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Original poster

To have spent 12 years of child benefit?

1000 replies

FullMoomin · 08/10/2023 05:10

Having a panic attack.
I've just calculated that over the past 12 years of spending child benefit every month I've spent over £20,000!!!!!
I should have saved this money for DC!
If I had saved it, I could give it to them.
Turns out all my friends have been quietly saving theirs and now have a nice big monet pot to give their DC when they turn 18!
Now I feel horrifically guilty that my DC wo t get that, when all their friends will.
Oh help, really panicking.
I will never, ever be in the financial situation to pay £16,000 back to them.
The money goes in to my account each month and first it got spent on nappies, food, supplementing my reduced income, then when they went to school it got used for school uniform, new shoes, clubs, food, etc.
Suddenly 12 years has crept up on me and I haven't saved a penny of it.
Only 4 years of CHB to go now and then it stops!! I feel like I've seriously failed my DC.

OP posts:
Oblahdeeoblahdoe · 08/10/2023 12:14

So could you have afforded to save it at the time or would your DC have gone without? You can only save if you can afford it.
A friend of mine gave her DS a lump sum and he blew it in the first month of uni. After that she continually had to bail him out of debt, did him no favours at all.

LuckOfTheDrawer · 08/10/2023 12:16

This is madness.

The money is to put towards raising you children, and you did that.

If you can also afford to save for them, then start that now.

Comparison is the thief of joy.

00100001 · 08/10/2023 12:16

Condo · 08/10/2023 12:05

We never had it and I’m pretty disgusted to be honest that it isn’t used for its intended purpose. People who can afford to save it don’t need it.

Ermmm... it's intended for the child. Who says it has to be spent the month you get it?

What's stopping me saving up for 6 months to pay for child's swimming lessons?

Cowlover89 · 08/10/2023 12:17

Don't panic. You haven't let your kids down x

LuluBlakey1 · 08/10/2023 12:17

Start saving it now and you can give them £7,200

Feliciacat · 08/10/2023 12:18

Am I right in thinking that everyone can claim CB even if they’re over the threshold? Because SAHMs wouldn’t get NI contributions if this wasn’t claimed? That’s a scenario where claiming when over the limit seems ok.

Hurryupbuttercup · 08/10/2023 12:18

Saving something isn't the same as routinely saving it all

From what I can remember, it didn't say save " something", it said save for your child's future. It's up to the parents then to decide who much they want to save. And if they want to save it all , so be it.

TrashedSofa · 08/10/2023 12:20

Cheeseandquackers21 · 08/10/2023 12:12

This makes me so so angry. Child benefit should be for spending right now for uniform clubs etc not saving. If you can save you don't need it. :( I'm a tax payer, and I understand most people who have benefits etc actually need it. But this makes me so angry.

Do you feel that level of anger about those of us who don't save the money specifically, but could pay for uniform and clubs without using it? Is there a limit on the clubs and activities that are reasonable?

Tereseta · 08/10/2023 12:20

To be honest, if they saved theirs and didn't need it for child expenses then maybe it is time it was reviewed. You have done what the majority of families have done with theirs and it sounds like your friends are in a privileged position. Also I don't think I would give it a second thought if one of my friends did something different with their money to me. They sound a bit judging.

justjeansandanicetop · 08/10/2023 12:21

FullMoomin · 08/10/2023 05:29

Sorry for swearing.
I don't usually swear! Highly stressed since calculating this!!!
It all started off by a colleague casually mentioning in conversation that she had a 'huge pot of money' from 18 years of CHB savings to give to her DS, she said it will completely change his start in to adult life.
I nearly fell off my chair when she told me how much she'd accumulated from saving CHB.
I had never even thought to save my CHB. I'd just always been incredibly grateful for it every month. Each month for 12 years that it's gone in to my account I've received it and thought "Thank you, I am so grateful for this".
So I asked around a few friends and said "My colleague told me she's giving a lump sum of 18 years of CHB to her DS...." and all my friends save theirs too. One said "Yeah, it adds up nicely doesn't it, we've got ours in a savings account and the interest is helping too now". Another said "Our DC will get double that because we've always matched the CHB", and everyone else has just agreed that they've saved theirs too.
Every one of my friends looked a mixture of shocked and dismayed when I said I haven't saved ours!
I've been suffering high level anxiety ever since!!! I really feel I've let my DC down.

Oh get a grip.

You're not thinking logically. You've just said yourself that every month you were grateful for the money. That you spent it on nappies, school shoes etc. ie exactly as intended.

So what do you think you should have done? Put it in a savings account for your kids? And then how would you have paid for nappies and school shoes? Credit card? So you'd have £12k on credit cards (plus interest)? Would that be a preferable situation for you?

Honestly, calm down. There is no alternative.

Your friends are obviously fairly well off to be have been in receipt of money that they didn't need,

But that's a separate issue.

itsgoodtobehome · 08/10/2023 12:23

I never saved mine. If I'm honest, I'm not even sure I spent it on DC. It just went into my account and got absorbed with everything else.

LuckOfTheDrawer · 08/10/2023 12:24

Anyway, what difference would it make whether I save around £100 per month for my child, or whether I specifically save the child benefit every month for them? My point is that people that say they save the child benefit every month are still spending the equivalent from their money raising their children, so in effect they're just saving some of their money 🧐.

The government chooses to subsidise raising children. I think this is a good thing - in time, the children will become adults who pay back into the system.

stayathomer · 08/10/2023 12:25

My friend did this and I’m so jealous but had we not spent it there were times we would have gotten cut off electricity wise, kids wouldn’t have gotten to the doctor, we wouldn’t have been able to do a shopping etc etc. About a year ago we saved it enough for back to school when our bill came to about €750 . Never ever ever have regrets over money that had to be spent x

LuckOfTheDrawer · 08/10/2023 12:26

itsgoodtobehome · 08/10/2023 12:23

I never saved mine. If I'm honest, I'm not even sure I spent it on DC. It just went into my account and got absorbed with everything else.

But of course you spent it on your DC - the amounts are so low, that you couldn't spend less than this per month on them.

I mean, you don't need to account for the origin of each £ as you spend it, but overall you'll spend more than any child benefit on your children.

Gem397 · 08/10/2023 12:27

NetZeroZealot · 08/10/2023 11:49

There's a ridiculous assumption by many on this thread that those of us who saved money for your children during their childhood present them with a no-strings attached lump sum on the day of their 18th birthday.

And then the child blows it all on drink, drugs and partying.

Well it doesn't work like that. Some will have used it for expenses like driving lessons, Uni living costs, etc. I handed over money to one DC on condition that they open a Lifetime ISA which can only be spent on a house deposit or pension.

Whether or not is is CB, it all comes out of the same household income pot.

I think it’s more a case of people trying to make the OP feel better…

I’m sure she - and many PPs - know how having savings could be advantageous to her children but I’m sure she did also make it clear she’s not really in the position to save a huge sum of money.

HelloGoodby · 08/10/2023 12:27

Also even if you are over threshold, claim so your child gets their National Insurance number automatically.

TrashedSofa · 08/10/2023 12:27

LuckOfTheDrawer · 08/10/2023 12:26

But of course you spent it on your DC - the amounts are so low, that you couldn't spend less than this per month on them.

I mean, you don't need to account for the origin of each £ as you spend it, but overall you'll spend more than any child benefit on your children.

Show quote history

Yeah, you're bound to have spent the CB amount and more just on keeping them alive!

Janieforever · 08/10/2023 12:30

What do they honestly think that their 18year old will do with the money.
Buy a car and wrap it round a tree, drink, drugs, lots of partying for their new found freeloaders friends at university

how very sad that’s your experience of 18 year olds. Is that what your kids would do? It must be if you think this. Or is that what you’d have done? My child used it to help fund 3 years of uni, and even then living on a strict budget. So my child did hugely benefit from child benefit.

unfortunately for those upset by it, it is not a benefit that is only available to those in poverty who can’t afford to buy nasppies or feed their own children. It is paid to the vast majority of families who should use it in the way that best benefits their child. That’s what it’s designed for.

readbooksdrinktea · 08/10/2023 12:33

Autumnleaves89 · 08/10/2023 06:20

You’re being ridiculous. I don’t know a single person who’s saved their child benefit to give a lump sum to their child. That’s NOT what it’s for. It’s actually shit that government money is funding more affluent kids to have a big fat payout when they leave home that kids from poorer backgrounds won’t get.

Agree with this. You need to stop panicking and realise you've used the money for the intended purpose.

Condo · 08/10/2023 12:37

@00100001 I personally wouldn’t have an issue with it but again it’s a moot point I couldn’t stop it could I?!

my personal belief are that benefits are a safety net not a way of life and if you can afford to not spend it and give it to DC to blow at 18 then you should not be in receipt of it.

Caerulea · 08/10/2023 12:37

OP this is normal! Most people rely on CB to get through the month. The fact it isn't means tested results in ppl getting it that don't need it so, sure, they can just put it aside & do the batshit crazy thing of letting an 18yo have 20k lmao.

You did what you needed & your son will be just fine & probably more resilient than those handed a huge sum. There's a probably a bunch of stuff you could work out you didn't need to buy & be horrified at the amount you would have had. It's just living.

Would your family life have been improved or unaffected by NOT using the CB as intended over the last 12yrs? Highly unlikely for the vast majority.

Also might want some slightly less braggy friends ;)

vivainsomnia · 08/10/2023 12:41

I have to single parent friends who saved it for their children. It was a real sacrifice to do do but they felt it would be a nice surprise for their kids at 18.

Transfer was made and both kids had spent it all in a few months on nothing valuable. A complete waste of money. They were both gutted and wished they'd never saved it.

You did the right thing.

YetAnotherSpartacus · 08/10/2023 12:42

If people can afford to save it they should not be getting it.

BIossomtoes · 08/10/2023 12:43

I was a single parent. Every penny of CB was spent on my son and even then my parents bought every pair of shoes he owned.

SundayGirl86 · 08/10/2023 12:43

It has never occurred to me to save our child benefit. We’ve needed it every month. I don’t understand why you’re beating yourself up over this.

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