AIBU For Not Appreciating Spa Weekend Gift?

[CzTsKr]

Hello.

I, 35F, have been dating boyfriend 30M for ~3months.

For my birthday he has booked a spa weekend together.
I don't think I want to go.
I have never been to a spa before, so correct me if I'm wrong.

But:

1. I don't want to have any massages because I don't like strangers touching me
2. I also don't want to have any massages because I do not want oil on my back. I have battled severe back acne before and it has taken many months to get it under control (still battling). I want to keep my back acne-free.
3. I don't want to have any facials for same reason as point above. I have had severe facial acne previously that has left me scarred. I won't have anything on my face other than my specifically selected products I have now used for the past 12 months. I have also spent around £2,000 over the past three years on medical acne treatments, and scar treatments.
4. I find it stressful to be told last minute that I am going to a spa where I will be in a swimsuit (I assume?). I'm a hairy gal and I need to plan hair removal accordingly. I am currently undergoing laser hair removal so can't wax until treatments have finished (only just started 8x sessions spaced every 6 weeks).

I am just panicking. I don't want to go.

Since I have never been to a spa before, what do you do there? Is it possible I would enjoy despite the above?

Am I being ungrateful? Am I horrible if I say I don't want to go? I don't want to be fake and pretend like I love the idea. I don't want to be not true to myself and who I am because that gives an impression of someone who is not me...

Obviously he is trying to do something nice for me... I know that. But I just don't think I will enjoy it?

If I do go, what should I pack please?

1 - 3: it's fine you don't have to do these things.
4: what about shaving instead of waxing?

I love a spa weekend. I go swimming, go to the steam room, sauna, etc but don't tend to have any treatments. Hopefully there are places to go for a walk, nice meals, etc. Maybe yoga classes too. The spa will have a website and you can look up what they offer

I don’t think YABU, but I wonder if the anxiety of it may be worth than the experience itself? When is it booked for? If you have a little while between now and then (and if you have the means to do so), maybe you could book yourself a small treatment there or at a similar place either alone or with a friend that you trust so you can test the waters first. That might ease some of the worry and allow you to enjoy the day when it comes, or confirm that actually it’s not your thing and give you time to be able to explain why.

I love a spa break but understand your concerns. There is likely to be a pool and jacuzzi, sauna etc for you to chill out in. And loungers where you can lie in a bath robe and read your book. Nice food, like afternoon tea, or lunch.
If you don’t want to have treatments you don’t have to, or you could go for something like a foot massage or have your nails done.
You’ll need a cossie and possibly flip flops, and whatever you’d pack for a weekend away. You’ll be given a robe to wear and towels.
Have a look at the website or give them a call, then make a decision based on what you think after a little research.

Our local spa hotels (after a quickie google) offer much more than traditional massages. Yoga, swimming, sauna, steam room, jacuzzi, nail and hair salons, walking, shooting, clay pigeon shooting, archery, gym, fitness classes, reflexology etc. As well afternoon teas and other nice food and drink options.
I am with you on the dislike of massages,
but maybe the place he’s chosen offers other things (see above) that you might fancy to try. Have a quick google of the place before making any decisions.

You don't have to have massages or any treatments if you don't want to. If you want something that isn't a massage or a facial, they often do other, less touchy-feely treatments too.

Swimwear is the norm but they provide you with robes and towels and so on. Spas usually have pools, jacuzzis, steam rooms, saunas etc and if you want to you can just relax in your robe on a lounger and read a book, so I wouldn't overthink this if I were you.

I wouldn’t want to go either, ugh. I do think you should tell him the treatments are way out of your comfort zone, no need to say why, but you’d like to treat it as a nice hotel break. Otherwise he might book again….

I also avoid spas due to skin issues so can understand it doesn't feel like the luxury treat it may be for others. Not worth the risk of causing flare ups when you've spent as long getting your skin under control & using specific products. In the past I've gone & had mani/pedicures instead of the massages/facials on offer, made use of the sauna/steam room & lounged on side of pool rather than swimming to avoid chlorine.

Gosh. Thank you so, so much for your replies, I really do appreciate it. I've never posted on Mumsnet before. Thank you.

I think I was just in panic mode. You're right, I've just got myself all anxious about it.

Have calmed down a bit now.

I bloody love yoga and swimming (I will reluctantly shave). I'd be okay with getting my nails done. And actually I think I'd be okay with a foot massage. I didn't even think of that. I just thought of someone touching all over my back/legs which I don't like.

I don't own flip flops, so I will get some!!!

THANK YOU!!!!! <3

Spa weekends are my literal idea of hell! It’s the least relaxing thing I can imagine.

Glad you’re feeling a bit better about it, OP. Let us know how it goes!

You’re not being at all unreasonable. I hate being touched by strangers (hairdressers feeling like dentists to me, and I absolutely hate manicures), and I can’t swim, hate being hot, hence loathe pools and saunas, so the appeal of a spa is mysterious to me. If I wanted to sit around and read I would do it at home.

Yes, I don't even go to the hairdressers! I don't like someone being all in my face and too close

Most spa days are just use of the facilities (steam room, saunas, ice rooms, jacuzzis, pool, loungers to read). Don’t worry!! You don’t have to do any extra treatments if you don’t want. I love a spa day, rather jealous

It’ll be alright, just do what you’re comfortable with - take a book, swim, there might be a yoga class you can go to

You don't have to have any treatments if you don't want them - please don't panic!

This is also what was worrying me. I don't want to be inauthentic and pretend I like something that I don't.

I am going to tell him about my skin and that I don't feel comfortable with body massages but will choose to enjoy the day in my own way and my own comfort zone.

Thank you!

I genuinely find it hard to understand people who love having their hair done. My hairdresser is a lovely woman and does an excellent job, but I hate the head-touching, the offers of head massages at the basin from well-meaning juniors, and the long periods of trying to read with a head full of foils, or staring at yourself looking like a damp piece of roadkill in the mirror. If I could I’d be unconscious for the procedure. At least my (also lovely) dentist knows I hate him and prescribes me diazepam…

Hahahahahaaaaaaaaaaa! Oh my god. Honestly. You have articulated my thoughts perfectly

I also hate massages and any kind of beauty treatment (also including haircuts) etc but a spa day can be nice - it’s a way to slow right down and loll around in a variety of pools and the like. I think it’s a really nice gesture from your BF so I hope you’ll enjoy it.

Me too! Damp road kill 😆

I wouldn't want to go either - but you could just treat it like a fancy hotel and go for walks or to local attractions if you don't want the spa stuff.
Unless you book treatments in advance, they're often booked up by the time you arrive - which might be a useful get-out.
And then maybe a gentle hint that you don't need another spa day for Christmas!

Can you ask him which spa it is and if there's a package booked so you can have a look what they offer?

Explain due to your skin concerns you need to check it out in advance.

You could probably steam, jacuzzi, swim, yoga, reiki(?) your time away if you don't want any treatments.

I have no interest in spa weekends either so I wouldn't see this as a treat. I don't enjoy massages other than the painful sports types.

You definitely need to raise it with him.

It's a nice gesture. I would take a good book and look forward to the food. They may provide slippers.

I once had reiki purely because I was captive at one of these things and it was a no touch option.

@MorrisWallpaper you've articulated the whole hairdresser thing beautifully. I am loyal to mine (and she is lovely) largely because I'm terrified to go anywhere else.

Completely understand, OP! I hate massages and most beauty treatments generally. Swimming is okay as are jacuzzis. Hate lounging though. Perhaps they have other things to do as well!

I endured a spa weekend with friends really only because I could swim lots and there were great hikes nearby. Unfortunately in this country saunas and steam rooms are all nudey so that adds an extra layer of HELL NO to the experience!

Did he ask you if this is even something that you’d like.

I was just wondering if he’s type of a guy who thinks ”all chicks love this”, so yeah sure. - ’a gift’, but no actual thought. As in thinking about you, personally, and what you’d like and enjoy…

And YANBU.
I too would hate this.
I too hate strangers, well people touching me.