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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Did I do something wrong?

101 replies

PandaDad · 07/10/2023 11:04

Hi,

I went for a nice walk with my LD this morning, which was abruptly ended when she jumped in the pond. I thought the pond would slowly get deeper but it was a sheer drop so she jumped in and all I saw was her hair.
She was only under for half a second, but I'm still stressing about it now. I gave her milk and showered her after coming straight home.
She seemed fine, and completely normal but I feel like I've failed her that she was put in danger like that.
It didn't help that a random dog walker told me I wasn't fast enough and should have run to get her. (I didn't run because I thought AHH she can have a little paddle and I was behind her anyway).

My question to you folks is did I do something wrong? I feel like avoiding walking anywhere near dangerous stuff like this with her until she's older. She's almost 4 now and I feel like she thought it was shallow too because she just walked into the pond like there was a floor there.

Man kids are stressful 😞

OP posts:

Hygeelady · 07/10/2023 11:28

Sorry OP but that is careless...

We allow the kids in puddles and streams AFTER I have investigated it first and have taught them how to check if the water is deep before the next step they take. We are sea people so taught this young but you can never assume, you need to be right next to them. This could have ended in disaster.

GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 07/10/2023 11:32

It's not that she needs to be at arms length - she's 3! You should be holding her hand, and not just near water!

And I don't mean holding gently like a wet fish. Actually holding on, so you can stop them if they start to run off, or catch them if they fall.

Take your child to te hospital. Have you heard of dry drowning?

StanleyGoodspeed · 07/10/2023 11:35

get some reins ffs

QueenofTheSlipstreamVM · 07/10/2023 11:35

I hope you took her to A&E to get checked over?? That's the first thing you should have done

zeibesaffron · 07/10/2023 11:36

Yes you are totally out of order!

Around water (unless it was a small puddle on a pavement) mine held my hand!

And this bit - well I am not sure what to say - she’s 3 how on earth does she have any depth perception!

She's almost 4 now and I feel like she thought it was shallow too because she just walked into the pond like there was a floor there.

Mistakes happen but the dog walker is right you did not respond quick enough, I would call 111 for advice as she will have ingested water. I would also get her into swimming classes - water safety is paramount.

MilesAndMilesOfLights · 07/10/2023 11:36

This reply has been deleted

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3luckystars · 07/10/2023 11:37

I thought you were talking about a dog too. Yes you did something wrong but I doubt you will do it again.

SleepingStandingUp · 07/10/2023 11:43

What are the signs for secondary drowning? I don't know much about it but this would be my worry, that she's inhaled something. The response to jumping into several feet of cold water would generally be to open your mouth so I'd be worried what she's swallowed too.

The guy said you should have run to fetch her but she was under for half a second. Sorry, no she wasn't. Half a second would be her jumping in whilst you had hold and you pulling her out. Not her being out of arms reach and you having to reach into the water to try and find something to grab on to.

I'd take her to hospital personally.

And ponds really aren't the places for preschoolers to be splashing about on. Their full of wildlife that doesn't need destroying by your child.

VisionsOfSplendour · 07/10/2023 11:46

Do you really not know you did the wrong thing?, come in, really now?

Your user name suggests you might be the dad, do you live full time with the child?

AbbeyGailsParty · 07/10/2023 11:47

You need reins or one of those hand tie things. Children can drown in quite shallow water. I can’t imagine why you thought a 3 year old walking into ANY pond was a good idea.
Please don’t take her for awalk along a canal tow path. Sheer drop into water that can be metres deep, and usually have very poor visibility to find her.

Pockettopic · 07/10/2023 11:48

Ok only you were there. You clearly already feel bad. The dog walker gave you their opinion without asking. Now posting on here is not going to make you feel better. Accidents happen but she is ok. You will both learn from it. Try and enjoy the rest of your day together and tomorrow start over.

OCDmama · 07/10/2023 11:48

I don't understand. How could she both have been under been under for only half a second but you also needed to run to get there?

It sounds like she was submerged for longer than half a second. Especially if you only walked to her to pull her out.

AWIAANGAF · 07/10/2023 11:50

I’m another one who was thinking you were talking about a dog because I think it’s unbelievable that anyone would let a 3 year old have “a little paddle in the pond” in October or any other month for that matter. And the fact she disappeared into it up to her hair makes me feel anxious just thinking about it.

Askil · 07/10/2023 11:50

I clicked YABU because you said once she jumped in all you could see was her hair, but then you went on to say you didn't run to get her because you were just behind her and thought she could have a bit of a paddle??? either way, you should always hold your DD's hand around water.

TotalOverhaul · 07/10/2023 11:51

Yes of course you did something wrong. You don't let toddlers near water or roads unless you are holding their hand. Basic parenting.

But we all make mistakes. I've had some that send shivers down my spine 20 years later. Forgive yourself immediately. You know you won't do it again.

GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 07/10/2023 11:51

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Absolutely toddlers need to be able to fall and learn. Safely.

They can do that in a play park, soft play, at home, in the garden, at nursery. Somewhere where the risk is they fall from their own standing height only.

In public, with ponds, dogs, traffic, roads, cyclists, joggers, places where they could climb (eg onto a wall or stairs) and fall, shops with heavy things like tins on shelves, trolleys and crowded places, they need to be holding hands.

Thewizardbinbag · 07/10/2023 11:51

I’m in Scotland and it’s drummed into us as children that you don’t do that as you never know if the loch has a shelf edge or a sloping edge, so you don’t do that.
We grow up wild swimming in lochs so learn how to be safe and which places are safe and which aren’t, but you never approach water like that when you don’t know.

MyGooseisTotallyLoose · 07/10/2023 11:57

It didn't help that a random dog walker told me I wasn't fast enough and should have run to get her. (I didn't run because I thought AHH she can have a little paddle and I was behind her anyway
Random dog walker was totally right, and does this mean you didn't run to pull her out?
Echoing the get her checked re any water inhaled.

MilesAndMilesOfLights · 07/10/2023 11:59

This reply has been deleted

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Floooooof · 07/10/2023 12:05

The random dog walker was right, it probably scared the crap out of them too!

Darkmode2 · 07/10/2023 12:05

I wouldn't let a young child paddle in a pond even if it was shallow, could have anything in it

Jk987 · 07/10/2023 12:06

What's an LD?

Janieforever · 07/10/2023 12:16

I’m not really comfortable with your second post trying to justify it. Or why you even need to ask if you did something wrong, even a stranger told you. Yes you need to be close to little children and can’t let them do this, it could have been so much worse.

WaltzingWaters · 07/10/2023 12:18

Regardless of the depth I’d be careful in pond water unless it’s a known swimming/watersports pond. And even then best to re-check as algae levels can change and can sometimes make you really quite sick.

We all make mistakes as parents but water really is one of the big things to watch out for.