AIBU For Not Appreciating Spa Weekend Gift?

[CzTsKr]

Hello.

I, 35F, have been dating boyfriend 30M for ~3months.

For my birthday he has booked a spa weekend together.
I don't think I want to go.
I have never been to a spa before, so correct me if I'm wrong.

But:

1. I don't want to have any massages because I don't like strangers touching me
2. I also don't want to have any massages because I do not want oil on my back. I have battled severe back acne before and it has taken many months to get it under control (still battling). I want to keep my back acne-free.
3. I don't want to have any facials for same reason as point above. I have had severe facial acne previously that has left me scarred. I won't have anything on my face other than my specifically selected products I have now used for the past 12 months. I have also spent around £2,000 over the past three years on medical acne treatments, and scar treatments.
4. I find it stressful to be told last minute that I am going to a spa where I will be in a swimsuit (I assume?). I'm a hairy gal and I need to plan hair removal accordingly. I am currently undergoing laser hair removal so can't wax until treatments have finished (only just started 8x sessions spaced every 6 weeks).

I am just panicking. I don't want to go.

Since I have never been to a spa before, what do you do there? Is it possible I would enjoy despite the above?

Am I being ungrateful? Am I horrible if I say I don't want to go? I don't want to be fake and pretend like I love the idea. I don't want to be not true to myself and who I am because that gives an impression of someone who is not me...

Obviously he is trying to do something nice for me... I know that. But I just don't think I will enjoy it?

If I do go, what should I pack please?

You are NOT being unreasonable.
Spa anything is my worst nightmare.
Strangers poking at me and wallowing around in damp is not fun

If he’s booked a package with treatments you can opt for a manicure or pedicure if you don’t want a facial or massage. They may have some other treatments too they can offer you for example just lower body massage.

Also don’t worry about being hairy I can barely shave atm as I’m pregnant but it’s not stopped me going to the spa. Honestly people won’t notice.

I love a spa day and I don’t get facials or massages for the reasons you’ve said. If I go I either don’t have a treatment, or I just get my nails done. As PP said you usually book treatments way in advance so they might not have availability anyway.

What usually happens is, you arrive and get booked in and shown around. Normally change into a dressing robe with swimsuit underneath. You can then usually use the facilities like sauna, swimming pool etc. They’ll probably have loungers so you can relax with a book. Most people keep their robes on for lunch so take a dry swimsuit as well so you don’t sit around in a wet one! That’s basically it, I’ve always had my treatment last thing then gone home. You do sound very anxious about the whole thing, but you might enjoy it!

Mani/pedi, massage anything still involve the OP being touched by strangers which she doesn't like.

Some hilarious replies.
"captive"
"wallowing around in damp"
Oh my god. The good news is, I no longer feel like a weirdo for having reservations about this!

I think that's a lovely gift and I'd be delighted but everyone likes different things. I'd ask what's included in the package and if you can amend the treatments to what suits. Fwiw I also had awful acne and I would have found that a facial etc would have initially flared it because the point of parts of the treatment is to bring things to the fore, but my skin would have felt better for it overall. So if I was having a bit of a bad skin period, I'd book myself a facial. The places I go use good quality products and most will do a consultation at the start so you can let them know and they'll use appropriate products that will be gentle to your skin. The one I go to also offers aromatherapy baths, mud chamber etc so you don't necessarily need anyone to touch you. I wouldn't necessarily mind about the hair but I'm also not overly hairy to be fair. But since a lot of people go to the spa for waxing, it's very likely there will be other hairy people present. If you are very worried and wouldn't feel comfortable you could try to move the booking so it falls within your hair removal dates better.

wallowing around in damp is not fun

😆Perfectly put.

You need to be honest with him. At just 3 months into a relationship you need to clear what types of things in life you like - and what you don't. If you are both just being polite to each other about things like this and not being honest it's not a good start to a relationship.
Tell him that it was a very nice thought but really not something you want to do. Suggest an alternative you would enjoy. He might be able to refund the spa (or sell the booking to someone else).

You're not being unreasonable or ungrateful. If there's any possibility of a refund, maybe it would be best to tell him that it's really not your thing. I personally hate spa experiences, I find them weird and uncomfortable and I never really know what to do with myself after I've sat in the pool and then the sauna and then the pool a couple of times. And then there's eating lunch in a restaurant in your dressing gown with your wet swimming costume underneath. Just no.

I get what you mean about "all chicks love this".

My last bf bought me an expensive silver necklace and a bottle of prosecco for my birthday.

After me telling him I don't like fancy jewelry (when he asked if I wanted an engagement ring).

After me spending 3 years with him wearing GOLD, boho/hippie jewelry (crystals, etc).

After him knowing I studied and sat exams in wine (so a standard bottle of prosecco from Tesco, while nice to drink, doesn't really feel like a gift).

It honestly felt like he'd just bought me a "Basic B*tch Birthday Package" or something!! (I said I didn't want to wear the necklace and couldn't understand why he got me it, and I was the bad guy then. That's why I'm conscious I don't want to appear ungrateful etc...)

But I think that doesn't apply here because I told him about how I enjoyed going to spas once on holiday and how nice it made my skin. The thing is, at those I just went in the pools which were full of NATURAL sulphur/mineral water. Not like what would be in a hotel here in the UK. They weren't places where you get treatments etc. It was all just about the quality of the water (smelt like egg, haha, but that was good because of the sulphur)

To be fair to him, spa days are ALWAYS recommended on here as some sort of holy grail of fun times, so if he's made the mistake of seeking advice from a relative or colleague I can see how he might think it's a good idea.

Thank you. I am selective about where am I okay being touched. Manicure/pedicure I would be okay with. I didn't realise they do this at spas.

They normally provide flip flops!

But has he actually booked a treatment? (Which seems to be the thing you are panicking about).

Or is it just a case of bobbing around in a nice warm pool and jacuzzi? I love a spa but I don’t faff about with the treatments usually, it’s just nice to be in a swimming pool that isn’t the local sports centre!

You’ll get a robe and slippers for lounging around the pool so no need to fret about body hair on show.

I go to spas all the time but never had a massage as I hate people touching me too! It will be fine

Same don't like to be mauled by strangers I wear my board shorts and I have a mani pedi if there's a treatment involved.

It's not my thing either OP. I'm very choosy about who I get touched by...a male sexual partner, fine. A hug from a friend, fine. Dentists/clinicians...I tolerate. Hairdressers, I tolerate but dislike head massages or faffing of any sort. I really don't enjoy beauty treatments or massages. I simply don't want some strange woman rubbing oil into my naked or near naked body, or doing any BS alternative therapy wooo shite. And I'm not paying for someone to paint my nails as I can do that easily myself thanks.

Swimming can be fun but I feel very exposed in just a cossie and pretty unattractive in wet slicked hair and no make-up (plus the faff of drying hair etc). Gym sessions, no. Yoga, no. I read my books and go for walks in lovely areas every day at home. The whole idea of a spa experience just doesn't appeal to me.

I hate massage, absolutely hate it. And I’m not interested in manicures and all that stuff. But I love spa days! I occasionally go with a couple of friends. They have a massage and I just chill out with a book. Then we spend the rest of the time just sitting around, maybe in the pool, jacuzzi etc, or maybe in the cafe or comfy chairs, just chatting. It’s just a really nice relaxing way of having a chat with someone . If I’m feeling energetic I might do an exercise class, but usually we just laze around! Oh and I hate my body so I’d never parade around in a swimming costume. But you get to wear a dressing gown the whole time.

Jacuzzis, exercise class?
Oh god it just gets worse.

I have issues with my skin and also can't have massages for health reasons. I always go for the nails if that helps.

Even if well meant (and brought about by your previous conversation about the sulphur pool), it's not a good gift. A present for your birthday should be something you enjoy or are looking forward to. It should never be something that just brings you stress and dread.

(Don't worry about your body hair. We all grow it, because we're adult mammals. I have no spa experience but swim regularly, never shave and frequently see hair on other women in the changing rooms.)

It's my idea of hell too. My sister got me a hotel voucher and told me to use it for a facial. I used it for a fantastic afternoon tea. I've never gave anyone the impression I liked stranges touching me was relaxing.

@CzTsKr I would go op, shave instead of wax im also half way through a laser course.
Please can I ask what you have used to get your back acne under control? I suffer from this too so totally understand lymecycline is the only thing that works but only whilst I'm taking it then they flare straight back up. I'm seeing a dermatologist on Tuesday to discuss roacutane but really nervous about the negative side affects ., sorry to butt in on your post x

YADNBU - I bloody hate the idea of spas, I’ve been once and it did nothing to change my mind. I’d decline the offer.

YANBU. A spa weekend sounds hellish to me. I wouldn't even want to be in the pool or have a manicure or pedicure.
I'd go and hope they have a good bar and lots of food.