Would you home educate?

[ToHomeEdOrNotToHomeEd]

I'll try to keep history as brief as possible. I did name change because I thought it might be outing but I also know this is not exactly a unique situation... Junior school aged child, multiple highly specialised school placement failures, school refusal, very, very complex autism. I know autism isn't meant to be categorised in terms of severity but DC is extremely complex, high risk to self etc.

Has an EHCP (for what it's worth), currently out of education, no school has said it can meet need, we're desperately trying to resolve this.

I am a trained teacher and have worked in specialised autism services. I know I can provide him with a reasonable education; I know I can make him happier than any setting, but the cost (emotional and financial) is enormous.

Would you sacrifice your own wellbeing for your child and home educate? I am so worried about him. I already feel like I've failed him completely by letting him struggle in a school for so long.

YABU - don't martyr yourself, he needs to be in a setting.

YANBU - it's a sacrifice but it's your child’s wellbeing at serious risk.

No. I have a full time job, I am not a qualified teacher and I don’t have a huge amount of patience!!

I would want more for my child than I could provide.

Same here - i already have a full on job and haven’t the patience to teach

YANBU. We'd discussed this and had agreed to take our DS out of school at the first signs of him struggling, being bullied, etc. Yes, it would have been a massive sacrifice for one of us to give up our work (or both to go part time), but it's worth it to avoid an unhappy/unsupported education in school. Luckily, we picked the right school for him and he thrived, so it never materialised.

We've got a few friends who home educate for various reasons and none of them regret their decision.

I wouldn’t home educate my kids. In your situation- if you were with your child 24/7, how would you get respite?

What support do you have from his father?

I might. But as an ex home educated person it's one of the few circumstances when I might.

You're in a really difficult situation. It's easy for us to say we wouldn't when our kids have got school options, but not much help to you as you don't. I hope you find something suitable soon op.

I'd say no, but mainly as once you start HE it is going to be even harder to get a placement, and as your DC gets older and stronger it is going to be harder to keep them safe - and you safe. As this sounds like you will need to be caring lifelong, respite and finding long term solutions is going to be vital and I think that would be massively harder if their needs aren't being seen by others

DH is equal parent but no teaching skills and much higher earning potential than me.

Respite wise we get 4 hours a week regardless of education, but I will be exhausted. DC is full on and doesn't sleep.

It's like picking the lesser of two evils.

Are you able to say more?

Only you can call this OP. But if the sacrifice is your own mental health then that may be too high a price to pay. We have been in a dark place and the idea of HE would be incredibly daunting, even if we had the skills and money.

What you choose now doesn't have to be forever, but it can be hard to find a way back and inevitably that way would end up being led by your child's need, not your own.

I suppose other options are can you get a good EOTAS package in place, and can you find a suitable secondary school that would work with you as a long term destination from Y7? So any junior years' HE would always be working towards return to school in Y7.

I voted YANBU but I'm not 100% sure based on your information.

I electively home edded my autistic son through some of Y1 and most of Y2 due to a bad school placement, but two things:

1. He has lower support needs. No IDD/DD/LD but did and does suffer with low self-esteem which is mainly why I pulled him
2. Home edding during pre-pandemic times was a very different kettle of fish. Don't know how it is these days. It's certainly not like the home edding we all did during lockdown, but I can't tell you whether it's bounced back.

Hard to say in your situation whether you can do this with your DC but please look closely at what you might be giving up in terms of your rights for education. Some local councils would be quite happy to dust off their hands and see you fully shoulder his education. Look at EOTAS and Not Fine In School (I think that's the name?) on Facebook because there will be parents there who may be able to advise better. You may be entitled to a tutor or such.

Hugs because it's hard to see our kids struggling in a world not set up for them.

No, I wouldn’t. Instead I would pursue EOTAS. EOTAS can fund far more than the vast majority of parents can afford to fund. That is not a criticism of parents who EHE, more a statement of what an EOTAS package can include.

In the meantime, if DC isn’t attending school is the LA providing provision under s19 of the Education Act 1996?

I would. I took my child out of a special school 5 months ago. DD is 10 and also has a significant disability (not autism though)

Yes it’s hard work and I never get a break, but I know she is happy, safe (and actually having some 1:1 input)

This is so much better for me than constantly worrying about what the next issue with school will be that is cancels out never having a break

DD is fabulous, so much more relaxed and able to concentrate on things as well as communicating more and very smiley!

This

Home education is a personal, family-based decision. I home educate my youngest child aged 12, who has autism, sensory processing and dyspraxia. In an ideal world, there would be a good local school for her that met her needs and allowed her to develop academically. In the real world, the local State schools are awful and the only private school is full. I pulled her out of school at 8 as it was too hard for her, and she learned nothing academically. I am qualified as a teacher, but don't think that matters for home ed. Anyone with a lot of patience and a broad subject knowledge, or willingness to read up online, can do this. No one is an expert in anything, but a quick youtube refresh on core subjects works wonders for me. It is not financially possible for some families, but I work from home doing a family business. I think it was a lot harder home educating her when she was younger, but at 12 she follows lessons, goes to workshops, pursues independent projects, attends a youth club and plays in a football team. She can get work done quicker one-to-one. However, I cannot say I choose this method over school education as a preference. As a disabled woman, I would like a day off from being mum, teacher, business owner, half dead body owner etc. Preparing subject material and tutoring does take up time, but I accept there are lots of online/ off line clubs and lessons available if you search. It doesn't have to be expensive. The up side is that I now have a happy, emotionally more balanced child who has thrived outside a school environment. Good luck, whatever you decide.

Maybe it would help you to frame your choices slightly differently, OP?

It's not really a choice between A) your child suffering or B) you suffering; even if you don't HomeEd, if your child is suffering at school, 'unnecessarily', then that will in turn also cause you to suffer. Either way, I'm afraid, you as a parent will be suffering!

So maybe think about everybody's suffering all together in a pot, and try and reduce the sum-total of suffering, in the hope that that will average out to mean that EVERYONE suffers less, in one way or another.

It will undoubtedly be a massive sacrifice of time/energy/'self' for you to HE your child.

It sounds like it would also undoubtedly be a better option for them, which will improve their happiness/confidence/general well-being (and probably their educational achievements too, tho I'd say those are of secondary importance).

I think if I were in your position I probably would, with the caveat that BEFORE you begin, you have in place arrangements for some respite time for you EVERY DAY, even if it's just a 20min evening walk by yourself.

Good luck!

I would also pursue EOTAS to make sure things like SaLT, OT and others things like equine therapy are funded if specified.
I also think some tutors other than you would give you a break.

At school (a well resourced independent special school) he ended up being contained rather than educated, he was in a class by himself and spent most of his last two terms running around outside in an attempt to calm him down. The school tried so, so hard with him. The whole situation was awful.

So, we are going to try to get an EOTAS package. I think we have a fairly good chance (lots of evidence) but are at the start of a year long tribunal process. The LA have failed to put alternative provision in place until this week. He reacted extremely badly to the demand even though it was chosen, fun activities.

The thing with EOTAS is that although it's bespoke, it won't have quite the flexibility of home ed. As I understand it, it will need to be full time (although fewer hours are usually acceptable as 1:1 is more intense) and the LA have said he will need (quote) "real learning" (I.e. formal tutoring) as a substantial part of it.

I home educated him for a bit between schools many years ago and he was happy and thriving, but I wanted to restart my career (which I did for a little bit, but now my fixed term contract has ended and I can't realistically work with him half in the alt prov system and half out.

I'm explaining this badly, it's a highly nuanced situation.

Personally in your situation I would. How long could it take for a school place to be found? i see your fixed term has ended, personally I would trial home education while the tribunal/EOTAS gets sorted to see if it helps, if it does then you could stick to home ed

We have and we absolutely would HE again. One NT, one ND and one with complex special needs. All home educated from the beginning.

Eldest is NT. Self drive and determination is staggering. Achieved 9 GCSEs at A and A* self taught. Now in top 10% at sixth form.

Middle child ND, already 3 GCSEs under their belt. Last year of GCSEs now. Taking at a nice steady pace to suit them entirely.

Youngest functions at 18 months old despite being 11 years old and always will.

He has enabled them to have the freedom in their childhood that I dreamt of for them whilst still achieving the necessary box ticking. Simply not wasting their precious childhoods away in order to achieve them. No formal tutoring.

So on the contrary OP. I feel incredibly happy and at peace with the decision we made 12 years ago. People seem to think HE has to look like school at home in order to be successful. My own DC are proof that it doesn't. Personally, my own wellbeing is all the better for the life I know we have chosen for our children.

Don’t listen to the LA. As you say, EOTAS is bespoke. For some, it looks exactly like EHE. For some, it doesn’t include formal tutoring. For some, it is entirely child led. It can be whatever meets DS’s needs.

Last time took a year to find a school. With the LA only offering him about 3 hours a week of activities, I could well sort of act like we are home educating and trial it.