentary guilt but chatted to him about it. He has taken a year out working to earn money. 18 year old pay but pretty full time job that he is quite enjoying and learning so much from. He will start university next year instead and totally on board with this.

AutumnAuntie · 08/10/2023 08:25

What’s the point in panicking?

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In
This thread is not accepting new messages.